our little Zoo

Here you go Audra

2009-09-04T14:09:00.001-07:00

This post is a response to a question I was asked by a friend on facebook, since I'm long winded it wouldn't fit there so I'm posting it here

Audra- Let me start by saying that your dad is much wiser than I am, so believe him. Secondly, since your friend isn’t a follower of Christ, his opinion about what Christ supports or not is like asking a vegetarian what pizza chain has the best meat lover’s pizza. Not a slight toward your friend, but if he isn’t someone who follows Christ, he really doesn’t know who Christ is or what he stands for. Because he isn’t a Christian and I’m assuming that he is like me when I wasn’t a believer, I’m doing the best I can to not quote the Bible a bunch since it doesn’t hold much weight with people who don’t believe it. If you want something with more chapter and verse notations, let me know and I’ll work on that. Since you asked my opinion on the subject, here is my brief response:

I think that Jesus gives a thumbs-up to capitalism. And I think that being an imperfect system developed by imperfect people, He would offer some suggestions for improvement if we would take the time to listen and actually apply what He taught.

Here is the long answer:

He is all for retaining people’s dignity when sorting through governments and systems and looking for what ones to put His stamp on. In its simplest form I believe capitalism does that. I would ask your friend if he believes that people should have individual rights and in those rights they have the right to be compensated for their time or products in a free and open market. I believe that Jesus supports that. If your friend says that he is willing to give up his rights, demand that he give you his shoes, car and that he pay whatever bills you have that you don’t want to be responsible for :)

The idea that Jesus would be pro Communist, in its current meaning, is funny to me- Jesus People USA style Communism I think He’s given a couple of thumbs up to but that isn’t what Communism means when people talk about it today. When you look at what Communism (especially in the last couple hundred years or so) really is you should be able to easily understand why Jesus or anyone else who cares about others at all wouldn’t really be all that gung-ho about Communism. On paper Communism can look great, problem is in the practice, rather than everyone being on equal footing as a community, you have a populace that is forced to give up their rights of individual ownership and they are robbed of their dignity and they struggle while the ruling class over them that is made rich and profits off of the commoners. That is something that Jesus isn’t for at all. Additionally in modern Communism there is the central idea that there is no God, I don’t think JC is very excited about that. There are ideas expressed in Communism that Jesus supports but only when it is a free choice of the people acting as a community, not when an elite class subjugates others into it. I think that only happens on a local level and would be so difficult to apply on a national level that honestly I don’t think it can occur without Jesus coming back and setting up a throne physically here to keep us from screwing it up.

Capitalism isn’t a political system solely, though politicians will solely use anything that will give them more power/money. There are political systems that allow more capitalistic markets and others that don’t at all. Our current system that was designed to be a Republic that is expressed as a representative democracy. In that it allows the freest of markets in all the political setups that I’m aware of. Unfortunately over time it has moved from what it was intended to be to a system ruled by special interests and those with wallets big enough to buy off those making decisions. That is something that grieves Jesus. It isn’t limited to Capitalism or our current system though. Still we have a level of freedom in our nation, system and form of capitalism that is great still today.

For those who are very idealistic (which I’m guilty of many times) our current system is not what it can and should be in all areas. It could be that it is in this type of idealism your friend thinks Jesus wouldn’t approve of capitalism. I believe the areas we fall short are rooted in greed. Jesus never said that money was evil, though many say he did. He did say that the love of money, aka greed, was at the root of all evil. Money is great, I like it and like most others would like and can use more…Greed is something Jesus spoke out against many times and I would agree with Jesus and your friend if this was his point of division. I’m not willing to dump the whole thing because there are some that abuse it and are selfish though, the pro’s simply outweigh the con’s. Just because a situation allows for someone to mess up doesn’t mean that Jesus is against it, see his first miracle and what he did for a group of people who if they continued to drink could be in sin. With all the potential for greed, and with all the problems that exist in our current setup we, being one of the wealthiest nations, are also one of the best nations (if not the greatest) in freely giving to others. Why wouldn’t Jesus be supportive of a system that has been used to help so many? Sure we have room to improve but the improvement doesn’t include being forced to give up what we’ve worked hard for so that others can share in it. Though there are legislators on all sides that are working hard to make you and I do that today, see the bailout last year and be sure to check the voting record of your favorite politicians. Unfortunately last year beltway politics took over and Republicans and Democrats forced us in a big way to move towards giving up what we have worked for when they pushed the bailout through, that has nothing to do with capitalism, has everything to do with a system that we perpetuate when we forget that politicians lie, and that the Democrats and Republicans were once all one party, and aren’t all that different today…they just have adopted certain hot button issues into their platform to ensure they keep a certain group of people voting for them.

As for government systems, Jesus is all about one Monarchy- He talked about his Father’s kingdom all the time. However Jesus’ method of expanding it isn’t the same that other monarchies or other groups have employed and I think that confuses people. He didn’t destroy the system that oppressed the Jews in His days on earth and yet he provided a way into the Kingdom by conquering our hearts and allowing them dual citizenship, whether their earthly geopolitical system approved and is compatible or not.

To those that would still say that Communism is what Jesus prefers over a free market, while I think they are wrong, I will acknowledge that there is a call to those who have entered into the Father’s Kingdom to be a community. Community and communism are not the same thing however. Within the context of community, and even extended neighbors that may not be fellow members of His Kingdom, Christ calls us to echo in His Love to others (friend, enemy, whoever) which many times on a tangible level translates into giving to others at a self cost with no expectation of something in return. That is community in its truest form and will not work if it is forced upon a group of people by a ruling class. It only works when people are propelled and empowered by the kind of love that Jesus shared and calls us to have and do.

I hope this helps and that it answers your question.

cls

2009-04-15T14:22:00.001-07:00

I've debated on whether or not to start blogging again. when I started this thing, my desire was to chronicle what life was like so that someday our kids could go back and see what life was like in their early days. not sure if I accomplished that here or not. either way, I find myself writing more and more and this is a medium that I've been thinking of using as a means of trying to arrange my thoughts a little.

as I read through old posts, part of me wants to just clear the screen (in dos the command 'cls' does that) and another part of me wants to keep them there, we'll see what happens.

So to Ros, Noah and Jordan- in 15 years when you are reading this, you’ll know that your dad has always been crazy :)

2009-01-28T09:27:00.000-08:00

test

:)

2009-01-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

still here

still alive

2008-09-12T15:35:00.001-07:00

and well :)

umm, Hi

2006-02-19T14:19:00.000-08:00

so life is good mostly. It is really cold here in Dallas, considering the fact that we were just near 80 (78 by the mini van's report) near the end of last week and right now it is a nice 28 outside, it is a little difficult to get use to.

those that know me, know that I am crazy (my wife is probably more so for marrying me). Many times crazy is what we do best. We have almost perfected it...adding to the list that shows our crazyness, yesterday, I won an auction on eBay. you may say to yourself, that isn't all that crazy, and it isn't, the crazy stuff is that the auction was for a car...in Florida. Next Saturday we fly out to the Fort Lauderdale area and drive my new car back. should be interesting. I hope to have pictures soon of the car and any interesting point along the way back.

anyways, we are well. still up to crazy stuff, jut finding that life is pretty busy. I wish I could retire from my job next week and start working on all the things that I want to do instead but that doesn't look like it is happening. until then, i guess I will have to live with what I have.

I've started working with college aged kids at church (in all honesty I have worked with many of them for a while, they were just younger then) and what I feel the Lord telling me to share with them and direct them in is 'Identity' or that their identity should be rooted in Christ, which is very somple in many ways but it is also so difficult. what is funny in preaching that, studying that and talking with people about our identity being in Christ, is that we soon figure out that when the focus is no longer on us but on Him, we start to realize more (at least I do) that:

#1- I am just a part of the body of Christ
#2- the body of Christ is larger than I could have ever imagined
#3- I play an important role in the body, and as long as I accept my role, doing my part and helping others do theirs isn't that difficult
#4- I am just starting to learn about God, His plans for my life and I still have more questions than answers
#- i am selfish and need ot get over it, God has way too many things planned to allow my ego to get in the way and if I hold on to "ME" and "MY", I've missed out on so much that God wants to share

When we take the focus off of ourselves, we actually start seeing others, and many times can care about others in a way that we are compelled to do something rather than stare in wonder. I believe that one of the bigest reasons followers of American Chruchianity don't want to make changes is that they are comfy in their apathy and are afraid that if they actually dig into what God is calling them to do, if they seek their identiy in Christ, they might have to reach out and be involved in other people's lives. they might actually get dirty in the process...I know this because as much as I hate to admit it, as much as I try to stay away from it, I have bought into many of the ways of Churchianity. the good news is that there is a Cure, his name is Jesus and He is a prayer away from being able to redirecting your path, cleansing and healing you from your strays and always standing there with Love, mercy and grace enough to help you along life's difficult road.

Blessings to you all

the wonder of prayer

2006-01-09T23:04:00.000-08:00

this year has been an interesting one of prayer for Kelly and I. I think we have learned a bunch about it, yet there is so much more to know, so much I doubt that I could live long enough to ever get it all. Prayers are answered yet something that I've noticed that is even greater than that is it seems that when we really get into prayer, when we get beyond the reading off the wish list to God, we are given hints about stuff. I guess sometimes it is to let us know what to pray for?!? but also I think to make it so that we aren't so blown away when our prayers get answered. in the last couple of weeks, Kelly and I have seen prayer answered in big ways for two couples that we have been praying for and this weekend I shared with a friend that Kelly and I had been praying for him in a particular area and felt that this year we would see something big come out of it, his response was 'that is confirmation for me, there is no way you could know about this unless God shared that with you, thank you'. What perplexes me the most is that in it all, I'm not doing anything...it is all God, yet for some reason he chooses to include us in it. I'm not worthy, and I could think of others who are better qualified and would make better vehicles for this stuff. Not all prayers are answered the way we want, and sometimes it feels as if they never are but when I look at my life I can’t honestly say that God has ignored my requests or me. even in the times that what I wanted, what I thought the end result should be was much different than the way things panned out...like cancer, but that is for another post.

Prayer. It is so simple yet the effects are so overreaching, not only can prayer change things, it can change us. Bringing us closer to God the whole time. If you have never done it, it as simple as asking God to be in your life and if you are a pro you know that getting back to basics is often the most advanced thing you can do. Wherever you are in life’s journey, I pray that God would bless you immensely and that His purpose would be done in your life.

linkage

2005-12-29T21:23:00.000-08:00

I've just realized that many links on my site, including for family pics are outdated or flat out wrong...I should do something to fix that. until that happens, slide on over to my brother in-law's blog by clicking on Nate to the right and check out the SNL Jesus cartoon, we found it when he was showing me one of the greatest inventions on the web ever. enjoy

-

2005-12-22T15:40:00.000-08:00

Currently life is pretty darn good, Kelly's health is great (more on that later), the kids are wonderful, there realy isn't anything I can complain about currently. if there is anyone reading this, have a very Merry Christmas and I pray that God showers you with His love, mercy and grace.

the skinny on phatty

2005-04-22T21:51:00.000-07:00

So I’m a bit lighter than I’ve been…more on that later.

To catch everyone up- Kelly and I got married back in 1996. 3 weeks before the big day, she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer and she had her thyroid removed. Over the years the tests came back good, we grew in our marriage. Life was good.

All was good in phattyland until last year, when we found out that the cancer had come back. Many of you, I am so thankful, were very much there for us, praying, encouraging, loving as our Christian brothers and sisters should. Surgery was in the spring, radiation was in the summer and I almost lost my job on a revolving basis for what seemed to be an eternity. 2004 sucked hard.

Toward the end of it all, the tests and signs were all starting to point to the cancer being gone and the possibility of life getting back to normal- whatever that means with 2 active kids that are 18 months apart. Life is always crazy now a days.

Late December or early January, it all started to crash again. It wasn’t gone. February we got the news that the cancer was not gone.

Suckage again.

Then the soul searching started. We thought that the first time we searched, and we did. We thought that the second time, 8 years later we searched, and we did. This time it was different though. The doctors are pretty hopeless at this point. Not that the cancer is terminal and that I was going to be a widower before 30 with 2 very young children, they didn’t though I’ve had the fleeting thought. The hopelessness is that we may never be able to totally overcome the cancer; Kelly may have to have surgeries and radiation on a semi-regular basis for the rest of her life they told us.

That doesn’t line up with God’s message. Hope, Joy, Salvation, Healing…so we made a decision. We say that we trust God for this and that. In the past we even prayed when we heard the cancer word. We never sat at His feet and allowed Him to direct us, comfort us, hold us and heal us.

I was in Houston on a business trip when Kelly got the results back in February. I drove to the airport, told God that I was pissed off that we had to go back in and fight this. Told Him I was tired and asked Him to take care of it. I took the next day off from work so we could spend time in prayer, be together and try to make sense of it all.

The kids actually took a nap, we got to spend great time in prayer. We took a stand, basically that this wasn’t our fight, that God is our salvation, our healer, our source. And that we were going to trust him to direct us. It was funny, a couple of weeks earlier, a student in our youth group asked us in Sunday school “what do you do when you know God can do something but don’t know if He will?” my response was “I struggle with this, my suggestion is that you expect God to do what you know He can do, and ask Him to change your heart if He isn’t going to” So there we were. We knew that God could touch Kelly right then and there and take any and all cancer, so we asked. We had decided that we went to the Doctors, did their thing twice, we were thankful for all that modern medicine has to offer but we also know that we needed to be thankful for all that God had to offer even more, and we need to trust Him more than anything. We prayed, “Lord Heal Kelly miraculously or change our hearts and lead us to how you are going to heal her.”

We got real bold then. We asked that he do it, and that he provide a sign letting us know. Since we were standing there with this boldness, we asked for a specific sign- last year, as a result of Kelly’s surgery, she had lost all feeling in the left side of her neck and shoulder. We asked that God restore feeling to the neck. We prayed some more. Then we took a nap.

I woke up to Kelly proclaiming “I can feel on my neck!” it wasn’t a 100% but it was feeling. We took this as a sign from our heavenly father.

The funny thing is that even with everything the bible says; even with the sign- it can still be difficult. Doubt is an enemy that comes scouting for the army of fear often.

One morning Rosalyn was in our room when I was getting ready for work. She had heard Kelly and I talking about it all, she remembered what happened last year and told Kelly “I don’t want the doctors to cut your neck”. Kelly responded, “they won’t have to if God heals me”. The next words I heard from my daughter will always be with me, they are genuine, true, unadulterated faith. She put her little hand on Kelly’s leg, closed her eyes and declared “No more cutting mommy’s neck, AMEN!!”

The doctors wanted to run more tests. They always do. So they did. An interesting thing happened that day, as Kelly parked the car at the hospital, she felt burning on the right side of her neck.

The test results came back, and we went to talk to the surgeon who performed last years operation. The two scans showed pretty much the same thing. The first showed 7 areas, 5 on the left, 2 on the right. The second showed about 5 on the left. “Woohoo!! That burning must have been God touching Kelly and taking the tumors from the right side.” we thought. Then the depressing talk about the fact that this will probably be an ongoing thing, the cancer will come back and they will continue to cut it out.

From our time in prayer, and the sign that God gave us we had great faith, so much that Kelly was telling anyone in her family who doesn’t believe in God about it. Her reasoning was, if God is going to heal me, I want to let people know before I have all the results backing it up, there isn’t any faith there. So we had wondered and discussed how we would handle our Dr., Especially if he wanted to recommend surgery. At that meeting he recommended the surgery and we told him that we were just needing time. That we had asked God to take it all and we just basically needed time to process everything. He was amazingly receptive and told us he saw no need to rush, that we could come back in a few months, retest and reassess and go from there.

In all this time, God was silent. He showed up, responded to us but was silent. I’m always amazed to hear details about other people’s relationship with the King of Kings. Since Kelly is my wife, I get to see on a regular basis the fruit of that relationship and get to hear the intimate details in our discussion about God. One thing that God does with my wife, that I think is really cool is that he will give Kelly a scripture verse or reference that is very appropriate for the situation at hand. But when you get use to it, and it doesn’t happen for a while, it can become uncomfortable. That happened. Kelly was so desperate for God to talk to her like he has done for almost her entire life. Then it broke.

Our church is a wonderful place. Tuesday nights is corporate prayer, which is a misnomer since we have a couple thousand in attendance weekly at the church but probably less than 20 that show up for corporate prayer. None the less it is powerful, God shows up and prayers are answered. We decided that Kelly was sick and we needed to go before the elders to have her head anointed and prayed for. It is in scripture, and I am learning that things are in the bible for a reason, I may not know why. My job is just to be obedient. So we went.

Praise and warship was great, intimate. A single leader with an acoustic guitar singing songs that God had given him probably 30 years ago. It was in the middle of one of those songs, titled Emmanuel, that he paused, asked us to come forward and asked for everyone else to pray. Dr. Fletcher, an amazing man of God, the pastor who heads up the prayer ministry for our church anointed Kelly and prayed while everyone else stood around praying. Then he was done, there was more prayer and a pause, then it was back to the normal service program. I could tell that God was there, He always is, but this was different. There were no fireworks, just worship and prayer but there was something different.

As we left, on the way to pickup our children from the babysitters (ironically the babysitters are the daughters of the worship leader for the prayer meeting, not that you care but I’m the writer and I decide what I write) we talked. Kelly asked who had prayed for her after Dr. Fletcher had finished, my response was, “everyone”. She came back with “no, who was invading my personal space, they came up, put their hands on the side of my face/neck and prayed, standing a little too close for comfort??” I didn’t see anyone. And I would notice if someone did that to my wife. The words to the song we were singing before and after we went up for prayer were simply:

Emmanuel, Emmanuel
Emmanuel, Emmanuel
Your presence is life
Your presence is life
Your presence is life to me!

It truly is, and I believe that Emmanuel, God with us, was with us then and He was that person who stood too close to my wife, His presence is life. We talked about it more and Kelly said “I had my eyes closed when doc Fletcher was praying for me, and then that person came up almost immediately after. I was kind of bothered and thought, I’m going to see who this is. So I opened my eyes but two huge tears formed in the center of each eye, blinding me so I closed my eyes satisfied that I was here to get prayed for, and I was getting prayed for. All I know is that it was a guy and He was taller than me”

That is not all, when we were finished with our time of prayer and up front, after the worship there was a quiet time. Kelly told me that she heard God speak to her, He said “Hi Kelly, I’m going to heal you because I love you”, her response was “where have you been?” he responded “I’ve been testing you. If I heal you, will you fulfill my purpose in your life?”

I am constantly amazed at how I, someone who made it a point to be an enemy of God for so long, can stand in his presence and request things without getting smited. Much less get my prayers answered.

This has been a difficult time, but over the years we have learned that there is no point in wallowing in the bad times, life is going to happen and we need to make the most of it. So we have also sought God in gaining wisdom. Wisdom on how we can take better care of these tents he has given us to travel our earthly lives in, wisdom on how to better serve him. Wisdom on how to know His will for our lives more. In the same ways he has shown up and shared wisdom with us.

Without going into too much detail, we overhauled our diet. For 2 reasons initially, first we wanted to spend time in prayer and fasting but needed to continue being productive members of society, so drinking water for 40 days wasn’t going to do it, but we could restrict what we ate for a period of time and fast that way. Second, as your basic Americans, we eat crap. The stuff that 95% of us eat on a regular basis is either trying to kill us, or is working against the processes God has designed in us to keep us healthy and allowing other things to kill us. Initially we became vegans sort of that also ate yogurt and sometime fish. We focused on whole grains, legumes, nuts, fruits and vegetables. Gone (forever) is table sugar. We got creative, putting my culinary skills and love to the test and ate like kings for 20 days. We got a juicer. We ate food we normally wouldn’t have thought to. At the end of the 20 days I was 20 pounds lighter.

I’d love to go into all the details of what we have learned about food, and the changes we have made but that isn’t the point of this, though at a later date there are things I want to share.

God has been so real, He has given us so much hope and I believe that about 2000 years ago, Jesus hung on a cross and died, then rose again 3 days later. Shortly after that He ascended to heaven to sit at the right hand of God the Father. When he did that, He healed my wife. He has been revealing that healing to us over the last few months to us and I believe that in May, when we go for more tests, the results will back it all up. To God be the glory, forever and ever, amen!

On a less important note, I mentioned my job at the beginning of this, it has been rough. As of May 9th I will be working in a new position for my current company. In this new position, I think I will be better aligned to match my skills and desires and also I will no longer report to my current boss whom I have had problems with and have in the past felt victim of their attack. God is awesome, he delivered me through trials and is now rewarding me for sticking with it when it was really rough.

Kelly and I always appreciate your prayers. We also hope that you would know God, His power, healing and grace not only through stories like this but through your everyday walk with Him.

...

2005-03-29T20:20:00.000-08:00

So I am a published writer now. Yippee for me!

I've been wondering lately- why does U-Haul have sales? There is a U-haul that I drive by everyday and each week on their sign they have different 'specials' posted. Does someone really say, "hey honey, I know that our life is pretty good right now and we are settling in, but I noticed that uhaul is having a special to Tampa, only $260, and I figure what the heck, lets pack up and move this weekend"? I'm no marketing genius but do specials like these really do anything for the demographic that uhaul is trying to reach?

life around the zoo has been good lately. I just finished a class, have just over 30 hours left till my degree is complete. 13 years for a bachelors degree, I could have done worse. though I could have done better but there is no use living in the past.

I pray that all is well in your life, and that the reality of God and His grace, mercy and love are greater than any other reality that exists in your world.

newer pictures

2005-03-17T22:55:00.000-08:00

ken, here are the pictures you asked for

2005-02-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

i feel like i have just woken up from a long winter slumber. life has been interesting at the least these last few months.

Last night I had a dream where I was driving on a motorcycle at a very high speed, only to get caught by a police officer who proceeded to write me a ticket for $7000. there are elements of that dream that describe how I feel my life has been recently.

more than anything I wanted to see if I still knew how to log in here and post. looks like i can. i may even navigate this way more often and write more useless fluff. until then, if you haven't yet seen this site, you need to buy the game. trust me, it is greatness

have lemons? make lemonade

2004-11-11T23:46:00.000-08:00

Tonight as I was driving home, the strangest thing occurred. I was shifting into 3rd gear when using my stick shift was doing nothing, I was stuck in neutral. I feared that my transmission or clutch failed. I put on my hazard lights and coasted, praying that my car would make it to the upcoming side street, as I was on a very busy road, it was getting dark and drivers in the DFW area aren’t known for their kindness.

I thank God that I’m built like a pack mule, pushing a car on an incline isn’t my favorite of jobs but when I need to, like I did tonight I’m glad that I can. I got the car and myself situated in a safe side street and I called Kelly. She called her dad to come tow me and I tinkered around. I discovered that what had occurred is that the stick shift somehow became detached from the transmission, probably a pin or a bolt, and I even got the car into gear, 4th, so I was able to discern that the transmission and clutch were OK. And the fix is something I can do pretty easily.

As I waited, I decided that I was really hungry, there was a gas station a couple of blocks up the road so I took a little stroll. As I returned I noticed another car coasting with their hazard lights in about the same place I broke down. It was kinda déjà vuish and I laughed to myself, this can’t really be happening. I went back to my car for a second, and noticed that the other car had come to a full stop on the busy street. I decided that I should check on them and offer a hand. As it turned out, in the car was an older lady, probably in her late 50’s, she had run out of gas and was not able to move the car. She was stuck. I offered to push her out of the way, she was happy to let me.

I was really upset when my car broke down tonight, I told God about it too. When that lady broke down and I was there to help, God showed me that sometimes He needs us to give up a bit of comfort and be flexible so we can be available to assist those in need.

Not sure if my car broke down so I could help that lady but I know that she needed help and I was there to give it. Thank you God for giving us opportunities to help others even in our own times of need.

hi

2004-10-24T23:24:00.000-07:00

I'm still alive

My little trip to the ER and other fun stuff

2004-09-12T23:50:00.000-07:00

Friday night, just after the kids went to bed, I started to feel sick. There was an even at church that I had planned on going to but feeling ill, I decided to stay home and try to get rest. Stay home I did, get rest I did not. When the nausea hit I knew I was in for trouble, when it made true to its threat it all went down hill. I’m grateful that I have such a loving wife. Anyone who loved me less would have hated me for throwing up in their bathtub. After a few hours of my body expelling stuff we decided that the ER was the place to go. On we went, and they were so nice. I was really dehydrated and they hooked me up to an IV. They gave me Demerol and Zofran, once those hit me I was felling really good. After running blood tests and doing a sonogram of my liver and some other things to determine that everything was well and that I probably had a bacterial infection, they sent me on my way. We got home just in time for the kids to wake up, it was about 9am. Kelly’s Dad and Step-mom came over to be with the kids in our absence. They are such a godsend. I immediately went to bed and slept all day. Today I’ve been up here and there. I’m suppose to be on 3 days of bed rest, and I’m trying my best to follow Dr.’s orders. I don’t believe I’ve ever been as sick as I was that night, and I don’t really look forward to trying to break the record ever. An interesting side note: the room I was in at the ER was the same room they put Rosalyn in after her ant bites.

We are now a two car family again, after what seemed to be 50,000 attempts at passing emissions, my Saturn, the car I replaced the head gasket on finally passed. It is so nice to have two cars that are street legal again.

A couple of weekends ago we headed down to Austin to visit Kelly’s aunt and uncle. They are such great people. They are both pretty much retired now and spend most of their time working on their cabin out on the river about 30 miles west of Austin. We stayed in town mostly but spent a little time out at the cabin and river. It is so nice, peaceful and relaxing. My cell phone doesn’t workout there much less my pager. I’d like to spend more time at the cabin, I think this fall I’m going to take a week off of work and help her uncle finish the cabin. Their construction loan runs out in December, so I know they would like the extra help and on a selfish note I think I need to spend some quiet time somewhere like the river. I’ve got some pictures of the cabin and river from the trip, I’ll post them soon.

Good night, and if you too find yourself sick for hours with liquids shooting out of your body, go to the ER, they can make you better.

stupid me

2004-08-19T14:45:00.000-07:00

didn't realize that I hadn't posted the latest on Kelly's condition...radiation is over, scans have been run- the Dr.'s like what they see and more tests will be run in a couple of weeks but it all looks like Kelly is cancer free

hi

2004-08-19T14:42:00.000-07:00

A good friend told me that recently he was concerned for me, that he had feared the recent stress in my life, most notably Kelly’s cancer would cause me to become bitter or disconnected…or worse. I appreciate friends who are honest like that and who understand that those types of things happen.

I’m angry that we have had to go through all the crap related to Kelly’s cancer. It looks like we’ve won the battle with the cancer but the road to recovery hasn’t been quick or as easy as we would like. But I guess that is life.

Still I have hope, still I realize that it could be worse.

8 years ago when we first went through all this cancer stuff, Kelly and I were kids. July she had the surgery, August we got married and September she went through radiation. The next 2 years were very difficult for her medically. They were rough on us relationship wise, being that we were so young, had no money and didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. We got through it and in the end I think that we were better for it. Though it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to re-live. Fast forward 8 years to the present, we are (at least I think we are) a bit more mature and somewhat wiser, we have children and are more established as a couple. The game had changed a bit, more was on the line this time. We had learned many lessons from the first time, there were things we were able to do to help Kelly recover quicker and we knew the areas she would have the most difficulties and could plan around it, I think we overestimated my strength is some areas. I know I didn’t realize how much I depend on Kelly, how much of an anchor she is for me, and how much I need her just for me. Add to it the kids, and I’m pretty much nothing without her.

I love them, they love me- but without Kelly I’m not much more than a big hairy jungle-gym that make peanut butter sandwiches and changes diapers. And while being able to entertain and feed (peanut butter sandwiches only go so far) young ones is good, it falls short of what kids need in a parent. Kelly helps me with that.

I’m so grateful that I still have her, that she is healthy again, but the road we traveled to get here takes its toll.

Thank God for friends who are there to help you.

dang it

2004-07-19T22:39:00.000-07:00

so if you are still visiting my site, you may have noticed that I had a big fat error message at the bottom, basically something changed and my commenting powered by blogkomm didn't want to work any more. so I upgraded, I changed settings...basically I did everything but sacrifice a rooster. it doesn't want to work- so I'm forced to go to the blogger comment system. oh well, I guess there are worse things in life. speaking of:

the kids are at their grandparents and Kelly is at the hospital. I hate coming home to an empty house and I have the most difficult time sleeping without Kelly, especially at home. I’m addicted to her, and I don’t like the kids being gone. Good news is the sooner we get through this, the sooner it is over…I know that is a bad cliché but it is true. And I’m selfish, there are people who would love to have an empty home and many more that would love to probably have a home.

For a cancer, the type of thyroid cancer Kelly has is easily treatable and isn’t really life threatening, as frustrating and difficult as it is to have to be away from her, to have had to deal with the last 6 weeks of her going off of her thyroid and the upcoming weeks of having to take extra precautions because there will still be traces of radiation, the fact still stands that I still have her, she is still healthy and hopefully we won’t have to deal with this again. Which is better than what many families who have loved ones in the same hospital as Kelly, as bad as we want to think our situation is, we are quickly reminded that we have it so good. The nurse’s tech that is assigned to Kelly tonight has an 18 year old daughter, who is in the same hospital, she is very sick. They have removed her gallbladder and there are now complications with her pancreas, sadly it doesn’t look good for her.

I have learned though that miracles do happen and I’m hoping and praying that a huge one would occur for this young lady.

Good night, work continues to work me- rumor has it that some bigwigs are going to be visiting the store where I’m working on a special project sometime this week, and if that is the case, I’m going to need my beauty sleep.

we're still alive

2004-07-16T12:20:00.000-07:00

Ok, I tried to post before leaving work last night but as I was typing an alarm sounded near my seat and a security guard indicated that there was smoke and we should evacuate. Mark that to another of life’s experiences I could have not had, though it’ll be a great one to tell the grandkids some day.

We are well, Kelly is completely off of her thyroid medication and has been for a couple of weeks in preparation for Radiation…currently she is really tired. Thankfully we have wonderful friends who have stepped in and have assisted Kelly during the day while I head to work, currently Kelly can’t really watch the kids- it is just too much for her.

Monday she heads to the Hospital, she takes a magic pill and gets to be isolated in a hospital room for about a week. After she is out she can’t be around the kids for a few more days, so we decided that the kids will go stay with their grandparents for 10 day’s, Kelly and I won’t see them the whole time, I think that is the most difficult part of it all.

Life is busy, home is crazy and work has me on some special projects- it is really fun- if you know of a way to add a few extra hours in a day I need it.

I have so much more I’d like to write about but I lack the time, maybe sometime soon.

sorry, can't think of a catchy title right now

2004-06-24T13:08:00.000-07:00

I survived my night alone with the kids, though it wasn’t without marks- Rosalyn got a hold of a green felt tip pen, in the end- the tip of her nose was green as well as many part of my face. It was fun, I love spending tie with the kids- they are awesome little people. I missed their mom a bit though, I guess that is good since I’m married to her and all. I am glad that she was able to get out on her own- we try to make it a point to allow one another time with our friends, it is one of the secrets of our success in marriage. That and never go to bed angry are probably the top two.

So I’ve been a little under the weather the last few days, Kelly made me stay at home yesterday and I needed it. I slept until about 3:30pm, that is after a full nights sleep. I think everyone should periodically sleep the day away. Not only do you have the strangest dreams, but it forces you to slowdown a bit and rest, something most people don’t do enough of.

I’m looking at some of the various costs associated with starting up the company. Dang it is expensive, there is just no love for the small guy anymore. Oh well, life goes on and I’ve never let small things get in my way before, so I won’t this time. Money is a small thing. don’t let anyone tell you different.

I really enjoy reading Mark Cuban’s weblog (the owner of the Dallas Maverick’s for those not in the know). One of his posts is titled: Rules of Success. #1: Sweat Equity is the best equity! Makes sense to me, he is someone who I would like to follow in example as far as business success goes. Not that I want to own my own NBA franchise (though I wouldn’t complain if that happened) but Mark’s success is the result of following simple business rules and working hard. I like that and I like knowing that the potential results of that are endless.

We have 4 avocado’s left. The sale ends today, we need to get more.

one more thing

2004-06-22T15:17:00.000-07:00

Kelly has a girls night out with her sister so I have the kids tonight, all by my lonesome. Rumor has it that Ros hasn't napped- you would be amazed at everything a two and a half year old can do on their second wind. please pray for my survival.

rain, cancer, money and beer...the perfect post (not really)

2004-06-22T11:37:00.000-07:00

I can’t believe the amount of rain that is falling, this morning as I drove to work I noticed that it was only 68°, for the second day of summer that is very cool for Texas. I’m not complaining, a few years ago about the same time we were breaking record with consecutive days above 100.

Avocados are 5 for a $, so far this week we’ve eaten 6. we have 9 left and we might go back and get a few more before the sale is over.

Have I mentioned that I like avocados and guacamole?

We got word back from the hospital this week on how long Kelly will have to be away from the kids when she undergoes radiation in July, it looks like it is going to be 2 weeks. Close to a week in the hospital with no contact other than with people in space suits, then when she is able to come home, the kids will have to be gone for the remainder of the 2 weeks from the time the radiation started. Cancer, and often the treatment of it really sucks sometimes. Though the alternative is much worse.

I’m very grateful for Kelly’s stepmom and dad, they will take the kids for us and I know that they will be ok with them- I never imagined how difficult it was to allow someone else to watch your child until I had my own…I don’t always think I’m the best qualified person to watch them, much less someone else, but with Eanie and Pe-paw (as Rosalyn likes to call them) I know that they love my children more than life itself and that they will take care of them.

It was so different 8 years ago when Kelly first had cancer and we went through all of this stuff. We were young, stupid and in many ways it seemed like a bad dream and not reality. Now that we are older (and hopefully wiser) the reality is there, for me, the kids have a lot to do with that.

One advantage we have is we know what to expect, we know some precautions to take- the first time around there were many problems that resulted from side effects of the treatment and recovery- at one point Kelly probably should have had a blood transfusion, though the Dr. told us that if she pumped up the iron intake she would be able to avert that, she did and was able to get her blood counts back up but then that caused another problem. The cycle seemed endless, all in all, I think it took Kelly about two and a half years to fully recover and not have some sort of medical malady troubling her.

This time we hope, pray and believe that we can avoid much of the trouble we experience 8 or so years ago. The funny thing is that it seems that often Dr.’s know about the problems and some of the things you can do to avoid it, but won’t act on it unless you prompt them. Now I don’t think that they are out to see you suffer, rather I think this is a result of the current state of medicine and the habit of fixing symptoms rather than addressing the issues but that is another post altogether.

The good news is that Kelly’s cancer is treatable and we will get through it.

In other news- the business, though it has been put on hold for some time, I’ve been doing little things here and there and yesterday we took a giant step forward. I’ve taken a loan out against myself for some operating capital and to covering startup costs. The loan is actually against my 401k, but I figure it is my money, and I’m young enough that it isn’t going to negatively impact my retirement account. All interest I pay goes to my 401k- it is a great deal, the only negative point is that if my investments perform better than the interest rate that I’m paying, I’ll miss out on some cash. I’m not too worried about that though- my hope is that the investment in the biz will make way for an even bigger return. It looks like our first production run will hopefully be in late August, early September.

It’s been about 2 weeks since I bottled my beer- there is carbonation and no off flavors…looks like I dodged a bullet and the extra months in the fermentor weren’t too bad for it.

2004-06-21T10:27:00.000-07:00

Asleep In The Light by Keith Green

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown

How can you be do numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

"oh bless me lore, bless me lord"
You know it's all i ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But he cries, he weeps, he bleeds
And he cares for you needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in
Oh can't you see it's such a sin

'cause he brings people to you door
And you turn them away
As you smile and say
"god bless you, be at peace"
And all heaven just weeps
'cause jesus came to you door
You've left him out on the streets

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

God's calling and you're the one
But like jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in
Of can't you see it's such a sin

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
'cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, jesus rose from the dead
Come on get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the jobs done
"come away, come away, come away with me my love
Come away, come away, come away with me my love"

Taken from an email I sent to a friend this morning:

if you get a moment please pray for a family in our church, a single mom and her four year old son.

...a bit of background. back in February we received a phone call from a a friend, Tabitha, who volunteers with us in the youth group. a friend of Tabitha has a son but wasn't married- she and the dad were trying to figure stuff out but he had struggled with addictions to various drugs. Tabitha called because the father of the child had OD on heroin and was in a comma and needed prayer. She also wanted someone to spend time with the family at the hospital if possible. we got a hold of our pastor who spent the day with the family and the guy passed away that night. Kelly has wanted to get to know the now single mom, she lives relatively close to us and she and Tabitha have been trying to figure out a time for the three of them to get together.

fast-forward to yesterday, after church yesterday, we headed up to the youth room to say hi to a couple of kids that were still hanging out. while we were up there I recognized a four year old boy, who I had spent some time with when Kelly and I had nursery duty, and his mom. I thought it was strange that the dad wasn't around it was father's day after all. He was someone I had seen around the church a couple of times, I had felt like I needed to get to know him better. I thought about asking the mom where the dad was but I didn't. In the car on the way home Kelly told me that the mom was Tabitha's friend. the dad was the guy who had OD. I lost it. I've held that little boy, I've talked to that guy. God had prompted me to get to know him and now he is gone. I found some Keith Green last night as I went through some old CD's, asleep in the light is how I feel right now.

father's day...early

2004-06-18T14:04:00.000-07:00

I called Kelly this afternoon as I often do, what she told me next made my heart melt. Rosalyn is totally into Cinderella. She watches it at least once a day, today as she was watching it, and reading along with her Cinderella book (I told you she was into it), Kelly and Rosalyn had a dialogue which is the best fathers day gift I could ever get

Kelly: “are you going to marry a prince some day?”

Rosalyn: “yes!”

Kelly: “is he going to find your shoe?”

Rosalyn: “My daddy is going to find my shoe”

Kelly: “so you want to marry someone just like your daddy?”

Rosalyn: “yes, daddy is my prince and I want to marry someone just like him”

That was a pretty deep conversation for a two and a half year old, I think. My hope has always been that I would be able to set an example for my children, that they would want the relationship that Kelly and I have replicated in their own marriages when they get older. so far so good. I like knowing that I’m my little girl’s prince, I plan on being her prince until the moment I tell the congregation that I’m the person giving her away the day she gets married to whatever guy can not only pass my tests, but prove to her that he is worthy of her love.

Noah is getting less and less like a baby each day and is entering the toddler phase too fast, yesterday at the mall, in the elevator he said hi to a lady standing near, he also bopped his head back, much like Joey from friends when he says “how’s it going?”. I taught him the head thing, I didn’t think that he’d start using it so soon though.

I hope you have a good weekend, tonight I head to the ellum that is deep, to watch one of my favorite bands, not called common. And to hang out with some great friends. Remember that God is a Father to the fatherless, and that He can heal all that needs to be healed. Call you father and tell him you love him this weekend too.

it hurts

2004-06-17T16:23:00.000-07:00

My heart is broken today- I spoke with the sibling of a student who was in my youth group and is now in college. Let’s call her “A”. It seems that life for A hasn’t been all that great recently. She grew up in a good home, loving parents, good kids- the American dream. Seems though that A is dealing with something that most kids have to deal with in the 18-20something age group, that being parents who don’t want to let go and are too controlling. I know this family pretty well, and while I disagree with some of the things the parents do (sometimes many things) I know them enough that they do it out of love, no matter how misguided it can be. A’s reaction to it all hasn’t been the best, a friend of hers actually approached the siblings out of concern. Being the approachable youth leader I am, a couple of the siblings talked to me last night at church. A is away at college, her family has a no tolerance policy with alcohol and I think she recently turned 21, guess what happened.

I don’t know all the details, nor do I want to know. I know this…I would like to take a baseball bat to the back of the head of the bastard that took advantage of that young lady, whom I’ve watched go from a little teenybopper to a young adult.

Again, my heart is broken, I’m not a girl nor have I ever been sexually abused, so I can’t begin to understand the pain associated with being taken advantage of in a situation like this. I do have close friends who have been abused, the pain I have seen them go through, the things they have shared with me have caused me to have great compassion for victims of abuse, and I have lost any tolerance I would have for the predators that cause the pain.

I was holding Rosalyn as we spoke about A last night, I tried to imagine how our relationship will be when she is older and leaves the house. I hope that Kelly and I have a close enough relationship with the kids that they would speak up if we were driving them to hide stuff from us. I also hope that my actions don’t make alcohol taboo and thrilling for my kids to experiment with and lastly I hope I can raise my children so that they are responsible enough that they minimize their risks of being taken advantage of.

As the conversation with the concerned siblings came to a close, I asked that they tell A that Kelly and I love her, and miss her and would like to see her. The next time I see A I’m going to give her a big hug and tell her that I love her. I know that I can’t fix all the pain, but I know that love conquers all.

Oops

2004-06-14T16:05:00.000-07:00

With the changes I made to the layout here, I had inadvertently saved my posts this weekend as drafts, that has been taken care of and life can go on.

Hope you like the changes; at the very least I hope the changes don’t affect you negatively.

summer is here

2004-06-13T22:40:00.000-07:00

Kelly's parents are heading out of town next week so we went over to celebrate father's day early with them. Noah swam for the first time, a bit scary since he kept wanting to put his mouth underwater while continuing to breathe. Rosalyn is close to swimming on her own a bit, Kelly's step mom picked up one of those swimsuits with the foam inserts to help with floating, she had a blast. Ros was a bit shaken up from our previous swimming adventure where she swallowed a good amount of water, she came close today but was much more cautious than she was a couple of weeks ago.

we used the trip to the parents house as an opportunity to bomb the house, bomb as in bug killer that is- in the last week some ants decided our house was a nice place to stay and I've found that living in Texas- active bug control is needed. we had to sit in the van for about half an hour while the house aired out when we got home, that is always a fun time. I learned tonight that I can hold my breath and open widows in two rooms before I need another breath.

I'm afraid of my backyard

2004-06-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

I let daisy (my dog) outback this afternoon as I often do. This time as she trotted back to the porch area to let me know she was ready to come back in, she jumped back almost looking scared. I went to the back door to see what was wrong and there it was- a copperhead just inches from my back door. I hate snakes, I really hate snakes that can kill me or my family or pets. Not knowing if my dog was going to try to kill it herself, which I’m sure she would do if she thought the kids were in danger, she’s cool like that, I scrambled to figure out what o do. Rosalyn went into her high-chair, Noah in his walker, both secured away incase the snake came inside in our impending battle. Next I needed a weapon, I own a gun, though it is a pistol and isn’t the best for this type of fight, as far as firearms go a shotgun would be ideal- I found a very long 2by4. with that in hand, the kids in a safe place I proceeded to open the door hoping to be able to ambush my advisory and end the battle quickly. It turned toward me, not something I really wanted, so I closed the door, Daisy approached to get my back, I waived her off but she had distracted the snake for long enough, I opened the door again and **WHACK** I crushed it, well I did my best, it moved into some tall grass adjacent to my patio and slithered off…Daisy ran in and neither of us were hurt.

With all the rain we’ve had recently, the grass in my back yard got pretty tall- the perfect place for snakes to hide, when Kelly got home I mowed it. No more surprise visits from Mr. Pit Viper.

Between the snakes, fire ants, spiders and other various venomous wildlife that likes to use my backyard as their habitat I guess I will have to stop mowing my lawn barefoot.

a day of mourning

2004-06-11T14:33:00.000-07:00

Today while driving to work, as I listened to talk radio like I each morning I found myself crying as I listened to the silence of Reagan’s coffin being taken from the capitol.

Ronald Wilson Reagan was the first President I remember. I knew who Jimmy Carter was but Ronnie was my first president. I remember the Hostages being freed. I remember the assassination attempt, though it would be years before I understood what it meant. I remember the bombing of Lebanon. I remember Just Say No. I remember the jokes, the hatred that the people around me had for him. And I remember that Ronnie reminded me of my grandpa, and that I decided that they were probably good friends. As I got older, as I studied politics more and started forming my own views on things independently, I started respecting Ronald Reagan. Not only for being our President, but also for being the Governor of my birth state.

As I reflect on his life, I respect him more and more. His humor, his faith, his belief in people, his unwavering principle, his understanding of image and his love of people are things that make him so great to me. We have lost a great man.

The news of Ray Charles passing has saddened me too. His ability to effect the masses with only his voice, piano and smile is something that I will miss greatly.

The death of these two men has left a void in the world, it is time for the younger generation to step up and pick up the trail where these great men left off.

here are two links of audio from Ronnie, he had such a great sense of humor. the first was a joke- he was testing the mic before his weekly radio address and didn't realize it was live. the second was Ronnie talking about when he got shot. enjoy

bomb

shot

yadda, yadda, yadda

2004-06-10T14:58:00.000-07:00

we were suppose to have an event titled movie under the stars with the youth last night, but since it was raining we brought the screen inside- still Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies ever and can be enjoyed under the stars and in a youth room equally.

Though Kelly and I stayed way too late for Noah and Ros, by the time we got home our little angel was misbehaving and refused to go to bed, I even had to spank her. Kelly had only heard part of what had happened, though being the great wife she is she didn’t object till we had some alone time- after I had told her what all had happened, Kelly agrees that a spanking was called for.

I never realized how important a spouse that was on the same page as I am was until I found myself married, with kids I don’t see how it could work at all. Not having a good model myself, since my parents divorced when I was a baby and all their relationships afterward were lacking at best, I’ve made it a point to seek out good examples and have exerted a bunch of energy to overcome my shortcomings in the relationship department so I don’t make the same mistakes my parents made. in no way am I perfect, but so far I believe I’ve been successful and I owe it all to God and the work he has done in my life.

An interesting idea was brought up in youth last night before we had the movie, the Teaching was from John 14, in that chapter Jesus states that those that know Him will do greater things than He did. Jesus fed thousands of people with a couple of loaves of bread and some fish, what would happen if a youth group decided to only buy 1 pizza for an event that they were expecting a couple hundred pizza loving teenagers to show up to. What would happen if they were all fed??

summer anyone?

2004-06-09T15:25:00.000-07:00

June in dallas has been strange so far, the temp has mostly been in the 70’s and we’ve had either thunderstorms or rain every day it seems, I’m not complaining though- I’m not the biggest fan of 90 degree weather.

The kids continue to grow, Yesterday Noah learned how to drink through a straw, and Rosalyn is enchanted by the magic of Disney, I think she’s watched Cinderella twice a day every day for the last week.

Over the weekend I finally got around to bottling some beer I brewed a couple of months back- I should have bottled it a long time ago but life doesn’t always workout that way…I was hoping that the beer would still be ok despite my ignoring it and it seems like it complied, I even tested one the other night to see if carbonation had started, which was my biggest fear actually, and it had. I have beer, or will have it in a couple of weeks once it finishes carbonating.

That is all for now, I found some great Reagan sound clips the other day, I’ll post a link to those sometime soon. Hope your day is great!

i'm mad

2004-06-04T10:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday a person who has admitted to molesting 40 children, David Wayne Jones, was released from jail and is now in a half-way house in Dallas. The last time he was released it only took him 2 weeks to break the rules of his parole and he was shipped back to jail. Yesterday’s release was caused by a judge let him go on a technicality.

As a father I am having a difficult time trusting that my children are safe from predators that seek to harm them. There is a convicted child molester living about a block away from our house. Last summer, another convicted child molester opened a sno-cone stand across the street from the city park in our small Dallas suburban town. They are all around and I don’t trust that they aren’t a threat. The percentage of repeat sexual offenders, particularly those who molest children is extremely too high. Our process of punishing them doesn’t work. And, regretfully, I feel the only way to ensure that a sexual predator will not strike again is to either lock them up forever or cause them to stop breathing. How many lives have to be ruined by these sick bastards before the system changes??? I’m not an advocate of vigilantism but things like this make me close to it.

The state of Texas has a website that lists all the sex offenders who are living outside the confines of jail. I have memorized the faces of those who live near me, if I ever see them near my house or children I will do what I need to do to keep my family safe. These are the times that I’m glad for the second amendment.

That brings me to my next issue, I try to keep track of how people find my site, as mentioned previously many people find this little piece of the net by searching for weight watchers points and pei wei (a local restaurant). Though a majority of people who visit this site are friends, then there are the people come here because they saw a link on someone else’s blog and occasionally from my signature at relevant. Then there are the random, strange and sometimes outright sick searches that are done on a search engine. I guess as I continue to write and there are more and more words to choose from the possibility of finding this site through an unrelated word search increases. My frustration is those people who are searching for porn- not just your ‘naked chicks’ search, but some pretty strange and demented requests are made. And their numbers are increasing. In the past it was one here, another there. Now they are more frequent, and one search in particular got my blood boiling because it was clear the person was searching for child porn.

If you found this site while searching for porn, you will find none here- what I can give you is some advice though- STOP now. If it hasn’t already, the effects of pornography will ruin your life and the lives of many you care about around you. Nothing good can come of it, unless you stop and clean up your life. If you need help, send me an email and I will assist as best I can. If you don’t want to stop, then please leave- I have nothing for you.

tick, tick, tick, tick

2004-06-02T15:12:00.000-07:00

yesterday was my birthday- i turned 29. one more year till I move into the 30's. wow.

for the extended weekend we tried to catch up on stuff around the house, we took a trip to the mall and we relaxed. you can see some pictures I took with my new (happy birthday to me) camera here.

there was an awesome thunderstorm last night, over 8,000 lightning strikes, an awesome lightshow for those who could watch safely, a not so fun time for those traveling in the wake of the storms wrath. This morning there were half a million people without power today as a result. wow. it was pretty intense for a few hours, there was no damage near us but it was a bit scary/intriguing a couple times I had to go outside, one time it was so intense I just stood still while the sky lit up and bolts of lightning flashed all around the sky. God is such the multimedia showoff.

i want to sleep

2004-05-24T09:49:00.000-07:00

I had a really long post about how frustrated I am at Kelly's mom and how tired I am because of all we had to do for her this weekend. I deleted it- I don't want to bore you with my stupid frustration or litter your life with my crap. I hope you have a great day.

smile at someone just to see them become happy, and remember Jesus loves you even if no one else does.

more randomness

2004-05-20T15:01:00.000-07:00

Life is difficult I’ve decided- it is worth the cost though.

Noah got into a fight with the floor as he fell from a chair yesterday, his eye was a bit swollen but he was well, I think that he really enjoyed the fact that mommy held him for so long afterwards, he was back to climbing in chairs an hour after the incident, this time mommy moved them over carpet to provide some cushioning. When I got home, I was asking him about it, teasing him a bit, calling him ‘bruiser’ and ‘tough guy’ he just giggled back. Being a parent is one of the greatest things I’ve had the opportunity to do in my life, the opportunity to help shape a person, hopefully for better, and watch as they make their mark in this world, again hopefully for the better.

Only in Arkansas: I was listening to the radio on my way to church last night and the host was talking about a story he’d read about a guy in Arkansas. The bright gentleman saw a crate labeled “deadly poisonous reptiles inside, stay away”. What was his reaction? According to the story (I emailed the talk show host to get the source story, which I’ll hopefully be able to post at a later date) the guy read that and decided that he should not only approach the crate and look at the contents, but he should kick it too just for fun. There was a cobra in there, along with other deadly snakes, thankfully for this guy, they weren’t able to bite him.

Lastly for today, it has come to my attention recently that many people have found my site by searching on a search engine like google or yahoo for “Pei Wei Weight Watcher’s points” since I don’t want to leave my readers lacking I asked the nice people at Pei Wei if they had any nutritional info they could share or post on their website, here is the response I got. there is a link on the right for the info they attached. Enjoy and eat bunches of food from Pei Wei, it is good and they are nice- one note, be sure to double check the servings column, most of their dishes, not unlike most restaurants, are 2.5 servings per dish, their reply follows:

Attached you will find the latest nutritional information on our menu
items. We hope that you will find the chart useful when selecting an
option from our menu that best meets your individual needs, or keeping
track of your dietary goals while enjoying your favorite Pei Wei dish.

Please keep in mind that many of our dishes can be modified to better
meet your personal taste preferences or dietary needs. Since each dish
is cooked to order we can; steam the protein, go easy on the spice,
leave the wonton strips off the salad, add extra veggies, as examples.
Do not be bashful, inform our cashiers how you would like us to prepare
your meal...we will do our best to accommodate your requests.

We have been asked by the folks at Weight Watchers not to calculate
points for you, but you should be able to do so with the info provided.
We look forward to seeing you at Pei Wei.

mmm...peanut butter

2004-05-14T08:03:00.000-07:00

if you happen to live in Texas as I do, and you love Reese’s peanut butter cups as I do, and you happen to pick up a bag of the minis, don't leave them in your car on a day that it is going to be over 90 degrees. Not matter how long you try to cool them off with your AC it just isn't the same. on a good note, the AC in my mini van is very efficient, my fingers were very cold after holding my mini peanut butter cup in front of the vent for close to 10 minutes.

I’ve come to the conclusion that the American lifestyle is very expensive. Even if you are fairly frugal as Kelly and I try to be, life is just plain costly. I’ve thought of moving overseas and I know that there are many people who’ve been successful in cutting their cost by doing so, just take a look at corporate America, but I enjoy the freedoms and luxuries of being in the US. I guess I’ll just have to accept that living is expensive.

Something that I’ve learned with all that has occurred as a result of Kelly having surgery, is that recovery can be an isolating process. We have great friends, our church is wonderful and people have been there in ways we couldn’t imagine but it seems that through a combination of all that is involved in recovering the process can be pretty lonely. Kelly and I had a great conversation about it last night; we came to the conclusion that just as it is with other things, when you are down and out of your routine you are more vulnerable. Watching Kelly go through the frustration and deal with the isolation, or perception of it I’ve decided that I need to be more attentive when I know of friends that are recovering or are just in a vulnerable place and make sure to let them know that I love them and make my self available to them in that time. It has made the difference in our world when our friends have done that though Kelly’s recovery, we are truly grateful.

as promised

2004-05-13T12:04:00.000-07:00

here are some pictures of my recent hair-cutting activities

2004-05-10T15:06:00.000-07:00

It is starting to warm up down here in Texas, pretty soon our low temp will be in the upper 80’s to low 90’s and it will stay that way till
August...I don’t really enjoy the heat but I manage to survive.

Last week was interesting, I went to café brazil to hang out with some local people from relevant (and one from New Orleans, though he didn’t show up till the end). Any ways we had a good time and when Ros decided it was time for her mommy and daddy to head out we agreed, as I stepped out of the café I was talking with Ezra (one of the relevant folk) and we were approached by two guys who handed us tracts. The funny/sad thing, depending on how you look at it, was that after we told these guys that we were Christians, they continued to try to get us to convert. It was weird…but it has made me think. Unfortunately there are a good number of Christians who believe that the best way to lead people to Christ is though tracts and making them say a prayer, I have never though that that method is very good and on more than a few occasions I’ve believed that it does more to drive people away from anything related to Christ.

In other news- In desperation to fulfill a craving this weekend I mixed chocolate fudge pudding with some chopped peanuts and mixed in some caramel ice cream topping- I liked the results, so did Kelly and Ros, I had never thought of adding stuff to my pudding before, next time I shall try other stuff, maybe some chocolate chips and almonds.
It is starting to warm up down here in Texas, pretty soon our low temp will be in the upper 80’s to low 90’s and it will stay that way till
August...I don’t really enjoy the heat but I manage to survive.

Last week was interesting, I went to café brazil to hang out with some local people from relevant (and one from New Orleans, though he didn’t show up till the end). Any ways we had a good time and when Ros decided it was time for her mommy and daddy to head out we agreed, as I stepped out of the café I was talking with Ezra (one of the relevant folk) and we were approached by two guys who handed us tracts. The funny/sad thing, depending on how you look at it, was that after we told these guys that we were Christians, they continued to try to get us to convert. It was weird…but it has made me think. Unfortunately there are a good number of Christians who believe that the best way to lead people to Christ is though tracts and making them say a prayer, I have never though that that method is very good and on more than a few occasions I’ve believed that it does more to drive people away from anything related to Christ.

In other news- In desperation to fulfill a craving this weekend I mixed chocolate fudge pudding with some chopped peanuts and mixed in some caramel ice cream topping- I liked the results, so did Kelly and Ros, I had never thought of adding stuff to my pudding before, next time I shall try other stuff, maybe some chocolate chips and almonds.

so, hi

2004-05-05T14:18:00.000-07:00

the problem is that I've got so much to write about I don't know where to start-

Kelly is recovering well, though the last few days she has pushed it a bit too much and has had to take a few steps back. Noah and I have had great opportunities to bond in this time, though he's still a bit of a momma's boy which is fine, Ros is a daddy's girl.

I appreciate everything my wife does more and more every day- I have to get up a bit early and get the kids up, allowing Kelly to sleep in- then I head to work. I do more work at home in the short time I stay in the morning than I do all day at work. and there are days that I do a bunch of work at work, but two little ones are a bit more than computer issues.

I recently got a trailer that attaches to the back of my bike, it'll carry Ros and Noah until they collectively weigh more than 100 pounds (45 kg for those not in the US), which is a ways down the road. I've taken Ros out twice and the both of them once, they enjoy it, I enjoy it, Kelly gets some needed rest and time to herself and the extra weight resistance helps me to burn more unwanted fat. everyone wins!

avocados were on special again, 3 for 99 cents- we got 9 and ate 4 last night. If I didn't have a God already, I'd consider worshiping the avocado...

Please continue to pray for my granny- she's undergoing chemo for breast cancer. She lost her hair, so last week I chopped off most of mine and I'm shaving it tonight and taking a picture to send to her, hopefully it'll make her laugh and let her know that she isn't alone in this.

I'm back

2004-04-22T12:10:00.000-07:00

Kelly had surgery on April 9th to remove a mass in her neck, it turned out to be cancerous and they proceeded to remove 18 lymph nodes on the left side of her neck, an attempt to remove possible host sites for the cancer. she is doing well and recovering quickly- thank you all for your prayers through this, we needed it and we appreciate it.

in this time God has been showing me what is important, and what isn't. and also that I really don't have a right to complain. as bad as I'd like to think I have it, my life isn't bad. I have a beautiful, Healthy wife, wonderful kids, great friends, wonderful support from church...the lists goes on.

I’d rather not have to go through everything we’ve had to in the past few weeks, but this is life, and it is for those who choose to live. We have no assurances that it will be easy and many promises that if we intend on following God that it will be difficult.

I’ve been guilty of putting God in a box, making Him who I think He should be- I’ve missed out on a lot through that. It is times in a person’s life, a crisis of faith like facing cancer that God uses (if we let Him) to com out of the box and be real in our lives. in the normal day to day crap we can get so caught up on so many things that distract us from God, life and everything that God wants from us.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t have all the answers but I know who does and recently He’s reinforced to me that it is important to chase after Him, ask Him to search our hearts and reveal the areas that need change and re-create areas that have died. It isn’t enough to say you love God and want to do his will, give your desires legs and run with it.

so much has happened since I last wrote here- I'll catch up on some of the better things as time allows.

thank you for your prayers.

good news

2004-03-30T14:45:00.000-08:00

results are back- the mass is smaller, they still want to do surgery but are waiting till next week- that means that Kelly won't be in surgery or recovering from on her birthday which is Friday- also we are able to go to my grandparent's for their 60th anniversary this weekend. We had originally planned on driving out, but we can't do that now- we did get great deals on flights to the bay area so we are doing that, the only drawback there is we won't be driving through socal to see friends there.

still we are excited and we pray that by next week all masses will be gone and the Doctor won't have to operate.

thank you for your prayers.

....waiting.....

2004-03-29T14:23:00.000-08:00

We wait. no results yet. so we wait.

My hopes are that if there was something, it is now gone, and if there wasn't that it stays that way. At church wed night last week the students prayed for us, some have amazing zeal and faith- I'd love to have the same faith and zeal. the prayer was intense and if nothing else we know those kids love us and will help if needed. as they stood around us with their hands outstretched to us and praying out loud I imagined that someone who isn't a christian would be a bit confused by what was going on though I also imagined that they would see the love that those kids have, Kelly and I certainly do not doubt their love. it is nice to know that the time and love we've invested has had an effect and that the kids care about us in return.

Wednesday night Kelly and I also got to meet Ambra, yet another one of my internet friends. She was in town on a business trip. after she and I exchanged email about meeting up while she was in town, she showed up at church. It would have been nice to be able to talk without some of the distractions of church, maybe show her some of our favorite places in dallas, have her over for dinner, hang out, whatever..but there will be more trips I'm sure and meeting in person was great- if you think she's a neat person digitally, she is so much more so in person.

The business is onhold for obvious reasons, we are still planning on going through with it- Kelly is very excited about it starting, we just have some stuff to deal with before we can climb that mountain. Speaking of mountains, though the biz is on hold, I did manage to finish up a design for the logo, sine I am not an artistic person I’m pretty proud of myself, tell me what you think.

you can see samples here and here

that is all for now, thank you all for your prayers, we feel them.

One more thing, this subject has come up in recent discussions with many people lately, I’m writing a blanket response here, more to organize my thoughts, so here you go-

My thoughts on Kelly, God and Miraculous healing: We trust in God, the Great Physician to heal Kelly, we just don’t know what vehicle he’s going to use to heal her, I prefer the one that doesn’t include scalpels, needles and Doctors. That is what we are praying for and if God can get someone like me to start going to church, then a miracle like this is nothing. But I realize that God is a God of variety and I’m not going to limit him to act on my terms or in a manor that I dictate, He’s already confirmed to us that His will is being done in this situation, I trust God to take care of us and our needs, no matter how he does it.

it's been a while

2004-03-24T10:06:00.000-08:00

Life can be really difficult at times, for me that time is now.

All signs are indicating that Kelly has cancer again- She goes in for a cat scan on Friday and assuming that the scan confirms what an ultrasound found, she’ll go in for surgery some time next week.

We escaped last weekend, we headed to North West Arkansas, Devils Den state park and went camping. Some friends from Dallas came with us and we met up with some friends who live in Kansas City. It was great; we hiked, sat around the camp fire, talked, prayed, roasted marshmallows and avoided the stress and frustration of our normal life. We needed it, the time away was therapeutic. We enjoyed it so much that we are discussing buying some property in the area with our friends so we could have a vacation getaway spot. The area is in the Ozarks and is so beautiful, property is cheep and we could put up a couple straw bale structures and have a nice area to just relax and enjoy God’s creation.

Unless the CAT scan indicates that there are no problems, the next few months are going to be difficult, recovering from surgery isn’t fun and Radiation therapy is not only physically taxing, it will limit the amount of time Kelly can spend around the kids until the radiation is completely out of her system. As a stay at home mom, I know she would enjoy some time away from the kids, but she can’t go more than a couple of hours separated from the kids before she starts missing them terribly.

As her Husband (and friend) it is difficult to see her have to go through all of this, a friend asked me last week how I was doing through all of this, specifically as the head of the house and the battles that a man goes through when his greatest earthly love is in pain. My response was “I don’t want this fight, but I’ll do it”

In all honesty I don’t want to go through this fight, I don’t want to have to deal with it all but I will. It is my duty. I know that God is with me, I know that he will give me the strength. Right now, I sit waiting for the next battle to begin, I’ve checked my equipment, made sure that I’m as prepared as I can be and I make it a point to live life today and know that there is a battle to fight, when it comes I’ll do what ever needs to be done to come out on top. It won’t be easy, life often isn’t- c.s. Lewis once said something to the effect of “you play the hand you are dealt, and I think the game is worth it” and it is. seeing Kelly and our children makes it worth it all for me.

bizar randomness

2004-03-09T15:34:00.000-08:00

according to this bag of David Sunflower seeds- I am unique, cool, confident, independent, active and hard working all because I am a seeder (someone who eats sunflower seeds) what a load of crap.

I go on to read instructions on how to eat the seeds. apparently because smart, bright, intelligent and intuitive didn't make the list of qualities that apparently all sunflower seed eaters posses we need instructions on how to eat them. I wonder if they have translations for birds and squirrels? so the instructions are:

crack the shell with your teeth, eat the seed and spit the shell. Experienced seeders pop a handful of seeds in their mouth and store them in one cheek, then transfer a seed over to the other side their their tongue, crack it, then eat the seed and spit the shell.

DAVID- EAT. SPIT. BE HAPPY™

no joke. someone actually got paid to write that stuff. I wonder if they will ever get sued because someone breaks a tooth cracking a shell per the instructions they've provided. I do some technical writing in my job now, the stuff on the back of the seed bag takes that cake on 'it's amazing someone got paid to write that'

Ever since Kelly and I have been planning our business I have been a bit more scrutinizing especially with any type of 'product' that can be bought, I look to see why would someone buy it, what uniqueness is there and why are these people successful. some, like the sunflower seed people seem to just have a corner or just plain dumb luck- others it seems really take pride in their presentation and are always on the cutting edge, most of those companies also have a marketing budget that rivals the economies of small nations.

where am I going with this you ask, well I have no idea. Just some random thoughts while I prepare to start our company.

when I figure out where we are I'll tell you

side note- I started writing this a few hours ago, had a few meetings and came back to finish. rather than edit it down, I've decided to just let the random babble stand.

random thoughts

2004-03-05T10:39:00.000-08:00

I'm about to head to lunch with my brother in-law, it is our regular accountability meeting. I love that guy, and am so grateful that God has given me a friend like him to travel the path of life with.

Since I've been hearing that the reason there aren't more jobs created in this country because the current workers are too productive, I've taken it upon myself to reduce my productivity to help some poor chap get a job, just don't tell my boss. Today I've been reading about coding for the net, found some interesting stuff on integrating flash and PHP, might just take a stab and play around with the look of the blog here when I have a bit of time.

in one week, Kelly and I will be the sole owners and corporate officers of our corporation- still trying to figure out my title, I'm thinking COO- Chief Operating Officer, Kelly is going to be the CEO and majority stock holder.

Work, fun and storms

2004-03-04T13:39:00.000-08:00

I've been a work all day but I haven't done much work- mostly I've been trying to find a good rss reader and have had to reinstall mozilla 50 million times because of java problems. my search continues. In my quest I found out that blogmatrix is not longer operating, sad but there was no money to be made and it probably cost too much to maintain.

we are in the middle of some big storms, tornado warning sirens have been sounding and rather than heading to a safe area, most of the people on my floor are at the window watching the activity outside, curious fools (I’m one of them, I spent some time at the window myself).

Church was good last night I guess, our pastor was sick and at the last minute I found out that I was to run the service. We had our small groups after worship, announcements and a series of me fumbling around the stage almost breaking things like the mic and part of the drum set. I had a great group of guys, my only fear is that I’m either not telling them stuff that is relevant to their lives or that my message is very repetitive and becoming stale. Still they come back and listen to me so I guess there is something in it for them.

Next week we have what we call our compel service- we have games, a band, someone who comes in and breaks things with his head, free pizza- it is a night kids in the group can bring a friend to church to have fun but there is a catch- there is a message and everyone is offered the opportunity to accept Christ as their savior. It is our evangelistic service, and it works.

Yes my church is actively engaged in activities to convert people, if we didn’t then that would be a sign to me that we didn’t believe in what we preached. I wouldn’t want it any other way, I figure everyone else is recruiting, we should too- especially if we think our message is true.

marching orders

2004-03-02T14:15:00.000-08:00

I'm taking my first trip of the year in a couple of weeks, last year I was able to put the travel off till the latter half of the year, I haven't been as successful this year. I'm headed to Boston, I've been there before and am pretty familiar with the area I'll be staying, I got a good deal at a hotel downtown. On this trip I'll be headed to Connecticut for the first time in my life, I have a lot of family history there though because I'll be working I'm not sure how much sight seeing I'll be able to do in Connecticut. oh well, there are places in Boston that I would like to visit and my evenings there shall suffice.

Today I decided that I won't be renting a car while in Boston, typically I rent a car without thinking about it but since I'm staying downtown, I'm flying into Logan, I can take the 'T' (boston's public transportation) and my co-worker up there will pick me up in the mornings and will drive us around to the locations we are working I see no need to rent a car for close to $500 and spend another $30 a day on parking at the hotel plus all the other responsibilities and costs of renting a car. I'm going to make it a point to walk around the city in the evening a bunch, I started to walk the freedom trail when I was there before and I hope to finish it on this trip.

We saw the passion on Saturday, all I can say is that it was emotionally draining and while I may never watch it again, I'm glad that I saw it.

Saturday night Kelly and I ate dinner with Ezra (Good Knievel) and Joel from Not Called Common, it was so nice to sit and talk with them, eat some good food from Café Brazil and just hang out. These last few months I’ve had the great pleasure of meeing some of my online friends in person, Ezra being one. Kelly continues to make fun of me, the fact that I have these ‘internet friends’ but so far so good. We are in the planning process of a trip out west to Cali where we will hopefully meet some more of my online friends!

Kelly and I are getting very close to the date we incorporate our little business, we are starting small, hopefully it will grow to something larger but not so quick we can't keep up.

I’ll close with this little quote from Benjamin Franklin’s Healthy, Wealthy and Wise:

“Most fools think they are only ignorant.”

this week is better than the last one, I guess

2004-02-26T15:58:00.000-08:00

Took Ros to get her stitches taken out, it was a little traumatic at first but she soon settled down, her wound is healing up nicely and it looks like there will be little to no scar, yeah!

Kelly's mom is in physical therapy, it is difficult for her since she is the youngest person there and it is becoming very apparent to her that she's too young to be going through this, had she taken better care of herself she wouldn't be going through this. it is unfortunate.

There is a short list of people that were very involved in my life while I was in high school and lived in the Seattle area that I no longer have any contact with for various reasons, every once in a while I do a little search here, a little checking up with a friend there and I've actually been able to find a couple. Earlier this week, I 'found' one of those people; my high school girlfriend Michelle.

We didn't communicate, rather I saw that she listed herself on the classmates.com site. she listed very little info and since I refuse to pay for the classmates service I will most likely never be able to communicate with Michelle via that channel. the little bit of info she left broke my heart; one word- divorced.

Over the years I've thought about Michelle, said a little prayer for her here and there and had hoped that her life was well. It saddens me to know that she is divorced, in talking to Kelly about it we discussed the fact that to me marriage is such a wonderful thing, the thought of not having Kelly is just horrible and divorce isn't in the vocabulary, I know that divorce causes huge pain and I hate to think that she is living with the reality of that pain. Also because the depth of our relationship, the time we spent together and the acts that we committed with one another- I fell in someway responsible in sending Michelle down the path of divorce. my prayer is that God will hold Michelle close and bring her great joy, Michelle is a wonderful person, we were good friends and she deserves the best.

I ate lunch with a couple of coworkers today, we went for Indian food! yummy. there were 5 of us, I didn't know 2 of them. One guy started trashing religions, God and the passion. I was silent. He gained faith in himself and started pointing out the many flaws of Christianity and the fact that they just blindly believe this myth and that, he explained that he was an atheist and thought it was ridiculous that anyone would believe in anything other than themselves. I don't know if it is the beard or what but I get told a lot that I don't look like a Christian, pretty funny since Jesus had a beard fuzzier than mine. back to the story, someone else at the table asked me (one of the guys who knows me) "which Church do you go to Chris?" I responded "the Hillcrest Church". this guy's eyes got so big. it was a classic moment that gives life to the statement better keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you are a fool than open it and remove all doubt. I was nice, I explained to the guy that the real problem in religious discussions is that people don't respect others beliefs and accept that they could be valid to them. It wasn't the time or place to try to explain to him why I'm a Christian and why I believe in God but his God bashing stopped and we had decent conversations about many topics through the lunch. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

pictures, pictures, pictures

2004-02-24T12:46:00.000-08:00

I've got a web page with some recent pictures here

interesting

2004-02-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

still working on the pics

2004-02-23T15:23:00.000-08:00

in the mean time you can see some new ones here:

#1
#2
#3

don't know how I should title this

2004-02-22T21:28:00.000-08:00

In the morning I get to wake up early and drive my mom to the airport- her stay here has been interesting.

In some ways she is justified in her frustration, in many others she isn’t, at least I think. I haven’t done the best job that I could in mailing pictures to her, sending thank you cards and showing my appreciation for all that she does. On the other hand, my mom wants to blame Kelly for all those things. She even goes further, I won’t go into it all because it isn’t important here or appropriate, I will say this though, I believe a bunch of it is spiritual. My mom isn’t a Christian and has stated that she never will be. It is difficult to discuss anything of depth with someone who refuses to acknowledge your view or reason even if they don’t agree but just acknowledge that you differ, something that my mom does quite a bit. I will not miss her telling me that I don’t understand something because I haven’t lived as long as her and there is no way that I’ve experienced anything like her in my life. I know she’s older than I am, she’s my mom and all but any time we disagree rather than agree to disagree or have a civil conversation she plays the age card and totally discounts everything I say, and she wonders why I’m not a diehard democrat like her. I love my mom, I love her bunches but she drives me crazy sometimes. I’ve committed to make some changes and work to make her feel more included in my life and the lives of my children since our homes are a couple thousand miles away but I fear that there are lingering issues that will not disappear anytime soon, my prayer is that my mom will come to know Christ as her savior. Unfortunately until there is resolution with certain issues, I will have to continue to be a jackass in her eyes and stand up for my wife (the common target of my mother’s lashing out) and I will continue to be in some ways an ungrateful son. I’m not perfect and I will work on improving the areas I’m wrong in though, just not all the area’s she wants- I will not leave my wife and move back to Seattle- 2 of her top wants.

Outside of my mom being here and all the stuff related to that, this has been a crappy week for hospital stuff, I wrote about Rosalyn’s ER adventure already. Kelly’s mom had another stroke Friday so we are dealing with that, and my Granny got her pathology results back, they removed a lump and 10 lymph nodes, 3 were positive for cancer. They are starting chemo soon- not fun. We are supposed to go visit my Granny and Grandpa in early April, it is going to be their 60th wedding anniversary, my dad’s family is planning a little get together- we hope that Granny will be well and that the cancer or chemo don’t take too much from her.

I can honestly say that right now life is pretty crappy.

Ros’ cut is healing pretty well, I’ve been cleaning it a few times a day and the stitches are coming out Tuesday, once that happens we will start applying vitamin E, hopefully there will be no noticeable scar left, so far so good.

I’m going to bed, I’ve got a bunch of pics to upload, I think I’m going to try for tomorrow when I’m at work, faster connection and I’ll have some time hopefully.

2004-02-20T15:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday while playing at the park, Rosalyn tripped and fell, at first nothing appeared to be wrong but quickly after I picked her up I noticed blood on my shirt. Apparently when she fell, Ros hit her cheek on the stairs of the playground equipment and it caused a laceration on her cheek just over her cheek bone. It wasn’t fun, we rushed to the ER and were quickly escorted to a room in the back, after x-rays (nothing broken) and some local painkillers they sowed her up, she is such a trooper. Holding her and looking into her eyes as they stitched her up was difficult, she was a bit scared. I never really want to repeat that experience, I fell like a failure as a father in that my job is to protect her from stuff, and I was standing right there when she fell. I know that I couldn’t have known or really prevented it, and that everyone gets hurt, heck I’m covered in scars, it is just this is my little girl and it pains me so much to see her go through stuff like this…after it was all done and she was patched up, the ER tech brought her a popsicle, she loved it. I hope she doesn’t catch on that trips to the ER will get her yummy popsicles. That is all I have time to write currently, if you think about it pray for us, and for my granny (dad’s mom) too, she has breast cancer, they’ve done some surgery and are starting radiation next week. We are suppose to go see her and my grandpa in April for their 60th anniversary.

stuff and more

2004-02-17T11:27:00.000-08:00

ok where to start?

first an update re: Kelly, her levels are down which is good but they are still higher than we'd like them to be so we have a Q&A appointment with her Dr. on friday we will hopefully know more then but for now things are better.

Work has been hectic, I got my review last week and it was ok- still have some issues with the ole boss but for the most part things are good. I also found out last week that the company did very well and in turn they are sharing the wealth a bit with us, the employees- so I'm getting a decent bonus and with it (ironically) I'm going to start my business and hope that it can replace my current job, we shall see.

My mom is in town, she flew in Saturday night/Sunday Morning- she was suppose to get in at about 1am but a flight got canceled and she had to be rerouted and didn't get here till 5 am. it is nice t o have her here, though there are things that bug me. more on that later-

Sunday night my mom had some of her friends who live in the Dallas area come over for dinner, they are friend of hers from High school (HS for her was in socal) it is interesting to listen to how they all got to the dallas area- I was a bit bothered at first that she was having her friends over for dinner but I knew that it would be somewhat fun but I didn't know that it could turn out so great for me as it did. the dinner turned out to be possibly a very profitable dinner for me and the recent developments in my soon to be business. I was sitting there talking to Mike who is married to one of my mom's friends- we were the only guys there so we talked for most of the night at one point Mike asked "so what do you do Chris?" I told him about cingular then talked about the upcoming biz stuff. then it got very interesting. Mike explained that he was a business consultant, that he had many 'friends' in the world of retail and would be happy to introduce me to them. he then told me about a couple of these 'friends'. wow...wow........WOW! then we talked some more, and it was so amazing, only the future will tell what will come of our little conversation. I also found out through that conversation that the brother of one of my mom's other friends who was there is a VP at sysco in charge of new product development, she gave me his phone # before she left. the night wound down with me getting phone numbers and Mike asking me to give him a call so he could 'set some things up' once the new biz is started. my head was about to explode and Kelly had only heard bits and pieces through the night- when she put it all together my mom was trying to figure out what happened, Kelly looked at her and said "Mike just told your son that he can help make him very rich!"

wealth is not my only or top goal in starting my business but success is, and if in the course of being successful I make more money than I do now, then praise God! Seriously. It is a small world that we live in and it is interesting to see how things work out, the connections we make and how just knowing someone can change everything. I look forward to working with Mike and seeing if/how his ‘friends’ can help me in my business, if nothing else I’m sure I can learn something from them. I figure that at worst next year I’ll still be working in my same job with a garage full of sauce, at best I will be working fulltime with the new business complete with some space for Kelly and the kids to hang out at the warehouse so that while I may have to work strange hours, they will still have access to me and I will be able to spend time with them.

wasting time

2004-02-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

so here i am at work, but I'm not working. though I'd like to work, but I can't- you see I am in a training session at a remote office, I'll be here all week in the mornings, but I'm not getting trained, I'm here to provide support if there are problems and to take down suggestions for our development group, so I'm working sort of, but for the last 2 days I've spent most of the time just sitting here doing nothing.

it isn't a complete loss- I did notice that my entry from Sunday night, though I did save it, I didn't publish it so I'm going to publish it when I publish this. I'm bored and could probably be more productive at starbucks. oh well. hope your day is going better. hey, there is a problem I get to go fix- joy!

midnight drives and I know now why I was so fat

2004-02-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

yesterday Kelly and I decided to take a quick trip to see some friends in the houston area. Our friends Mark and Lisa had a baby back in December, their second, and we hadn't had the chance to see them or meet their youngest son Sammy yet. we took off about 9pm and arrived in Conroe, our destination about 1am. I used to be able to drive for hours through the night without getting tired. that was then, this is now- we stopped on the way down and I picked up one of these:

SoBe Adrenaline Rush- I don't partake in consuming energy drinks often, but when I do they certainly make me zoom- I don't see how people can drink those things on a regular basis.

So we got to Mark and Lisa’s about 1, we stayed up till about 4- that would have been OK except the kids, all 4 of them wanted to get up at 6. rough morning, we took shifts allowing others to sleep a bit more. I was nice seeing our friends, it was nice to meet Sammy, and it was great that Ros got to play with Nate, Mark and Lisa's son who is 9 months older than Ros. Sammy is so cute. He and Noah seem to have the same laidback personality type and I see them being great friends- Nate and Ros have always loved each other and it was nice that they could spend some time playing, even if he did knock her down a couple of times and I had to step in and be her protective daddy.

Kelly and I lived in Conroe for many years, I think that we kept the restaurant industry there alive. before we left on our short trek home we ate lunch at one of our favorite mexican places with our friends. we ate till we were stuffed, then we had more. we don't normally eat like that now, looking back I'm surprised that we weren't fatter than we were. wow. it is late, I'm tired and have to head to bed, I have an 8 'clock meeting in the morning.

oh, any guesses on what I had at the mexican place? I had a stuffed avocados, surprising i know- i ordered it more because I had it a couple of years ago and couldn't remember how they made it. oh my, imagine taking an avocado, stuffing it with some fajita chicken, then closing it back up and coating it with a bunch of cheese, put a crust on it and fry the bad boy, that is what I had and I don't think I'm going to eat for a week now.

life goes on

2004-02-05T08:06:00.000-08:00

so i sit here waiting for Kelly to pick me up, she has a lab appointment today, the results of the lab work will determine our next step in this whole process and will indicate how likely it is that she has cancer. I'm not excited but I want to get this done. God has been so good to us this last week, we have been able to look at everything with a clear head and we have plans in place should she need to undergo treatment. we won't get the results back till next week, so for now we will just wait.

the 6 avocados have been eaten, they were very yummy! I figure that we have averaged about 10 a week in our hose since sometime in December. have I mentioned that we like avocados? ;o)

monday, monday...

2004-02-02T15:55:00.000-08:00

am I the only person who didn't watch the superbowl this weekend? PBS had a marathon of technogames, kind of a british robot wars, only better. I knew that the technogames were better than any superbowl but I am even more glad that I missed out on more of the same hype/crap we ingest as consumers.

Kelly is going to get some more blood work done thursday, from there we should have a better idea as to what all is going on and will make decisions for the next step.

with that I'm packing up and heading home to my lovely wife.

remember the only thing in heaven that is man made is the scars on Jesus.

knife fights and bananna bread

2004-02-01T21:46:00.000-08:00

My 3-day weekend is ending, it has been fun, adventure filled and I'm tired. Today, 16 years ago at around 8:30pm pacific standard time my step brother Jeremy decided, while he and I were wrestling in the kitchen, to see what happens when you put a knife in someone's back. it hurt a bunch and I was taken to the ER where they decided after a couple of hours that no lungs were punctured. a lot has changed in my life in the last 16 years most for the better- I haven't been stabbed since and I haven't included Jeremy in my life.

As I sat tonight pondering my life and the crap I've been through I come back to the same thing- with God I can go through anything. and that to live life to the fullest I must life life one day at a time, today I have a healthy wife and kids, tomorrow may or may not be the same but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

so that I don't fail my title, I will now discuss my banana bread- yesterday as Kelly caught up on some sleep and the kids were watching baby Einstein (crack for kids, only good for them!) we had some old bananas and I was in the mood to bake something, about an hour and a half later I was pulling two perfect loaves of banana bread out of the oven. pure joy. a couple of things that stand out though, Betty said (betty crocker that is) that if I had 8x4 loaf pans that I should use 2 but if I had 9x5 then I should only use 1, well that just doesn't make sense and even though I have the larger pan. I noticed this morning that we have some more bananas that are getting old, looks like I’ll be making some more bread soon.

One last thing before I head to bed, avocados were 3 for a dollar, Kelly got 6 tonight. I love avacados

drive west err...to west

2004-01-31T08:46:00.000-08:00

we drove to a little town called west after our youth event last night. the youth event was a blast and I'm a little sore from the pseudo-sumo wrestling, it was a bunch of fun.

West is a little town between Austin and Dallas- it was settled by Czech's back in the 1800's i believe and are know for all things czech, for most that means kolachies. we went here for ours. I'm tired, we didn't get in after our little drive till about 4 am. good night

reap what you sow

2004-01-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

yesterday was an interesting one. I felt less beat down by the cold and headed in to work, despite my serious lack of sleep, believing everything was ok. kept busy and all was going pretty good then it happened. I told my boss about what is going on with Kelly and that I may need to take some time off for testing or more, then I started crying. yep, right there. then I was pretty much useless.

Lately I've been stetting at my desk all day without getting up much, often skipping lunch, because I've been really busy with some new projects, I've even been working late to just keep afloat. But yesterday I knew I needed to get away for a bit, it was absolutely gorges outside so I decided to walk around the block so to speak. on that walk I can't say God and I had a conversation, but I did talk to Him, I told him my fears, I told him my desires and I told him that I realize that I'm not in control here and I need His help.

The walk was good, and I was able to get a bit of work done back at the desk. Funny thing the ways God works, I was on the phone with one friend and chatting with another online when on the phone my friend started praying for Kelly and I, specifically against fear at the same time my friend online was telling me to not fear. guess what, I had some fear going on. Fear in and of it self isn't necessary a bad thing, it is when you allow your self to be consumed by it, when you give it the power to take away hope that it is bad- i was headed down that road, thankfully a couple friends spotted that and helped lead me back on the right path. it is difficult to get anywhere productive in life without friend who are willing to help out in times of need. I'm so grateful that I have friends who I know will rejoice with me in my glad times, cry with me in my sorrowful times and kick my butt when I'm being stupid.

Then I went to church- Kelly had to stay home with the kids, they are still a little sick- I headed to church more upbeat than I had been earlier in the day, looking forward to whatever God had planned for the night. Well lets just say that God continued to pour out his love for Kelly and I. During praise and worship, Eric our youth pastor asked me to step forward, I did and he told the kids that Kelly and I have been a very important part of the youth ministry for the last few years and that we give our time, love and other stuff and now it was time for the kids to give back a little. He explained that the kids have been sick off and on for a while and he told the kids that Kelly got news that she may have some health concerns, then a room full of kids surrounded me, reached out their hands and started praying.

Anyone who thinks that our younger generation is useless or is going straight to hell is flat out wrong. In fact this young generation has the burden of carrying on the torch of our faith. Think of it this way, Christianity is only one generation away from complete extinction. This fact compels me to work with teenagers, encourage then in their faith, help them with the struggles they face, answer the questions they have, love them, and show them through my actions that while some see Christianity as a religion that you follow because of obligation or tradition, Christianity for me is a lifestyle and relationship. I'm not alone, there are others who also see and desire to live out their lives as Christians because of a relationship with a Man who came to earth, life a perfect life, died a horrible, torturous death and miraculously rose from the grave, ascended into heaven and is alive today.

Because He is alive and because I do my best, though I do fail at times, to live out my life following after Christ, a room full of teenagers prayed for me, my wife, and our children. more than praying idle words, they showed their love, they gave hugs and many offered their help to us should we need extra hands around the house or someone to watch the kids. they should be careful what they ask, we just may take them up on it. No amount of words can express the joy and thanks in my heart because of what those kids did for my family last night. When I got home and told Kelly all that happened, she stopped me and asked what time all the praying occurred, I estimated that it was around 7:30- Kelly laughed and told me that about that time she and Ros got extremely joyful and just started dancing around, hmm- I wonder why?! ;o)

after the little love session, Eric did something that I still feel like was too much in some ways, though I know God was involved. Eric told the kids that the offering was going to be a little different, it was going to go to Kelly and I. ::what?!?:: Eric continued and said that right now, Kelly and I don’t need to worry about making dinner and he though it would be nice if the kids gave some money so we could pick dinner up or go out a few times. I had, and continue to have some mixed feeling about it- primarily, I am not worthy, I do not deserve this and there are so many more people that could use this money more than I. Eric handed me a wad of cash after service and told me it was mine, that I couldn’t refuse it. God did the same but my pride tried to overrule, the pride lost out.

this is where it gets interesting, you see I actually wrestled with God a bit on some money issues on the way to church last night. I have a great job, that provides well for my family- Kelly stays at home with the kids, we have a nice home and good vehicles, but after all the bills are paid there isn't much money, and sometimes we've found ourselves having to do some juggling. We've learned that we have to budget and plan so that we are using our money properly and not wasting it. I'd like to make more, not for the sake of making more and having more stuff, though I would like those things. Kelly and I still plan to start our business in the next few months, and we feel that God is leading us that way and that there is a great opportunity to grow financially through our business endeavors. On the way to church last night, I was wrestling with some issues related to money and in the end, I felt God was telling me to wait on Him and He will surprise me in ways I could not imagine. So there I stood knowing that God was backing up his claim earlier of surprising me as The offering was going around and Eric handed me the money. The money those kids gave for my family isn’t a huge amount, though it was a decent amount. I feel like I won the lottery- only better. I believe the jackpot of the texas state lotto was $64 million, what I got last was so much more. Thank you kids, thank you God.

My boss’ boss just came to my desk to let me know that he and his wife spent time in prayer for Kelly and I and wanted to know how we were doing. Sometimes I don’t like my job much, God continues to show me that He has blessed me and I should be more thankful though. And having a boss that prays for me is a huge thing I won’t forget.

the joy

2004-01-28T00:36:00.000-08:00

I've been learning stuff tonight. how to be a better father, how to be a better husband and how to understand phpbb a little better.

I taught Ros how to thumb wrestle tonight, she doesn't get it all but she understands that the point is to get her thumb on top of mine, I foresee many fun matches throughout our lives together. It seems that Noah is starting to teeth, night time has been tough with him, I just put him down. He is a little bit of a momma's boy, when he is tired there is no one else that can calm him down, Kelly needs her rest so rather than bother her, I dealt with it. not the easiest thing to do- for some reason (probably because he's only 6 months old) he won't listen to me or discuss what is wrong, he would rather cry and fuss. he is better now, and we got to spend some guy time alone. it is fun to have another guy in the house.

my friend ken finally made it over to my boards, but funny thing, he couldn't register. Turns out the theme I just switched to for my default didn't have a link to the registration page, so I dug through the code, found where to make some changes, created a little image and now anyone can register on my boards. I'm feeling rather geeky. and I like being a geek

in case any of you were wondering how I did last semester, I was finally able to log into the system at school today and get my grades- and I got A's. now kids you can be like me too and get good grades, the trick is taking bunches of notes and studying alot. actually I don't take many notes or study all that much, yes I am that guy in class that bugs the crap out of everyone else because I crack jokes through class, never read my book but I still manage to get the grade. it is a gift and a curse, in high school I studied maybe a total of 10 hours all 4 years and did even less homework, I only passed because of tests- now that I'm older I wished that I would have applied myself just a little more back then. If i had I just might have already gotten my degree and I wouldn't have to still be in school. don't be like me, apply yourself, and even if you retain info like a sponge, do something challenging and get through it, it beats spending your nights and weekends away from friends and family to get that needed piece of paper to advance in your career. there is a reason why it is called a Bachelor's degree, you are suppose to get it while you are still single.

good night everyone, I have to go to work in the morning and it is soo late already, I know that I'm gonna be very tired- ah well, I can blame the cold if anyone asks.

one more thing, we had an avocado tonight, they were on sale for $0.58 each, I picked up 4. none were ripe yet, the first became edible tonight- the remaining should be ripe soon. have I mentioned that I really like avocados?

thank you

2004-01-27T13:39:00.000-08:00

thank you all for your encouraging words, prayers and love. it means more than I can say.

other than having a cold that is kicking my butt, I'm doing better- I stayed home from work yesterday, Kelly and I were both sick so Ros and Noah took care of us. not really but they were great despite our inability to tend to all of their needs, my kids are awesome and I owe it all to my wife and her hard work with them day in and day out.

this weekend we spent some time in prayer and discussion and research and we feel better about the future and whether or not Kelly has cancer again and our options, still I am concerned but we won't know much more until May when some more tests are run, a sign I hope that the Dr. doesn't think we need to worry much.

again thank you.

the perfect ending for the week I've had

2004-01-23T16:21:00.000-08:00

Now, I realize that I have a great life, I have a great job, a house, two vehicles an awesome wife, perfect kids and wonderful friends. but this week has really sucked. there is no other way to put it.

Today, Kelly got a call from her Dr. today, some thyroid level is off and they want to recheck it. normally that wouldn't be of much concern, but my beautiful bride had thyroid cancer almost 8 years ago and there is a little concern. honestly, I'm scared. So is she. I trust that God will take care of us but there is something that still makes me cry when I think about Kelly having cancer again.

I've been telling God how much I need her this afternoon, I think he's heard me- I know he has because she is at home waiting for me and I know that if it weren't for God, I wouldn't have a woman like her.

all this and I get to teach sunday school this weekend, the subject is - 'experiencing God', should be fun.

back to our regularly scheduled programme

2004-01-22T10:56:00.000-08:00

ahh life- isn't is just grand sometimes, and yet others it is crappy. today is crappy- in about an hour I'm getting in a bus to head to a hotel conference room and listen to some upper management blab. they call it a town hall meeting but it is nothing of the sort, a true town hall meeting is where you gather people and allow them to share ideas and concerns and those running the meeting are actively looking for other viewpoints. today's meeting is part of an ongoing attempt of making us conform to the company's way of thinking. this job pays my bills, my family is where my loyalties lie.

in other news, Kelly took Noah to the Dr. today, he continues to be congested and it appears that he has allergies. that sucks!! we are going to have to make some changes in light of Noah's allergies, this is one of those moments in parenting that isn't fun at all.

back to work I go so I can be caught up before heading out to the town hall meeting

looks like we made it

2004-01-22T09:31:00.000-08:00

me thinks that my little issue is fixed. woo hoo!

i'm such a geek

one step closer

2004-01-22T08:18:00.000-08:00

this is so fun, somehow I totally jacked the code in my template- there is a lesson to be learned, backups save you, I isolated the piece of code that was messed up and replaced it with what I had in an old backup, problem is that backup doesn't have some things I've added since then. I think im in the clear though, I can publish to php again and soon I'll have everything added back.

not that you really care though, but hey, I have your attention I might as well blab. ;)

houston we have a problem

2004-01-22T07:16:00.000-08:00

my commenting is down for a short time, the problem isn't really with the commenting code (at least I don't think so), for some reason when I publish this as PHP I'm getting a parse error, if I publish it as HTML, no problems, but my comments only work if the page is published as PHP. the joy.

life- yeah it beats the other options

2004-01-20T22:04:00.000-08:00

so where to start?

Rosalyn is absorbing so much knowledge it is frightening. all weekend long she addressed me as 'chris', it is interesting to hear your 2 year old address you by name, it is kinda cute but she knows that I'd rather her call me daddy and that is why she does it. she is a strong willed child, not sure where she gets it from, Kelly and I aren't strong willed (yeah right!!!) what were they thinking when they let us get married and have kids.

This morning we (Kelly and I) discovered that Rosalyn can now bypass the nice doorknob covers we have strategically placed around the house to limit Ros' access. the two big ones being the one on the inside of her room's door to keep her in there at night and during nap time and the one on our bedroom door to keep her out when we are sleeping and such. I was in the shower and Kelly was still in bed when Rosalyn opened our door and hopped into our bed, as I was drying off, I poked my head in our room and saw a bewildered wife and a proud child. then at naptime, when Kelly was taking a shower and she thought her daughter was sleeping, lets just say Kelly was a little surprised when the bathroom door started opening.

I just changed the doorknob on Ros' room with a doorknob that locks, except the lock is on the outside so until she learns how to unlock her door with a penny we are safe.

Kelly and I like to make salsa, it is fun and with the amount of salsa we eat it saves us some money, in addition we can control things like heat and flavor. Now Kelly and I can eat some pretty hot stuff, we've been known to burn some other people with our cooking (kids just ask Dan about hot food at the Larson's) so the other night Kelly is making salsa and she asks how hot I want it, I tell her HOT!! She made it and I proceeded to eat.

WOW
She added a couple extra red chili peppers to ensure it was hot enough, it was. I've eaten some really hot stuff in my life, I've had wasabi eating contests with friends were we ate very large amounts of the wonderful green horseradish until one of us caved in, I've eaten habanero paste at the denver airport (funny story I'll have to tell later) that would make most gringos pass out- now Kelly's salsa didn't compare to these experiences but the stuff she made was still hot, hot enough that the burn was a little bothersome, but I could take the edge off by continuing to eat the salsa, kind of a 'hurts so good' situation. as long as i continued to eat it I was fine, only when I stopped did it become a tad too hot for comfort. lets just say I ate a bunch of salsa, to the tune of 2-3 cups. Kelly found it rather amusing that I continued to eat the salsa after explaining that it was so hot. Our lives are so exciting, can’t you tell

Now I’ve debated on whether or not to post this next part, and I’ve decided to go with it.

Intimacy in marriage is important (it is more than that, it is crucial for the survival of a marriage), intimacy has many forms. unfortunately our society equates intimacy with sex; intimacy is so much more than sex. So the other night Kelly and I were intimate- we held each other sans clothing, and it was not sexual. Why would I tell you this?? I don’t know really other than to share with those who are currently married and with those that will be some day that moments of intimacy in a marriage are needed. Non-sexual moments of intimacy are needed in a marriage, and it is usually the wife who needs it and it is usually the guy who either doesn’t know to or just flat out wont do it. Sex in marriage is needed too and can and should be intimate, but marriage and life are about so much more than sex.

For the guys- take time to listen to your wife, know that she is different from you, sometimes she just wants a back rub or to be held without pressure of ‘going all the way’. It is OK and you will survive.

Wow, all that and I didn’t get to talk about driving the Saturn home from Kelly’s dad’s house and us being a 2 car house again or the fact that Noah is a climbing maniac child, another day another post.

bizarre randomness

2004-01-15T14:41:00.000-08:00

so far this year I've eaten close to 10 avocados. I love ‘em. I could eat one a day or more, they are just so great. probably not the best for me in the world, though they are healthier than most folks think, they are pretty high in many nutrients. and they taste so good. That’s all, just me thinking about the great fruit known as avocados.

ohh what we miss by not waiting

2004-01-15T13:24:00.000-08:00

Noah ate his first non-breast milk food the other night, I think he liked it. it was some oatmeal baby food. the milestones of a person's life are so interesting. Noah has grown so much and developed such a personality in the 6 months he's been living in our world. i am amazed daily in the small things that God reveals to Kelly and I through our kids. I know now why so many people start going to church when they have kids. Kids have a way of making God's wisdom so real in our lives.

I just got off a conference call that lasted about an hour and a half- sad thing is that not much was accomplished. work is getting increasingly frustrating. I want to quit and just do my own thing and be successful, though I know that I must have patience. stupid waiting

will the insanity ever end??

2004-01-13T13:42:00.000-08:00

well I guess life isn't that insane but I thought it made a nice title, what do you think??

Rosalyn has finished her round of antibiotics and appears to be doing better and Noah is getting back to normal himself so life at the zoo is better for Kelly and I.

Kelly had a girl's night out with some friends; she hasn't had to opportunity in a long time to do that so it was really good for her to get out spend some quality time with the . They ate here, pei wei happens to be our favorite place to eat, since Ros can be loud, she likes the kids honey chicken with noodles and we can all eat for less than 20 bucks. once Noah starts eating I guess we'll have to change that to 25. he is worth it.

While Kelly was off having fun with her friends, I was at home with the kids, their schedules were messed up and they missed their naps so they slept most of the time Kelly was gone.

I vegged. It was nice

then I did something I wish i hadn't- I watched part of the surreal life. Ohh my. Ron Jeremy, Tammy-Fae and Vanilla Ice. I want 23 minutes and 51 seconds back of my life. good thing I can multi-task and I did other stuff wile I watched. if you haven’t seen it yet, don't bother and if you have, I'm sorry.

...just another manic monday...

2004-01-12T08:12:00.000-08:00

Kelly and I had the wonderful pleasure of meeting and hanging out with Parke yesterday. good times. it is funny, he's a friend I met over the internet, now we've met in person- life, technology and the way that our culture is changing because of things like the internet is so very interesting.

I’m a geek, I have friends that I only know through the internet, that is pretty cool.

leaving for the day

2004-01-09T16:25:00.000-08:00

my work day is ending (though a little late, i've been busy this week). I'm excited about this weekend. we have a couple of big things going on, we are actually getting the saturn from my father in-law's house on Saturday and Sunday we get to hang out with Parke (chicago kid), he's coming to town this weekend and he is gracious enough to hang out with our crazy family, fun times to be had by all. I hope you all have a good weekend.

remember that killer bees are mean and Jesus loves you, the moral here is hang out with Jesus and not killer bees, though that may be obvious, i didn't want anyone to be confused ;)

what do you think?

2004-01-09T16:18:00.000-08:00

I'm thinking of doing this

I've always kind of wanted dreadlocks, now i can do it and not be smelly or dirty. wonder what Kelly would think?

here are a couple of pretty funny links:

#1

#2

money, money, money

2004-01-09T09:10:00.000-08:00

Kelly is looking into the possibility of working part time. I have very mixed emotions about it. She is only looking at doing it one place though, Weight Watchers. She is a 'lifetime member' meaning that she has reached and stayed at her goal weight. And apparently Weight Watchers only hires people that are 'lifetime'. I think she would enjoy helping other people attain their goals and she has wisdom to share about the process. She went to a little informational session about working for WW earlier this week and she is suppose to be contacted for an interview shortly. it will be interesting if she does it.

Switching gears- I hate reality TV, think it stinks but last night I watched the apprentice, the latest one where 16 people compete for a job with Donald Trump- interesting. I kinda liked it. I won't be able to watch any more shows though, it will start showing on Wednesdays and that is Church night.

lastly, this story is pretty entertaining, long read though.

interesting reading

2004-01-08T12:47:00.000-08:00

this story on wishful thinking's blog is interesting, though it isn't very surprising to me, the society we live in doesn't teach, endorse or enforce personal responsibility.

I wish I had a basement

2004-01-08T09:38:00.000-08:00

this is a great story. if only she had a cast iron pan.

the elevator ride

2004-01-06T22:22:00.000-08:00

yesterday as i left work, I was waiting for the elevator. about the same time a Hispanic guy walked up and pushed the button for the freight elevator. the doors opened immediately and he walked in, I was still waiting on my elevator. you see this guy was on the janitorial staff, I'm in management, we ride different elevators at work, that is just the way it is. but he decided to break the rules- he invited me into his elevator, and I accepted. the ride down was short, but we had a conversation, it was well past 5- he asked if I was headed home, I told him yes and that I had a long day- i asked him the same. through our conversation I found out that he was working his second job and that he had a long day too.

I also learned something else in that conversation- though it wasn't anything he told me directly. I learned that I really need to judge less, and love more. that there are people that want to talk to me, just to talk and that God has given me the ability and responsibility to share joy and love. I could have very easily thrown up a wall, and not accepted his offer or just as easily pretend that I didn't see or hear him, though that would be wrong. I'm glad i didn't.

Next time I hope my elevator shows up first and I can ask him to ride with me!

comments

2004-01-06T17:34:00.000-08:00

I've added comments, if you need the same check this link out

can you feel the love?

2004-01-05T16:54:00.000-08:00

a commercial came on with cindy crawford and her daughter- when Ros saw it she pointed to the little girl and said "Rosayln" then pointed to cindy and said "mommy!" made Kelly's day. Kelly called to share the love. I asked who Ros thinks I am on TV and apparently I'm Doug from King of Queens? nice

stupid virus

2004-01-05T15:57:00.000-08:00

Noah has a stomach virus, i think that Kelly and I have it also. The Dr. told us to make sure he doesn't get dehydrated and wait it out. the joy.

Today I got some great info that will assist in the creation of our little company, not sure if I shared that Kelly and I are starting a business this year- we are, it is going to be a food manufacturing biz and today I got some helpful phone numbers.

still getting people with interesting searches- the latest is 'eskimo family pictures'

what the

2004-01-05T10:31:00.000-08:00

it is winter. this weekend though you would have thought that it was late spring, the temp friday and saturday was in the 80's, I had my AC on most of the weekend. then I head out to work this morning and it was 29 degrees. Texas is so weird. I'm about to head home for lunch, Noah has a Dr. appointment, his congestion won't go away and Ros started on antibiotics last week for the same thing, the joys of parenthood.

how people find my site

2004-01-02T10:03:00.000-08:00

though most people who read my random babbling do so because I've asked or they know me and they read for amusement, there are those poor souls who find out about this blog other ways- here are some of my favorites-

a google search on 'where can i buy a elephant for my zoo'

another google search on 'cowgirl boots' this one looks like it was from France

and lastly a search on the motherinlaws.com website for 'mother in'

however you found me, I hope your visit here is pleasant- drop me a note and let me know what’s going on in your world

Happy New Year!!!!

2004-01-01T07:17:00.000-08:00

I hope you are safe and well in the new year.

Kelly and I have spent the last 8 New Year's Eves together, that is a bunch. wow, I feel old. last night we put the kids down to bed, they've been a little under the weather so we skipped out on a youth event. Then we had a wonderful dinner, followed by some Champaign and some lindors chocolates. thank you to my friend Ken for the suggestion of the chocolates way back in the day, they are oh so good. ;)

We were watching the Dick Clark special, and I don't know if we missed it or what but it seemed like they totally blew off the change to midnight for those of us here in the central time zone, oh well.

Happy new year, I hope last year was good, and this year better. and I pray that you are blessed beyond your imagination and that you would know Christ more in the new Year.

teeth, doctors, disability and carrousels

2003-12-29T21:42:00.000-08:00

life here at the zoo is wonderful, I've had the last couple of days off from work. it is nice, though we didn't have too much down time. Yesterday I went to the dentist for my cleaning- i was suppose to be there in June but I've put it off till now, don't do that please go get your teeth cleaned every 6 months, your teeth will thank you- luckily for me I have such great dental hygiene I was in good shape. ok my dental hygiene isn't the best in the world but I do work at taking care of my teeth.

from my cleaning Kelly had a Dr. appointment, one of those girl appointments, after that we got to drive all across north Texas trying to get paperwork turned in for my mother in-law's disability stuff. oh how I love working my butt off for some one who is as ungrateful as Kelly's mom. I like Kelly's step mom much more and rather than rant about Kelly's mom I'll just stop there.

after getting the paperwork in we headed for the mall, we had promised Ros a ride on the horsies. Driving to the mall i was amazed at how much the area we were driving through has built-up. We were in McKinney driving to Frisco, both use to be small, small towns- Frisco I think was the fastest growing places in Texas the last few years. what was once open farms and ranches is now stip-malls and cookie cutter neighborhoods.

we got to the mall, apparently other people decided to go to because it was packed- amazingly by looking at the way some people were dressed you would never know that it was cold outside, me thinks that with this new improvement in the economy designers can start putting material back into clothes, especially clothes they design for 13 year old girls.

Ros rode the carrousel and loved every moment, Kelly and I joked that the carousel is there to get little girls in the habit of making their parents take them to the mall, now that I think about it more- I'm not sure that it is much of a joke.

amazing

2003-12-28T07:45:00.000-08:00

She is still asleep, I can't believe it. Normally Ros gets up by 8:30 but either she was up and played in her room in the night and is sleeping in or she just likes her new bed. wow.

toilet talk and bed time stories

2003-12-27T23:15:00.000-08:00

my little girl is growing up. Ros is potty training currently- i never thought I'd get so excited about anyone's bodily functions. she insists that Kelly or I sit in the bathroom and talk with her as she does her business. the conversations that have come up as a result of our bathroom time are very interesting- I'm getting a glimpse into the way my daughter learns and processes info. in addition to the potty training, Ros is now sleeping in her toddler bed. We tried in the past to get her in the big girl bed but she always wanted the crib, we fixed that today by disassembling the crib. I was scared that when bedtime came we would have a fight on our hands, but thank God- she crawled into her new bed and fell asleep.

Noah also has new sleeping arrangements- he's been sleeping either on our bed or in the bassinette next to our bed, tonight he is in his crib, in his room. I have to find a place to store my beer stuff now that he is in his room though- not a bad trade for a good night sleep.

pagan traditions and christianity

2003-12-26T21:14:00.000-08:00

I hope you had a good santa day, that you helped our economy and bought into some of the commercialism of what is suppose to be some type of holy day (the holy $$), and I hope that even though Christ wasn't born in December, your celebration of his birth was good and lifted Christ up. enough sarcasm...

we had Christmas- twice:

# one on Christmas eve with a couple friends and Kelly's mom. it was nice we ate fajitas and exchanged so presents. Ros got a talking Barney, as i videoed the gift exchange and Ros unwrapping her gifts I whispered into the camera that Barney is gay. Kelly caught me though. it will be funny in about 15 years when she watches the video and Noah cracks up and agrees with me that barney is gay. though I'm not sure what the purple dinosaur's sexual preference is for sure, but it gets laughs from my friends and that is all that counts right?

our second Christmas was with Kelly's step-mom, dad and family. it was fun, our meal was much more traditional- turkey, casseroles, cornbread dressing and all. gift exchange was nice, this time without my inflammatory comments about Barney. interesting note though- one gift that was given was a 6-pack of beer (from me to my brother in-law, he's so cool) and an Onion daily desktop calendar (from him to me, again he is so cool).

Kelly and I are now trying to decide on what we are going to teach our kids about Santa- personally I think that it is a lie and once the kids figure it out they will doubt other things you have told them, i.e. the resurrection of Christ. Kelly agrees but is concerned about what the parents of other kids would think when in Kindergarten Ros spouts off telling the other kids that Santa is a fake and their parents lied to them. I understand but am not too concerned, parents of other kids aren't going to like me for teaching my kids the truth about God and Christ. But I also realize that part of being a kid is stories and imagination, I don't want to squash that. So currently the idea is to teach the kids about Saint Nick, who he was, the things he did for God and why we would have traditions that celebrate that. also when she understands explain to her that the idea of santa isn't bad as long as you realize that it is for fun and make believe. it is a work in progress and is subject to change but i like it more than telling my kids- "you better behave, santa isn't going to bring you any good presents this year if you keep acting that way" that's the wussy way out in my mind, when I hear parents spout that crap off I want to tell them to stop trying to be their kids friend and discipline the kids rather than use things as a means of negotiation.

ok enough ranting, it is late I'm headed to bed

coloring outside the lines

2003-12-23T15:36:00.000-08:00

this morning, as Kelly grabbed a quick shower before her day of craziness started (she's a fulltime zoo keeper you know, a monkey named Rosalyn and a little frog named Noah keep her really busy) I sat with the kids and Rosalyn served us breakfast. I think we had ice water and chocolate. you see the meal was imaginary. Rosalyn got a play kitchen for her birthday, with it came 129 accessories- some plates, silverware, pots, pans, plastic food, cups, etc. This morning Ros grabbed a cup, went to the little fridge on her play kitchen and put the cup up to the water, ice dispenser and got some imaginary ice. then she filled the cup with imaginary water at the water faucet. she refilled the cup a couple of times for me, I was thirsty. She then got a plate, a spoon and what i think is supposed to be a hamburger patty (though it was chocolate this morning according to Ros) and she and I took turns taking imaginary bites of the wonderful chocolate. Noah got a couple of bites too. I think we loose touch with our imaginations as we grow older and it has been my experience that for most Christians the imagination is something that is not used except for when we dream about what we are going to do when we win the lottery, after we tithe that is. I'm glad that the lord of the rings is as popular as it is, even if the movies isn't as good as the books. You see Tolkien felt that imagination was very important in out spiritual walk, without it how could we know God and his magnificent ways. So as I sat there, sharing made up meal with my two year old I thought about how great our imaginations are and how sad it is that we don’t use them.

Imagine

worldview part 1

2003-12-22T14:22:00.000-08:00

not sure what all I'm going to do with this but here goes-

a couple of you have emailed me your answers to my questions on worldviews. and I can say that you two aren't in danger of being corrupted by others or blind to what your worldview is. that is a good thing. I know people that state they believe in one thing but when answering the same type of questions I asked reviled that they believe something completely different. that can be a scary place and unfortunately in the church today we have many lost souls who don't know the beginning of what they believe or what is true.

while I believe that there is only one true and valid worldview I do not believe that people who have differing worldviews from mine are in any way inferior to me or should be looked down on or disrespected in any way. If I did think that, I couldn't love my parents like I do, their world views are so different than mine it isn't funny.

know this though- I will do everything I can to present my worldview as valid and true, and expect that you would do the same- if I am wrong I want to know before it is too late. If I'm correct I want to help those who aren't so we can travel down life's road together.

so my first question was ->do you know what your worldview is?

why is that important some would ask. to me it is the beginning of the process. to talk about the subject we must first examine ourselves honestly to find the answer.

For me my answer is yes I know what it is. more than that though I know that my worldview is more God's than mine, I had my worldview before I walked with God and he changed it all. I know that I could not hold the worldview I do now except that God make me- otherwise it wouldn't make sense.

so my question again to you is do you know what your worldview is? pay attention there is going to be a test in the end. and if my sources are correct, the test is pretty important.

twas the monday before Christmas......and no one os working

2003-12-22T09:18:00.000-08:00

It amazes me that the country doesn't just shut down the month of December. There are very few people here today, most are probably at one of the 50 million malls in the Dallas area spending bunches of money. that is nice, I'll just sit here at work and play around. We are having a department Christmas party here, I think there are going to be less than 10 of us, I made some potstsickers for the potluck.

Yesterday I accomplished something that I though might be impossible- I started my car. ok here is the story: Last year while driving to a wedding shower for friends (I married them!!) our car started acting strange, turned out that the head gasket went out. The car sat for months and Kelly and I have been sharing the mini-van. Well a couple of months ago we towed the saturn over to my father in-law's house to begin the process of replacing the head gasket. a spare saturday here, and hour there and yesterday we got everything back together and we started the car up. no leaks, it looks like we did it correctly. We just have to get it registered and inspected and we will be a two vehicle family again.

Kelly and I went on a little date last night, it was nice we went to see Master & Commander- a pretty good movie. it was nice to spend some time alone with the person I like to be around the most in this world. I'm so glad to have Kelly's step-mom to watch the kids, she loves it and we trust her more than we do Kelly's mom. Jeani (or Eani as Ros calls her) is so wonderful. after the movie I made Kelly jump on my back and I gave her a piggyback ride through the parking lot. it was like we were silly young kids on a date, all the silly kids on dates looked at us thinking 'woah, they're kinda crazy'. life is fun, taking your spouse out on a date is fun.

only 3 days left before my son's first Christmas!

the weekend cometh

2003-12-19T16:12:00.000-08:00

it is late friday evening- I'm headed home. I've been trying to settle into my new website while maintaining a job- next week will be slow so I should be able to wrap up most of what I want to do. Feel free to go check out the board I’ve setup, I did it because I wanted to learn more about phpbb but some friends have found that it can be entertaining.

Tomorrow and possibly Sunday I go to my father in-law's house to work on my car. It's been over there a while and we've been working on it for a couple of months when we can on the weekend- the head gasket went out so we've had to take the engine apart and now we are reassembling everything. the joy. once done Kelly and I won't have to share one car though and that will be nice to be a two vehicle family.

The kids constantly amaze me- Noah is scooting around, not toatlly crawling, more of a lunge with his arms and a little help from the legs but the kid is quick. Rosalyn continues to grow in beauty and wisdom, she is potty training currently. I can see how God gets excited about the little things we do. She is also singing her ABC and many songs that she’s learned in nursery. Having kids truly is a blessing from God.

Our neighbors moved yesterday, they moved to Seattle- I'll miss them. when we moved into our house last year their house was the only one on the street, the street has been built up since but Larry and I became good friends, plus he gets to move to Seattle.

2003-12-17T09:26:00.000-08:00

I'm the worst father in the world!

maybe not but I feel like it. My job is to protect my children, this morning I get a big fat F. here's the deal. Kelly fed Noah then went to take a shower, leaving him in bed with me. All I had to do was watch him. I fell asleep. Then I awoke to a very strange noise at the end of the bed, Noah fell head first off the bed and the thud of him hitting the floor was amplified 10,000 times. Kelly rushed to his aid and I sat up in a stupor. He is fine and nothing appears to hurt but that's not the point- I was suppose to be watching over him, protecting him and loving him through my actions, instead I decided to sleep.

I'm so thankful for God's grace, and the grace of my wife and kids. I realized that I need to take things more seriously as we checked Noah out making sure his limbs were working, that there was no trauma to the neck and that he didn't have a concussion. The stakes are too high to not take this game of life seriously; I have skated by too often on my charm and good luck.

pray for me and my family if you get a chance, we need it. thank you.

welcome to the new home

2003-12-16T13:55:00.000-08:00

if you are reading this then you've found the new location for my blog, new location, new look but the same old rambling. enjoy!

moved

2003-12-16T13:09:00.000-08:00

ok so I think i'm ready to move the blog! yeah!!! go to:

my new blog!

A vacation at home

2003-12-13T01:59:00.000-08:00

Well, we started a little late today, we spent the first half of the day resting, allowing everyone to catch up on naps. While getting ready Kelly decided that Rosalyn needed a little hair cut. Just a little trim at the bangs was all that was needed. but this being the first time scissors have ever been used on her hair, Ros was very interested in what mommy was doing and she kept looking up to see, in turn Kelly was not able to cut straight, in the end though it turned out fine and my little girl got her first hair cut. We were eventually able to get out of the house and we headed for that Aquarium. I had to stop for gas, normally I wouldn’t mention it but I got it for $1.27 a gallon, it’s been a while since I’ve seen prices like that for gas. We got the to Dallas World Aquarium and the rain was pouring down so we found a semi close spot to park, loaded up the kids into the backpacks and ran in. the Dallas world Aquarium isn’t really your normal aquarium, it s more of a re-creation of a section of a South American Rainforest Jungle with animals from around the world in various exhibits. Rosalyn got to see many types of monkeys so she was very happy. We finally got out of there about 5, just in time for rush-hour traffic. We drove around a bit and passed by a little Mexican restaurant that looked good (we were hungry) we stopped and ate. The food was really good, I had the best torta I have ever eaten tonight, I have a feeling that we will be going back to that place.

It is amazing how wonderful it is to take a little bit of time off work and just hang out with the family. The kids are so awesome; Noah is proving to be quite the character- to get attention he will cough. It is really cute, when Rosalyn was about the same age she would fake a sneeze to get attention. Kids are so cute and when you least expect it the steal your heart.

On the way home Rosalyn sang most every song she knows, I still start getting misty eyed when she sings “Jesus Loves me”. one of my prayers with my children is that there would never be a day in their memory that the weren’t serving God and getting to know Jesus on a deeper level. So far so good.

Noah is sleeping in my arms right now, he is so beautiful- I'm in love. he's got this daddy wrapped around his finger, Rosalyn probably showed him how!

times, they are a changin'

2003-12-12T00:33:00.000-08:00

so after close to 8 years of having my webpages on geocities, I have decided to cough up the cash to get my own webpage- you can see the first page at www.centermountain.com

I'll probably be moving my blog over that way, but it'll be a few days before I can get everything setup the way I want it.

I've taken a few days off of work to be with the Fam. Ros turned 2 on the 10th so it was the perfect excuse to start my mini vacation. it has been nice, today we mostly ran around town while Kelly went to a Dr. and Dentist appt. thank God for double strollers, I took the kids to the mall to walk around for the first appointment and I just don't know what I would have done with out the 2 seater. tomorrow (tech. today) we are going to spend the day playing, first at the aquarium then we are just going to wander about aimlessly, just enjoying the fact that it is a Friday and we are all together. Saturday I have to go to the in-laws to finish working on the saturn, I've replaced the head gasket that went out, I just have to finish reassembling the engine, then we will be a two car family again.

good night, it is late and I have an early date with the 3 most wonderful people in the world; my wife and two kids.

worldviews

2003-12-08T23:18:00.000-08:00

Weird things are happening, not sure how to explain it, not totally sure what all is going on- I feel kinda like God is stirring some things up in and around me. It is strange, it isn’t bad, just different and I’m not sure what exactly is going to come out of it all or where God is leading me. I feel like something is happening related to ministry and my role in it but I’m not feeling called into a fulltime pulpit type of ministry, I guess that in some ways I’m feeling called out of the shadows and into more of the spotlight. Though I could be wrong. Again, I’m not sure totally just trying to put all the pieces together.

Now where did I put those polka dots got to finish my God house……..Just when I’m putting the finishing touches on the box I made for God, He decides to show me yet again that it is my heart, not my man-made façade, that He wants to dwell in…..

Tonight I sat in class again watching as everyone else in the class stared at our instructor as if they were a deer in headlights. Am I the only person who knows about worldviews, not just my own but others? I realize that I live in Dallas Texas where a majority of people’s foundations are a basic Christian philosophy add to that my School is a Christian University but come on folks there are other people out there and other views on life. I was not raised in a Christian home or Christian environment, I held worldviews that weren’t Christian before I came to Christ, and I have always strived to understand where other people are coming from so that I could have a better idea of where people that were different than I were coming from. I guess those things give me unique advantage over my classmates with respect to knowledge of a variety of worldviews. So I ask you, whoever you are reading my random babbling, the following questions

1. do you know what your worldview is?
2. do you know why you hold that worldview?
3. Can you identify other people’s worldviews and have some understanding why they believe in them?
4. Is your worldview constant with what you proclaim your spiritual beliefs to be? (amazingly many people can not say yes to this after some honest introspection)
5. Do you see opposing worldviews trying to influence your faith, church or community?

Specifically with regard to your worldview:

1. is there a God, if so what is the nature of God, who is God?
2. if there is a God, is God personal?
3. How did the universe come to be and is there anything (God, random evolution?) that influences the world today?
4. what are humans?
5. have we evolved from some other creature or were we directly created?
6. What is our significance in this world?
7. How can we humans know anything, how do we know what is true?
8. is there life after death?
9. how do we determine what morality is?
10. are there absolute truths?
11. Why are we here?

I actually want to know your answers, email me. I want to know your thoughts on this worldview stuff.