have lemons? make lemonade

Tonight as I was driving home, the strangest thing occurred. I was shifting into 3rd gear when using my stick shift was doing nothing, I was stuck in neutral. I feared that my transmission or clutch failed. I put on my hazard lights and coasted, praying that my car would make it to the upcoming side street, as I was on a very busy road, it was getting dark and drivers in the DFW area aren’t known for their kindness.

I thank God that I’m built like a pack mule, pushing a car on an incline isn’t my favorite of jobs but when I need to, like I did tonight I’m glad that I can. I got the car and myself situated in a safe side street and I called Kelly. She called her dad to come tow me and I tinkered around. I discovered that what had occurred is that the stick shift somehow became detached from the transmission, probably a pin or a bolt, and I even got the car into gear, 4th, so I was able to discern that the transmission and clutch were OK. And the fix is something I can do pretty easily.

As I waited, I decided that I was really hungry, there was a gas station a couple of blocks up the road so I took a little stroll. As I returned I noticed another car coasting with their hazard lights in about the same place I broke down. It was kinda déjà vuish and I laughed to myself, this can’t really be happening. I went back to my car for a second, and noticed that the other car had come to a full stop on the busy street. I decided that I should check on them and offer a hand. As it turned out, in the car was an older lady, probably in her late 50’s, she had run out of gas and was not able to move the car. She was stuck. I offered to push her out of the way, she was happy to let me.

I was really upset when my car broke down tonight, I told God about it too. When that lady broke down and I was there to help, God showed me that sometimes He needs us to give up a bit of comfort and be flexible so we can be available to assist those in need.

Not sure if my car broke down so I could help that lady but I know that she needed help and I was there to give it. Thank you God for giving us opportunities to help others even in our own times of need.

hi

I'm still alive

My little trip to the ER and other fun stuff

Friday night, just after the kids went to bed, I started to feel sick. There was an even at church that I had planned on going to but feeling ill, I decided to stay home and try to get rest. Stay home I did, get rest I did not. When the nausea hit I knew I was in for trouble, when it made true to its threat it all went down hill. I’m grateful that I have such a loving wife. Anyone who loved me less would have hated me for throwing up in their bathtub. After a few hours of my body expelling stuff we decided that the ER was the place to go. On we went, and they were so nice. I was really dehydrated and they hooked me up to an IV. They gave me Demerol and Zofran, once those hit me I was felling really good. After running blood tests and doing a sonogram of my liver and some other things to determine that everything was well and that I probably had a bacterial infection, they sent me on my way. We got home just in time for the kids to wake up, it was about 9am. Kelly’s Dad and Step-mom came over to be with the kids in our absence. They are such a godsend. I immediately went to bed and slept all day. Today I’ve been up here and there. I’m suppose to be on 3 days of bed rest, and I’m trying my best to follow Dr.’s orders. I don’t believe I’ve ever been as sick as I was that night, and I don’t really look forward to trying to break the record ever. An interesting side note: the room I was in at the ER was the same room they put Rosalyn in after her ant bites.

We are now a two car family again, after what seemed to be 50,000 attempts at passing emissions, my Saturn, the car I replaced the head gasket on finally passed. It is so nice to have two cars that are street legal again.

A couple of weekends ago we headed down to Austin to visit Kelly’s aunt and uncle. They are such great people. They are both pretty much retired now and spend most of their time working on their cabin out on the river about 30 miles west of Austin. We stayed in town mostly but spent a little time out at the cabin and river. It is so nice, peaceful and relaxing. My cell phone doesn’t workout there much less my pager. I’d like to spend more time at the cabin, I think this fall I’m going to take a week off of work and help her uncle finish the cabin. Their construction loan runs out in December, so I know they would like the extra help and on a selfish note I think I need to spend some quiet time somewhere like the river. I’ve got some pictures of the cabin and river from the trip, I’ll post them soon.


Good night, and if you too find yourself sick for hours with liquids shooting out of your body, go to the ER, they can make you better.

stupid me

didn't realize that I hadn't posted the latest on Kelly's condition...radiation is over, scans have been run- the Dr.'s like what they see and more tests will be run in a couple of weeks but it all looks like Kelly is cancer free

hi

A good friend told me that recently he was concerned for me, that he had feared the recent stress in my life, most notably Kelly’s cancer would cause me to become bitter or disconnected…or worse. I appreciate friends who are honest like that and who understand that those types of things happen.

I’m angry that we have had to go through all the crap related to Kelly’s cancer. It looks like we’ve won the battle with the cancer but the road to recovery hasn’t been quick or as easy as we would like. But I guess that is life.

Still I have hope, still I realize that it could be worse.


8 years ago when we first went through all this cancer stuff, Kelly and I were kids. July she had the surgery, August we got married and September she went through radiation. The next 2 years were very difficult for her medically. They were rough on us relationship wise, being that we were so young, had no money and didn’t know what tomorrow would bring. We got through it and in the end I think that we were better for it. Though it wasn’t anything I ever wanted to re-live. Fast forward 8 years to the present, we are (at least I think we are) a bit more mature and somewhat wiser, we have children and are more established as a couple. The game had changed a bit, more was on the line this time. We had learned many lessons from the first time, there were things we were able to do to help Kelly recover quicker and we knew the areas she would have the most difficulties and could plan around it, I think we overestimated my strength is some areas. I know I didn’t realize how much I depend on Kelly, how much of an anchor she is for me, and how much I need her just for me. Add to it the kids, and I’m pretty much nothing without her.

I love them, they love me- but without Kelly I’m not much more than a big hairy jungle-gym that make peanut butter sandwiches and changes diapers. And while being able to entertain and feed (peanut butter sandwiches only go so far) young ones is good, it falls short of what kids need in a parent. Kelly helps me with that.

I’m so grateful that I still have her, that she is healthy again, but the road we traveled to get here takes its toll.

Thank God for friends who are there to help you.

dang it

so if you are still visiting my site, you may have noticed that I had a big fat error message at the bottom, basically something changed and my commenting powered by blogkomm didn't want to work any more.  so I upgraded, I changed settings...basically I did everything but sacrifice a rooster.  it doesn't want to work- so I'm forced to go to the blogger comment system.  oh well, I guess there are worse things in life.  speaking of:
 
 
the kids are at their grandparents and Kelly is at the hospital.  I hate coming home to an empty house and I have the most difficult time sleeping without Kelly, especially at home.  I’m addicted to her, and I don’t like the kids being gone.  Good news is the sooner we get through this, the sooner it is over…I know that is a bad cliché but it is true.  And I’m selfish, there are people who would love to have an empty home and many more that would love to probably have a home. 
 
 For a cancer, the type of thyroid cancer Kelly has is easily treatable and isn’t really life threatening, as frustrating and difficult as it is to have to be away from her, to have had to deal with the last 6 weeks of her going off of her thyroid and the upcoming weeks of having to take extra precautions because there will still be traces of radiation, the fact still stands that I still have her, she is still healthy and hopefully we won’t have to deal with this again.  Which is better than what many families who have loved ones in the same hospital as Kelly, as bad as we want to think our situation is, we are quickly reminded that we have it so good.  The nurse’s tech that is assigned to Kelly tonight has an 18 year old daughter, who is in the same hospital, she is very sick.  They have removed her gallbladder and there are now complications with her pancreas, sadly it doesn’t look good for her. 
 
I have learned though that miracles do happen and I’m hoping and praying that a huge one would occur for this young lady. 
 
Good night, work continues to work me- rumor has it that some bigwigs are going to be visiting the store where I’m working on a special project sometime this week, and if that is the case, I’m going to need my beauty sleep.  
 

we're still alive

Ok, I tried to post before leaving work last night but as I was typing an alarm sounded near my seat and a security guard indicated that there was smoke and we should evacuate.  Mark that to another of life’s experiences I could have not had, though it’ll be a great one to tell the grandkids some day.
 
We are well, Kelly is completely off of her thyroid medication and has been for a couple of weeks in preparation for Radiation…currently she is really tired.  Thankfully we have wonderful friends who have stepped in and have assisted Kelly during the day while I head to work, currently Kelly can’t really watch the kids- it is just too much for her. 
 
Monday she heads to the Hospital, she takes a magic pill and gets to be isolated in a hospital room for about a week.  After she is out she can’t be around the kids for a few more days, so we decided that the kids will go stay with their grandparents for 10 day’s, Kelly and I won’t see them the whole time, I think that is the most difficult part of it all.
 
Life is busy, home is crazy and work has me on some special projects- it is really fun- if you know of a way to add a few extra hours in a day I need it. 
 
 
I have so much more I’d like to write about but I lack the time, maybe sometime soon. 

sorry, can't think of a catchy title right now

I survived my night alone with the kids, though it wasn’t without marks- Rosalyn got a hold of a green felt tip pen, in the end- the tip of her nose was green as well as many part of my face. It was fun, I love spending tie with the kids- they are awesome little people. I missed their mom a bit though, I guess that is good since I’m married to her and all. I am glad that she was able to get out on her own- we try to make it a point to allow one another time with our friends, it is one of the secrets of our success in marriage. That and never go to bed angry are probably the top two.

So I’ve been a little under the weather the last few days, Kelly made me stay at home yesterday and I needed it. I slept until about 3:30pm, that is after a full nights sleep. I think everyone should periodically sleep the day away. Not only do you have the strangest dreams, but it forces you to slowdown a bit and rest, something most people don’t do enough of.

I’m looking at some of the various costs associated with starting up the company. Dang it is expensive, there is just no love for the small guy anymore. Oh well, life goes on and I’ve never let small things get in my way before, so I won’t this time. Money is a small thing. don’t let anyone tell you different.

I really enjoy reading Mark Cuban’s weblog (the owner of the Dallas Maverick’s for those not in the know). One of his posts is titled: Rules of Success. #1: Sweat Equity is the best equity! Makes sense to me, he is someone who I would like to follow in example as far as business success goes. Not that I want to own my own NBA franchise (though I wouldn’t complain if that happened) but Mark’s success is the result of following simple business rules and working hard. I like that and I like knowing that the potential results of that are endless.

We have 4 avocado’s left. The sale ends today, we need to get more.

one more thing

Kelly has a girls night out with her sister so I have the kids tonight, all by my lonesome. Rumor has it that Ros hasn't napped- you would be amazed at everything a two and a half year old can do on their second wind. please pray for my survival.

rain, cancer, money and beer...the perfect post (not really)

I can’t believe the amount of rain that is falling, this morning as I drove to work I noticed that it was only 68°, for the second day of summer that is very cool for Texas. I’m not complaining, a few years ago about the same time we were breaking record with consecutive days above 100.

Avocados are 5 for a $, so far this week we’ve eaten 6. we have 9 left and we might go back and get a few more before the sale is over.

Have I mentioned that I like avocados and guacamole?

We got word back from the hospital this week on how long Kelly will have to be away from the kids when she undergoes radiation in July, it looks like it is going to be 2 weeks. Close to a week in the hospital with no contact other than with people in space suits, then when she is able to come home, the kids will have to be gone for the remainder of the 2 weeks from the time the radiation started. Cancer, and often the treatment of it really sucks sometimes. Though the alternative is much worse.

I’m very grateful for Kelly’s stepmom and dad, they will take the kids for us and I know that they will be ok with them- I never imagined how difficult it was to allow someone else to watch your child until I had my own…I don’t always think I’m the best qualified person to watch them, much less someone else, but with Eanie and Pe-paw (as Rosalyn likes to call them) I know that they love my children more than life itself and that they will take care of them.

It was so different 8 years ago when Kelly first had cancer and we went through all of this stuff. We were young, stupid and in many ways it seemed like a bad dream and not reality. Now that we are older (and hopefully wiser) the reality is there, for me, the kids have a lot to do with that.

One advantage we have is we know what to expect, we know some precautions to take- the first time around there were many problems that resulted from side effects of the treatment and recovery- at one point Kelly probably should have had a blood transfusion, though the Dr. told us that if she pumped up the iron intake she would be able to avert that, she did and was able to get her blood counts back up but then that caused another problem. The cycle seemed endless, all in all, I think it took Kelly about two and a half years to fully recover and not have some sort of medical malady troubling her.

This time we hope, pray and believe that we can avoid much of the trouble we experience 8 or so years ago. The funny thing is that it seems that often Dr.’s know about the problems and some of the things you can do to avoid it, but won’t act on it unless you prompt them. Now I don’t think that they are out to see you suffer, rather I think this is a result of the current state of medicine and the habit of fixing symptoms rather than addressing the issues but that is another post altogether.

The good news is that Kelly’s cancer is treatable and we will get through it.

In other news- the business, though it has been put on hold for some time, I’ve been doing little things here and there and yesterday we took a giant step forward. I’ve taken a loan out against myself for some operating capital and to covering startup costs. The loan is actually against my 401k, but I figure it is my money, and I’m young enough that it isn’t going to negatively impact my retirement account. All interest I pay goes to my 401k- it is a great deal, the only negative point is that if my investments perform better than the interest rate that I’m paying, I’ll miss out on some cash. I’m not too worried about that though- my hope is that the investment in the biz will make way for an even bigger return. It looks like our first production run will hopefully be in late August, early September.

It’s been about 2 weeks since I bottled my beer- there is carbonation and no off flavors…looks like I dodged a bullet and the extra months in the fermentor weren’t too bad for it.

Asleep In The Light by Keith Green

Do you see, do you see
All the people sinking down
Don't you care, don't you care
Are you gonna let them drown

How can you be do numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

"oh bless me lore, bless me lord"
You know it's all i ever hear
No one aches, no one hurts
No one even sheds one tear

But he cries, he weeps, he bleeds
And he cares for you needs
And you just lay back
And keep soaking it in
Oh can't you see it's such a sin

'cause he brings people to you door
And you turn them away
As you smile and say
"god bless you, be at peace"
And all heaven just weeps
'cause jesus came to you door
You've left him out on the streets

Open up open up
And give yourself away
You see the need, you hear the cries
So how can you delay

God's calling and you're the one
But like jonah you run
He's told you to speak
But you keep holding it in
Of can't you see it's such a sin

The world is sleeping in the dark
That the church just can't fight
'cause it's asleep in the light
How can you be so dead
When you've been so well fed
Jesus rose from the grave
And you, you can't even get out of bed

Oh, jesus rose from the dead
Come on get out of your bed

How can you be so numb
Not to care if they come
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done
You close your eyes
And pretend the job's done

Don't close your eyes
Don't pretend the jobs done
"come away, come away, come away with me my love
Come away, come away, come away with me my love"

Taken from an email I sent to a friend this morning:

if you get a moment please pray for a family in our church, a single mom and her four year old son.

...a bit of background. back in February we received a phone call from a a friend, Tabitha, who volunteers with us in the youth group. a friend of Tabitha has a son but wasn't married- she and the dad were trying to figure stuff out but he had struggled with addictions to various drugs. Tabitha called because the father of the child had OD on heroin and was in a comma and needed prayer. She also wanted someone to spend time with the family at the hospital if possible. we got a hold of our pastor who spent the day with the family and the guy passed away that night. Kelly has wanted to get to know the now single mom, she lives relatively close to us and she and Tabitha have been trying to figure out a time for the three of them to get together.

fast-forward to yesterday, after church yesterday, we headed up to the youth room to say hi to a couple of kids that were still hanging out. while we were up there I recognized a four year old boy, who I had spent some time with when Kelly and I had nursery duty, and his mom. I thought it was strange that the dad wasn't around it was father's day after all. He was someone I had seen around the church a couple of times, I had felt like I needed to get to know him better. I thought about asking the mom where the dad was but I didn't. In the car on the way home Kelly told me that the mom was Tabitha's friend. the dad was the guy who had OD. I lost it. I've held that little boy, I've talked to that guy. God had prompted me to get to know him and now he is gone. I found some Keith Green last night as I went through some old CD's, asleep in the light is how I feel right now.

father's day...early

I called Kelly this afternoon as I often do, what she told me next made my heart melt. Rosalyn is totally into Cinderella. She watches it at least once a day, today as she was watching it, and reading along with her Cinderella book (I told you she was into it), Kelly and Rosalyn had a dialogue which is the best fathers day gift I could ever get

Kelly: “are you going to marry a prince some day?”

Rosalyn: “yes!”

Kelly: “is he going to find your shoe?”

Rosalyn: “My daddy is going to find my shoe”

Kelly: “so you want to marry someone just like your daddy?”

Rosalyn: “yes, daddy is my prince and I want to marry someone just like him”

That was a pretty deep conversation for a two and a half year old, I think. My hope has always been that I would be able to set an example for my children, that they would want the relationship that Kelly and I have replicated in their own marriages when they get older. so far so good. I like knowing that I’m my little girl’s prince, I plan on being her prince until the moment I tell the congregation that I’m the person giving her away the day she gets married to whatever guy can not only pass my tests, but prove to her that he is worthy of her love.

Noah is getting less and less like a baby each day and is entering the toddler phase too fast, yesterday at the mall, in the elevator he said hi to a lady standing near, he also bopped his head back, much like Joey from friends when he says “how’s it going?”. I taught him the head thing, I didn’t think that he’d start using it so soon though.

I hope you have a good weekend, tonight I head to the ellum that is deep, to watch one of my favorite bands, not called common. And to hang out with some great friends. Remember that God is a Father to the fatherless, and that He can heal all that needs to be healed. Call you father and tell him you love him this weekend too.

it hurts

My heart is broken today- I spoke with the sibling of a student who was in my youth group and is now in college. Let’s call her “A”. It seems that life for A hasn’t been all that great recently. She grew up in a good home, loving parents, good kids- the American dream. Seems though that A is dealing with something that most kids have to deal with in the 18-20something age group, that being parents who don’t want to let go and are too controlling. I know this family pretty well, and while I disagree with some of the things the parents do (sometimes many things) I know them enough that they do it out of love, no matter how misguided it can be. A’s reaction to it all hasn’t been the best, a friend of hers actually approached the siblings out of concern. Being the approachable youth leader I am, a couple of the siblings talked to me last night at church. A is away at college, her family has a no tolerance policy with alcohol and I think she recently turned 21, guess what happened.

I don’t know all the details, nor do I want to know. I know this…I would like to take a baseball bat to the back of the head of the bastard that took advantage of that young lady, whom I’ve watched go from a little teenybopper to a young adult.

Again, my heart is broken, I’m not a girl nor have I ever been sexually abused, so I can’t begin to understand the pain associated with being taken advantage of in a situation like this. I do have close friends who have been abused, the pain I have seen them go through, the things they have shared with me have caused me to have great compassion for victims of abuse, and I have lost any tolerance I would have for the predators that cause the pain.

I was holding Rosalyn as we spoke about A last night, I tried to imagine how our relationship will be when she is older and leaves the house. I hope that Kelly and I have a close enough relationship with the kids that they would speak up if we were driving them to hide stuff from us. I also hope that my actions don’t make alcohol taboo and thrilling for my kids to experiment with and lastly I hope I can raise my children so that they are responsible enough that they minimize their risks of being taken advantage of.

As the conversation with the concerned siblings came to a close, I asked that they tell A that Kelly and I love her, and miss her and would like to see her. The next time I see A I’m going to give her a big hug and tell her that I love her. I know that I can’t fix all the pain, but I know that love conquers all.

Oops

With the changes I made to the layout here, I had inadvertently saved my posts this weekend as drafts, that has been taken care of and life can go on.

Hope you like the changes; at the very least I hope the changes don’t affect you negatively.

summer is here

Kelly's parents are heading out of town next week so we went over to celebrate father's day early with them. Noah swam for the first time, a bit scary since he kept wanting to put his mouth underwater while continuing to breathe. Rosalyn is close to swimming on her own a bit, Kelly's step mom picked up one of those swimsuits with the foam inserts to help with floating, she had a blast. Ros was a bit shaken up from our previous swimming adventure where she swallowed a good amount of water, she came close today but was much more cautious than she was a couple of weeks ago.

we used the trip to the parents house as an opportunity to bomb the house, bomb as in bug killer that is- in the last week some ants decided our house was a nice place to stay and I've found that living in Texas- active bug control is needed. we had to sit in the van for about half an hour while the house aired out when we got home, that is always a fun time. I learned tonight that I can hold my breath and open widows in two rooms before I need another breath.

I'm afraid of my backyard

I let daisy (my dog) outback this afternoon as I often do. This time as she trotted back to the porch area to let me know she was ready to come back in, she jumped back almost looking scared. I went to the back door to see what was wrong and there it was- a copperhead just inches from my back door. I hate snakes, I really hate snakes that can kill me or my family or pets. Not knowing if my dog was going to try to kill it herself, which I’m sure she would do if she thought the kids were in danger, she’s cool like that, I scrambled to figure out what o do. Rosalyn went into her high-chair, Noah in his walker, both secured away incase the snake came inside in our impending battle. Next I needed a weapon, I own a gun, though it is a pistol and isn’t the best for this type of fight, as far as firearms go a shotgun would be ideal- I found a very long 2by4. with that in hand, the kids in a safe place I proceeded to open the door hoping to be able to ambush my advisory and end the battle quickly. It turned toward me, not something I really wanted, so I closed the door, Daisy approached to get my back, I waived her off but she had distracted the snake for long enough, I opened the door again and **WHACK** I crushed it, well I did my best, it moved into some tall grass adjacent to my patio and slithered off…Daisy ran in and neither of us were hurt.

With all the rain we’ve had recently, the grass in my back yard got pretty tall- the perfect place for snakes to hide, when Kelly got home I mowed it. No more surprise visits from Mr. Pit Viper.

Between the snakes, fire ants, spiders and other various venomous wildlife that likes to use my backyard as their habitat I guess I will have to stop mowing my lawn barefoot.

a day of mourning

Today while driving to work, as I listened to talk radio like I each morning I found myself crying as I listened to the silence of Reagan’s coffin being taken from the capitol.

Ronald Wilson Reagan was the first President I remember. I knew who Jimmy Carter was but Ronnie was my first president. I remember the Hostages being freed. I remember the assassination attempt, though it would be years before I understood what it meant. I remember the bombing of Lebanon. I remember Just Say No. I remember the jokes, the hatred that the people around me had for him. And I remember that Ronnie reminded me of my grandpa, and that I decided that they were probably good friends. As I got older, as I studied politics more and started forming my own views on things independently, I started respecting Ronald Reagan. Not only for being our President, but also for being the Governor of my birth state.

As I reflect on his life, I respect him more and more. His humor, his faith, his belief in people, his unwavering principle, his understanding of image and his love of people are things that make him so great to me. We have lost a great man.

The news of Ray Charles passing has saddened me too. His ability to effect the masses with only his voice, piano and smile is something that I will miss greatly.


The death of these two men has left a void in the world, it is time for the younger generation to step up and pick up the trail where these great men left off.


here are two links of audio from Ronnie, he had such a great sense of humor. the first was a joke- he was testing the mic before his weekly radio address and didn't realize it was live. the second was Ronnie talking about when he got shot. enjoy

bomb

shot

yadda, yadda, yadda

we were suppose to have an event titled movie under the stars with the youth last night, but since it was raining we brought the screen inside- still Princess Bride is one of the greatest movies ever and can be enjoyed under the stars and in a youth room equally.

Though Kelly and I stayed way too late for Noah and Ros, by the time we got home our little angel was misbehaving and refused to go to bed, I even had to spank her. Kelly had only heard part of what had happened, though being the great wife she is she didn’t object till we had some alone time- after I had told her what all had happened, Kelly agrees that a spanking was called for.

I never realized how important a spouse that was on the same page as I am was until I found myself married, with kids I don’t see how it could work at all. Not having a good model myself, since my parents divorced when I was a baby and all their relationships afterward were lacking at best, I’ve made it a point to seek out good examples and have exerted a bunch of energy to overcome my shortcomings in the relationship department so I don’t make the same mistakes my parents made. in no way am I perfect, but so far I believe I’ve been successful and I owe it all to God and the work he has done in my life.


An interesting idea was brought up in youth last night before we had the movie, the Teaching was from John 14, in that chapter Jesus states that those that know Him will do greater things than He did. Jesus fed thousands of people with a couple of loaves of bread and some fish, what would happen if a youth group decided to only buy 1 pizza for an event that they were expecting a couple hundred pizza loving teenagers to show up to. What would happen if they were all fed??

summer anyone?

June in dallas has been strange so far, the temp has mostly been in the 70’s and we’ve had either thunderstorms or rain every day it seems, I’m not complaining though- I’m not the biggest fan of 90 degree weather.

The kids continue to grow, Yesterday Noah learned how to drink through a straw, and Rosalyn is enchanted by the magic of Disney, I think she’s watched Cinderella twice a day every day for the last week.

Over the weekend I finally got around to bottling some beer I brewed a couple of months back- I should have bottled it a long time ago but life doesn’t always workout that way…I was hoping that the beer would still be ok despite my ignoring it and it seems like it complied, I even tested one the other night to see if carbonation had started, which was my biggest fear actually, and it had. I have beer, or will have it in a couple of weeks once it finishes carbonating.

That is all for now, I found some great Reagan sound clips the other day, I’ll post a link to those sometime soon. Hope your day is great!

i'm mad

Yesterday a person who has admitted to molesting 40 children, David Wayne Jones, was released from jail and is now in a half-way house in Dallas. The last time he was released it only took him 2 weeks to break the rules of his parole and he was shipped back to jail. Yesterday’s release was caused by a judge let him go on a technicality.

As a father I am having a difficult time trusting that my children are safe from predators that seek to harm them. There is a convicted child molester living about a block away from our house. Last summer, another convicted child molester opened a sno-cone stand across the street from the city park in our small Dallas suburban town. They are all around and I don’t trust that they aren’t a threat. The percentage of repeat sexual offenders, particularly those who molest children is extremely too high. Our process of punishing them doesn’t work. And, regretfully, I feel the only way to ensure that a sexual predator will not strike again is to either lock them up forever or cause them to stop breathing. How many lives have to be ruined by these sick bastards before the system changes??? I’m not an advocate of vigilantism but things like this make me close to it.

The state of Texas has a website that lists all the sex offenders who are living outside the confines of jail. I have memorized the faces of those who live near me, if I ever see them near my house or children I will do what I need to do to keep my family safe. These are the times that I’m glad for the second amendment.

That brings me to my next issue, I try to keep track of how people find my site, as mentioned previously many people find this little piece of the net by searching for weight watchers points and pei wei (a local restaurant). Though a majority of people who visit this site are friends, then there are the people come here because they saw a link on someone else’s blog and occasionally from my signature at relevant. Then there are the random, strange and sometimes outright sick searches that are done on a search engine. I guess as I continue to write and there are more and more words to choose from the possibility of finding this site through an unrelated word search increases. My frustration is those people who are searching for porn- not just your ‘naked chicks’ search, but some pretty strange and demented requests are made. And their numbers are increasing. In the past it was one here, another there. Now they are more frequent, and one search in particular got my blood boiling because it was clear the person was searching for child porn.

If you found this site while searching for porn, you will find none here- what I can give you is some advice though- STOP now. If it hasn’t already, the effects of pornography will ruin your life and the lives of many you care about around you. Nothing good can come of it, unless you stop and clean up your life. If you need help, send me an email and I will assist as best I can. If you don’t want to stop, then please leave- I have nothing for you.

tick, tick, tick, tick

yesterday was my birthday- i turned 29. one more year till I move into the 30's. wow.

for the extended weekend we tried to catch up on stuff around the house, we took a trip to the mall and we relaxed. you can see some pictures I took with my new (happy birthday to me) camera here.

there was an awesome thunderstorm last night, over 8,000 lightning strikes, an awesome lightshow for those who could watch safely, a not so fun time for those traveling in the wake of the storms wrath. This morning there were half a million people without power today as a result. wow. it was pretty intense for a few hours, there was no damage near us but it was a bit scary/intriguing a couple times I had to go outside, one time it was so intense I just stood still while the sky lit up and bolts of lightning flashed all around the sky. God is such the multimedia showoff.

i want to sleep

I had a really long post about how frustrated I am at Kelly's mom and how tired I am because of all we had to do for her this weekend. I deleted it- I don't want to bore you with my stupid frustration or litter your life with my crap. I hope you have a great day.

smile at someone just to see them become happy, and remember Jesus loves you even if no one else does.

more randomness

Life is difficult I’ve decided- it is worth the cost though.


Noah got into a fight with the floor as he fell from a chair yesterday, his eye was a bit swollen but he was well, I think that he really enjoyed the fact that mommy held him for so long afterwards, he was back to climbing in chairs an hour after the incident, this time mommy moved them over carpet to provide some cushioning. When I got home, I was asking him about it, teasing him a bit, calling him ‘bruiser’ and ‘tough guy’ he just giggled back. Being a parent is one of the greatest things I’ve had the opportunity to do in my life, the opportunity to help shape a person, hopefully for better, and watch as they make their mark in this world, again hopefully for the better.

Only in Arkansas: I was listening to the radio on my way to church last night and the host was talking about a story he’d read about a guy in Arkansas. The bright gentleman saw a crate labeled “deadly poisonous reptiles inside, stay away”. What was his reaction? According to the story (I emailed the talk show host to get the source story, which I’ll hopefully be able to post at a later date) the guy read that and decided that he should not only approach the crate and look at the contents, but he should kick it too just for fun. There was a cobra in there, along with other deadly snakes, thankfully for this guy, they weren’t able to bite him.

Lastly for today, it has come to my attention recently that many people have found my site by searching on a search engine like google or yahoo for “Pei Wei Weight Watcher’s points” since I don’t want to leave my readers lacking I asked the nice people at Pei Wei if they had any nutritional info they could share or post on their website, here is the response I got. there is a link on the right for the info they attached. Enjoy and eat bunches of food from Pei Wei, it is good and they are nice- one note, be sure to double check the servings column, most of their dishes, not unlike most restaurants, are 2.5 servings per dish, their reply follows:

Attached you will find the latest nutritional information on our menu
items. We hope that you will find the chart useful when selecting an
option from our menu that best meets your individual needs, or keeping
track of your dietary goals while enjoying your favorite Pei Wei dish.



Please keep in mind that many of our dishes can be modified to better
meet your personal taste preferences or dietary needs. Since each dish
is cooked to order we can; steam the protein, go easy on the spice,
leave the wonton strips off the salad, add extra veggies, as examples.
Do not be bashful, inform our cashiers how you would like us to prepare
your meal...we will do our best to accommodate your requests.



We have been asked by the folks at Weight Watchers not to calculate
points for you, but you should be able to do so with the info provided.
We look forward to seeing you at Pei Wei.

mmm...peanut butter

if you happen to live in Texas as I do, and you love Reese’s peanut butter cups as I do, and you happen to pick up a bag of the minis, don't leave them in your car on a day that it is going to be over 90 degrees. Not matter how long you try to cool them off with your AC it just isn't the same. on a good note, the AC in my mini van is very efficient, my fingers were very cold after holding my mini peanut butter cup in front of the vent for close to 10 minutes.


I’ve come to the conclusion that the American lifestyle is very expensive. Even if you are fairly frugal as Kelly and I try to be, life is just plain costly. I’ve thought of moving overseas and I know that there are many people who’ve been successful in cutting their cost by doing so, just take a look at corporate America, but I enjoy the freedoms and luxuries of being in the US. I guess I’ll just have to accept that living is expensive.

Something that I’ve learned with all that has occurred as a result of Kelly having surgery, is that recovery can be an isolating process. We have great friends, our church is wonderful and people have been there in ways we couldn’t imagine but it seems that through a combination of all that is involved in recovering the process can be pretty lonely. Kelly and I had a great conversation about it last night; we came to the conclusion that just as it is with other things, when you are down and out of your routine you are more vulnerable. Watching Kelly go through the frustration and deal with the isolation, or perception of it I’ve decided that I need to be more attentive when I know of friends that are recovering or are just in a vulnerable place and make sure to let them know that I love them and make my self available to them in that time. It has made the difference in our world when our friends have done that though Kelly’s recovery, we are truly grateful.

as promised

here are some pictures of my recent hair-cutting activities

It is starting to warm up down here in Texas, pretty soon our low temp will be in the upper 80’s to low 90’s and it will stay that way till
August...I don’t really enjoy the heat but I manage to survive.

Last week was interesting, I went to café brazil to hang out with some local people from relevant (and one from New Orleans, though he didn’t show up till the end). Any ways we had a good time and when Ros decided it was time for her mommy and daddy to head out we agreed, as I stepped out of the café I was talking with Ezra (one of the relevant folk) and we were approached by two guys who handed us tracts. The funny/sad thing, depending on how you look at it, was that after we told these guys that we were Christians, they continued to try to get us to convert. It was weird…but it has made me think. Unfortunately there are a good number of Christians who believe that the best way to lead people to Christ is though tracts and making them say a prayer, I have never though that that method is very good and on more than a few occasions I’ve believed that it does more to drive people away from anything related to Christ.

In other news- In desperation to fulfill a craving this weekend I mixed chocolate fudge pudding with some chopped peanuts and mixed in some caramel ice cream topping- I liked the results, so did Kelly and Ros, I had never thought of adding stuff to my pudding before, next time I shall try other stuff, maybe some chocolate chips and almonds.
It is starting to warm up down here in Texas, pretty soon our low temp will be in the upper 80’s to low 90’s and it will stay that way till
August...I don’t really enjoy the heat but I manage to survive.

Last week was interesting, I went to café brazil to hang out with some local people from relevant (and one from New Orleans, though he didn’t show up till the end). Any ways we had a good time and when Ros decided it was time for her mommy and daddy to head out we agreed, as I stepped out of the café I was talking with Ezra (one of the relevant folk) and we were approached by two guys who handed us tracts. The funny/sad thing, depending on how you look at it, was that after we told these guys that we were Christians, they continued to try to get us to convert. It was weird…but it has made me think. Unfortunately there are a good number of Christians who believe that the best way to lead people to Christ is though tracts and making them say a prayer, I have never though that that method is very good and on more than a few occasions I’ve believed that it does more to drive people away from anything related to Christ.

In other news- In desperation to fulfill a craving this weekend I mixed chocolate fudge pudding with some chopped peanuts and mixed in some caramel ice cream topping- I liked the results, so did Kelly and Ros, I had never thought of adding stuff to my pudding before, next time I shall try other stuff, maybe some chocolate chips and almonds.

so, hi

the problem is that I've got so much to write about I don't know where to start-

Kelly is recovering well, though the last few days she has pushed it a bit too much and has had to take a few steps back. Noah and I have had great opportunities to bond in this time, though he's still a bit of a momma's boy which is fine, Ros is a daddy's girl.

I appreciate everything my wife does more and more every day- I have to get up a bit early and get the kids up, allowing Kelly to sleep in- then I head to work. I do more work at home in the short time I stay in the morning than I do all day at work. and there are days that I do a bunch of work at work, but two little ones are a bit more than computer issues.

I recently got a trailer that attaches to the back of my bike, it'll carry Ros and Noah until they collectively weigh more than 100 pounds (45 kg for those not in the US), which is a ways down the road. I've taken Ros out twice and the both of them once, they enjoy it, I enjoy it, Kelly gets some needed rest and time to herself and the extra weight resistance helps me to burn more unwanted fat. everyone wins!

avocados were on special again, 3 for 99 cents- we got 9 and ate 4 last night. If I didn't have a God already, I'd consider worshiping the avocado...



Please continue to pray for my granny- she's undergoing chemo for breast cancer. She lost her hair, so last week I chopped off most of mine and I'm shaving it tonight and taking a picture to send to her, hopefully it'll make her laugh and let her know that she isn't alone in this.

I'm back

Kelly had surgery on April 9th to remove a mass in her neck, it turned out to be cancerous and they proceeded to remove 18 lymph nodes on the left side of her neck, an attempt to remove possible host sites for the cancer. she is doing well and recovering quickly- thank you all for your prayers through this, we needed it and we appreciate it.

in this time God has been showing me what is important, and what isn't. and also that I really don't have a right to complain. as bad as I'd like to think I have it, my life isn't bad. I have a beautiful, Healthy wife, wonderful kids, great friends, wonderful support from church...the lists goes on.

I’d rather not have to go through everything we’ve had to in the past few weeks, but this is life, and it is for those who choose to live. We have no assurances that it will be easy and many promises that if we intend on following God that it will be difficult.

I’ve been guilty of putting God in a box, making Him who I think He should be- I’ve missed out on a lot through that. It is times in a person’s life, a crisis of faith like facing cancer that God uses (if we let Him) to com out of the box and be real in our lives. in the normal day to day crap we can get so caught up on so many things that distract us from God, life and everything that God wants from us.

I’m not perfect, and I don’t have all the answers but I know who does and recently He’s reinforced to me that it is important to chase after Him, ask Him to search our hearts and reveal the areas that need change and re-create areas that have died. It isn’t enough to say you love God and want to do his will, give your desires legs and run with it.


so much has happened since I last wrote here- I'll catch up on some of the better things as time allows.

thank you for your prayers.

good news

results are back- the mass is smaller, they still want to do surgery but are waiting till next week- that means that Kelly won't be in surgery or recovering from on her birthday which is Friday- also we are able to go to my grandparent's for their 60th anniversary this weekend. We had originally planned on driving out, but we can't do that now- we did get great deals on flights to the bay area so we are doing that, the only drawback there is we won't be driving through socal to see friends there.

still we are excited and we pray that by next week all masses will be gone and the Doctor won't have to operate.

thank you for your prayers.

....waiting.....

We wait. no results yet. so we wait.


My hopes are that if there was something, it is now gone, and if there wasn't that it stays that way. At church wed night last week the students prayed for us, some have amazing zeal and faith- I'd love to have the same faith and zeal. the prayer was intense and if nothing else we know those kids love us and will help if needed. as they stood around us with their hands outstretched to us and praying out loud I imagined that someone who isn't a christian would be a bit confused by what was going on though I also imagined that they would see the love that those kids have, Kelly and I certainly do not doubt their love. it is nice to know that the time and love we've invested has had an effect and that the kids care about us in return.

Wednesday night Kelly and I also got to meet Ambra, yet another one of my internet friends. She was in town on a business trip. after she and I exchanged email about meeting up while she was in town, she showed up at church. It would have been nice to be able to talk without some of the distractions of church, maybe show her some of our favorite places in dallas, have her over for dinner, hang out, whatever..but there will be more trips I'm sure and meeting in person was great- if you think she's a neat person digitally, she is so much more so in person.


The business is onhold for obvious reasons, we are still planning on going through with it- Kelly is very excited about it starting, we just have some stuff to deal with before we can climb that mountain. Speaking of mountains, though the biz is on hold, I did manage to finish up a design for the logo, sine I am not an artistic person I’m pretty proud of myself, tell me what you think.

you can see samples here and here

that is all for now, thank you all for your prayers, we feel them.


One more thing, this subject has come up in recent discussions with many people lately, I’m writing a blanket response here, more to organize my thoughts, so here you go-

My thoughts on Kelly, God and Miraculous healing: We trust in God, the Great Physician to heal Kelly, we just don’t know what vehicle he’s going to use to heal her, I prefer the one that doesn’t include scalpels, needles and Doctors. That is what we are praying for and if God can get someone like me to start going to church, then a miracle like this is nothing. But I realize that God is a God of variety and I’m not going to limit him to act on my terms or in a manor that I dictate, He’s already confirmed to us that His will is being done in this situation, I trust God to take care of us and our needs, no matter how he does it.

it's been a while

Life can be really difficult at times, for me that time is now.

All signs are indicating that Kelly has cancer again- She goes in for a cat scan on Friday and assuming that the scan confirms what an ultrasound found, she’ll go in for surgery some time next week.

We escaped last weekend, we headed to North West Arkansas, Devils Den state park and went camping. Some friends from Dallas came with us and we met up with some friends who live in Kansas City. It was great; we hiked, sat around the camp fire, talked, prayed, roasted marshmallows and avoided the stress and frustration of our normal life. We needed it, the time away was therapeutic. We enjoyed it so much that we are discussing buying some property in the area with our friends so we could have a vacation getaway spot. The area is in the Ozarks and is so beautiful, property is cheep and we could put up a couple straw bale structures and have a nice area to just relax and enjoy God’s creation.

Unless the CAT scan indicates that there are no problems, the next few months are going to be difficult, recovering from surgery isn’t fun and Radiation therapy is not only physically taxing, it will limit the amount of time Kelly can spend around the kids until the radiation is completely out of her system. As a stay at home mom, I know she would enjoy some time away from the kids, but she can’t go more than a couple of hours separated from the kids before she starts missing them terribly.

As her Husband (and friend) it is difficult to see her have to go through all of this, a friend asked me last week how I was doing through all of this, specifically as the head of the house and the battles that a man goes through when his greatest earthly love is in pain. My response was “I don’t want this fight, but I’ll do it”

In all honesty I don’t want to go through this fight, I don’t want to have to deal with it all but I will. It is my duty. I know that God is with me, I know that he will give me the strength. Right now, I sit waiting for the next battle to begin, I’ve checked my equipment, made sure that I’m as prepared as I can be and I make it a point to live life today and know that there is a battle to fight, when it comes I’ll do what ever needs to be done to come out on top. It won’t be easy, life often isn’t- c.s. Lewis once said something to the effect of “you play the hand you are dealt, and I think the game is worth it” and it is. seeing Kelly and our children makes it worth it all for me.

bizar randomness

according to this bag of David Sunflower seeds- I am unique, cool, confident, independent, active and hard working all because I am a seeder (someone who eats sunflower seeds) what a load of crap.

I go on to read instructions on how to eat the seeds. apparently because smart, bright, intelligent and intuitive didn't make the list of qualities that apparently all sunflower seed eaters posses we need instructions on how to eat them. I wonder if they have translations for birds and squirrels? so the instructions are:

crack the shell with your teeth, eat the seed and spit the shell. Experienced seeders pop a handful of seeds in their mouth and store them in one cheek, then transfer a seed over to the other side their their tongue, crack it, then eat the seed and spit the shell.

DAVID- EAT. SPIT. BE HAPPY™



no joke. someone actually got paid to write that stuff. I wonder if they will ever get sued because someone breaks a tooth cracking a shell per the instructions they've provided. I do some technical writing in my job now, the stuff on the back of the seed bag takes that cake on 'it's amazing someone got paid to write that'



Ever since Kelly and I have been planning our business I have been a bit more scrutinizing especially with any type of 'product' that can be bought, I look to see why would someone buy it, what uniqueness is there and why are these people successful. some, like the sunflower seed people seem to just have a corner or just plain dumb luck- others it seems really take pride in their presentation and are always on the cutting edge, most of those companies also have a marketing budget that rivals the economies of small nations.


where am I going with this you ask, well I have no idea. Just some random thoughts while I prepare to start our company.


when I figure out where we are I'll tell you



side note- I started writing this a few hours ago, had a few meetings and came back to finish. rather than edit it down, I've decided to just let the random babble stand.

random thoughts

I'm about to head to lunch with my brother in-law, it is our regular accountability meeting. I love that guy, and am so grateful that God has given me a friend like him to travel the path of life with.

Since I've been hearing that the reason there aren't more jobs created in this country because the current workers are too productive, I've taken it upon myself to reduce my productivity to help some poor chap get a job, just don't tell my boss. Today I've been reading about coding for the net, found some interesting stuff on integrating flash and PHP, might just take a stab and play around with the look of the blog here when I have a bit of time.

in one week, Kelly and I will be the sole owners and corporate officers of our corporation- still trying to figure out my title, I'm thinking COO- Chief Operating Officer, Kelly is going to be the CEO and majority stock holder.

Work, fun and storms

I've been a work all day but I haven't done much work- mostly I've been trying to find a good rss reader and have had to reinstall mozilla 50 million times because of java problems. my search continues. In my quest I found out that blogmatrix is not longer operating, sad but there was no money to be made and it probably cost too much to maintain.

we are in the middle of some big storms, tornado warning sirens have been sounding and rather than heading to a safe area, most of the people on my floor are at the window watching the activity outside, curious fools (I’m one of them, I spent some time at the window myself).

Church was good last night I guess, our pastor was sick and at the last minute I found out that I was to run the service. We had our small groups after worship, announcements and a series of me fumbling around the stage almost breaking things like the mic and part of the drum set. I had a great group of guys, my only fear is that I’m either not telling them stuff that is relevant to their lives or that my message is very repetitive and becoming stale. Still they come back and listen to me so I guess there is something in it for them.

Next week we have what we call our compel service- we have games, a band, someone who comes in and breaks things with his head, free pizza- it is a night kids in the group can bring a friend to church to have fun but there is a catch- there is a message and everyone is offered the opportunity to accept Christ as their savior. It is our evangelistic service, and it works.

Yes my church is actively engaged in activities to convert people, if we didn’t then that would be a sign to me that we didn’t believe in what we preached. I wouldn’t want it any other way, I figure everyone else is recruiting, we should too- especially if we think our message is true.

marching orders

I'm taking my first trip of the year in a couple of weeks, last year I was able to put the travel off till the latter half of the year, I haven't been as successful this year. I'm headed to Boston, I've been there before and am pretty familiar with the area I'll be staying, I got a good deal at a hotel downtown. On this trip I'll be headed to Connecticut for the first time in my life, I have a lot of family history there though because I'll be working I'm not sure how much sight seeing I'll be able to do in Connecticut. oh well, there are places in Boston that I would like to visit and my evenings there shall suffice.

Today I decided that I won't be renting a car while in Boston, typically I rent a car without thinking about it but since I'm staying downtown, I'm flying into Logan, I can take the 'T' (boston's public transportation) and my co-worker up there will pick me up in the mornings and will drive us around to the locations we are working I see no need to rent a car for close to $500 and spend another $30 a day on parking at the hotel plus all the other responsibilities and costs of renting a car. I'm going to make it a point to walk around the city in the evening a bunch, I started to walk the freedom trail when I was there before and I hope to finish it on this trip.


We saw the passion on Saturday, all I can say is that it was emotionally draining and while I may never watch it again, I'm glad that I saw it.

Saturday night Kelly and I ate dinner with Ezra (Good Knievel) and Joel from Not Called Common, it was so nice to sit and talk with them, eat some good food from Café Brazil and just hang out. These last few months I’ve had the great pleasure of meeing some of my online friends in person, Ezra being one. Kelly continues to make fun of me, the fact that I have these ‘internet friends’ but so far so good. We are in the planning process of a trip out west to Cali where we will hopefully meet some more of my online friends!

Kelly and I are getting very close to the date we incorporate our little business, we are starting small, hopefully it will grow to something larger but not so quick we can't keep up.



I’ll close with this little quote from Benjamin Franklin’s Healthy, Wealthy and Wise:

“Most fools think they are only ignorant.”

this week is better than the last one, I guess

Took Ros to get her stitches taken out, it was a little traumatic at first but she soon settled down, her wound is healing up nicely and it looks like there will be little to no scar, yeah!

Kelly's mom is in physical therapy, it is difficult for her since she is the youngest person there and it is becoming very apparent to her that she's too young to be going through this, had she taken better care of herself she wouldn't be going through this. it is unfortunate.

There is a short list of people that were very involved in my life while I was in high school and lived in the Seattle area that I no longer have any contact with for various reasons, every once in a while I do a little search here, a little checking up with a friend there and I've actually been able to find a couple. Earlier this week, I 'found' one of those people; my high school girlfriend Michelle.

We didn't communicate, rather I saw that she listed herself on the classmates.com site. she listed very little info and since I refuse to pay for the classmates service I will most likely never be able to communicate with Michelle via that channel. the little bit of info she left broke my heart; one word- divorced.

Over the years I've thought about Michelle, said a little prayer for her here and there and had hoped that her life was well. It saddens me to know that she is divorced, in talking to Kelly about it we discussed the fact that to me marriage is such a wonderful thing, the thought of not having Kelly is just horrible and divorce isn't in the vocabulary, I know that divorce causes huge pain and I hate to think that she is living with the reality of that pain. Also because the depth of our relationship, the time we spent together and the acts that we committed with one another- I fell in someway responsible in sending Michelle down the path of divorce. my prayer is that God will hold Michelle close and bring her great joy, Michelle is a wonderful person, we were good friends and she deserves the best.

I ate lunch with a couple of coworkers today, we went for Indian food! yummy. there were 5 of us, I didn't know 2 of them. One guy started trashing religions, God and the passion. I was silent. He gained faith in himself and started pointing out the many flaws of Christianity and the fact that they just blindly believe this myth and that, he explained that he was an atheist and thought it was ridiculous that anyone would believe in anything other than themselves. I don't know if it is the beard or what but I get told a lot that I don't look like a Christian, pretty funny since Jesus had a beard fuzzier than mine. back to the story, someone else at the table asked me (one of the guys who knows me) "which Church do you go to Chris?" I responded "the Hillcrest Church". this guy's eyes got so big. it was a classic moment that gives life to the statement better keep your mouth shut and let everyone think you are a fool than open it and remove all doubt. I was nice, I explained to the guy that the real problem in religious discussions is that people don't respect others beliefs and accept that they could be valid to them. It wasn't the time or place to try to explain to him why I'm a Christian and why I believe in God but his God bashing stopped and we had decent conversations about many topics through the lunch. It will be interesting to see where this goes.

pictures, pictures, pictures

I've got a web page with some recent pictures here

interesting

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

still working on the pics

in the mean time you can see some new ones here:


#1
#2
#3

don't know how I should title this

In the morning I get to wake up early and drive my mom to the airport- her stay here has been interesting.

In some ways she is justified in her frustration, in many others she isn’t, at least I think. I haven’t done the best job that I could in mailing pictures to her, sending thank you cards and showing my appreciation for all that she does. On the other hand, my mom wants to blame Kelly for all those things. She even goes further, I won’t go into it all because it isn’t important here or appropriate, I will say this though, I believe a bunch of it is spiritual. My mom isn’t a Christian and has stated that she never will be. It is difficult to discuss anything of depth with someone who refuses to acknowledge your view or reason even if they don’t agree but just acknowledge that you differ, something that my mom does quite a bit. I will not miss her telling me that I don’t understand something because I haven’t lived as long as her and there is no way that I’ve experienced anything like her in my life. I know she’s older than I am, she’s my mom and all but any time we disagree rather than agree to disagree or have a civil conversation she plays the age card and totally discounts everything I say, and she wonders why I’m not a diehard democrat like her. I love my mom, I love her bunches but she drives me crazy sometimes. I’ve committed to make some changes and work to make her feel more included in my life and the lives of my children since our homes are a couple thousand miles away but I fear that there are lingering issues that will not disappear anytime soon, my prayer is that my mom will come to know Christ as her savior. Unfortunately until there is resolution with certain issues, I will have to continue to be a jackass in her eyes and stand up for my wife (the common target of my mother’s lashing out) and I will continue to be in some ways an ungrateful son. I’m not perfect and I will work on improving the areas I’m wrong in though, just not all the area’s she wants- I will not leave my wife and move back to Seattle- 2 of her top wants.


Outside of my mom being here and all the stuff related to that, this has been a crappy week for hospital stuff, I wrote about Rosalyn’s ER adventure already. Kelly’s mom had another stroke Friday so we are dealing with that, and my Granny got her pathology results back, they removed a lump and 10 lymph nodes, 3 were positive for cancer. They are starting chemo soon- not fun. We are supposed to go visit my Granny and Grandpa in early April, it is going to be their 60th wedding anniversary, my dad’s family is planning a little get together- we hope that Granny will be well and that the cancer or chemo don’t take too much from her.

I can honestly say that right now life is pretty crappy.

Ros’ cut is healing pretty well, I’ve been cleaning it a few times a day and the stitches are coming out Tuesday, once that happens we will start applying vitamin E, hopefully there will be no noticeable scar left, so far so good.

I’m going to bed, I’ve got a bunch of pics to upload, I think I’m going to try for tomorrow when I’m at work, faster connection and I’ll have some time hopefully.

Yesterday while playing at the park, Rosalyn tripped and fell, at first nothing appeared to be wrong but quickly after I picked her up I noticed blood on my shirt. Apparently when she fell, Ros hit her cheek on the stairs of the playground equipment and it caused a laceration on her cheek just over her cheek bone. It wasn’t fun, we rushed to the ER and were quickly escorted to a room in the back, after x-rays (nothing broken) and some local painkillers they sowed her up, she is such a trooper. Holding her and looking into her eyes as they stitched her up was difficult, she was a bit scared. I never really want to repeat that experience, I fell like a failure as a father in that my job is to protect her from stuff, and I was standing right there when she fell. I know that I couldn’t have known or really prevented it, and that everyone gets hurt, heck I’m covered in scars, it is just this is my little girl and it pains me so much to see her go through stuff like this…after it was all done and she was patched up, the ER tech brought her a popsicle, she loved it. I hope she doesn’t catch on that trips to the ER will get her yummy popsicles. That is all I have time to write currently, if you think about it pray for us, and for my granny (dad’s mom) too, she has breast cancer, they’ve done some surgery and are starting radiation next week. We are suppose to go see her and my grandpa in April for their 60th anniversary.

stuff and more

ok where to start?

first an update re: Kelly, her levels are down which is good but they are still higher than we'd like them to be so we have a Q&A appointment with her Dr. on friday we will hopefully know more then but for now things are better.

Work has been hectic, I got my review last week and it was ok- still have some issues with the ole boss but for the most part things are good. I also found out last week that the company did very well and in turn they are sharing the wealth a bit with us, the employees- so I'm getting a decent bonus and with it (ironically) I'm going to start my business and hope that it can replace my current job, we shall see.

My mom is in town, she flew in Saturday night/Sunday Morning- she was suppose to get in at about 1am but a flight got canceled and she had to be rerouted and didn't get here till 5 am. it is nice t o have her here, though there are things that bug me. more on that later-

Sunday night my mom had some of her friends who live in the Dallas area come over for dinner, they are friend of hers from High school (HS for her was in socal) it is interesting to listen to how they all got to the dallas area- I was a bit bothered at first that she was having her friends over for dinner but I knew that it would be somewhat fun but I didn't know that it could turn out so great for me as it did. the dinner turned out to be possibly a very profitable dinner for me and the recent developments in my soon to be business. I was sitting there talking to Mike who is married to one of my mom's friends- we were the only guys there so we talked for most of the night at one point Mike asked "so what do you do Chris?" I told him about cingular then talked about the upcoming biz stuff. then it got very interesting. Mike explained that he was a business consultant, that he had many 'friends' in the world of retail and would be happy to introduce me to them. he then told me about a couple of these 'friends'. wow...wow........WOW! then we talked some more, and it was so amazing, only the future will tell what will come of our little conversation. I also found out through that conversation that the brother of one of my mom's other friends who was there is a VP at sysco in charge of new product development, she gave me his phone # before she left. the night wound down with me getting phone numbers and Mike asking me to give him a call so he could 'set some things up' once the new biz is started. my head was about to explode and Kelly had only heard bits and pieces through the night- when she put it all together my mom was trying to figure out what happened, Kelly looked at her and said "Mike just told your son that he can help make him very rich!"

wealth is not my only or top goal in starting my business but success is, and if in the course of being successful I make more money than I do now, then praise God! Seriously. It is a small world that we live in and it is interesting to see how things work out, the connections we make and how just knowing someone can change everything. I look forward to working with Mike and seeing if/how his ‘friends’ can help me in my business, if nothing else I’m sure I can learn something from them. I figure that at worst next year I’ll still be working in my same job with a garage full of sauce, at best I will be working fulltime with the new business complete with some space for Kelly and the kids to hang out at the warehouse so that while I may have to work strange hours, they will still have access to me and I will be able to spend time with them.

wasting time

so here i am at work, but I'm not working. though I'd like to work, but I can't- you see I am in a training session at a remote office, I'll be here all week in the mornings, but I'm not getting trained, I'm here to provide support if there are problems and to take down suggestions for our development group, so I'm working sort of, but for the last 2 days I've spent most of the time just sitting here doing nothing.

it isn't a complete loss- I did notice that my entry from Sunday night, though I did save it, I didn't publish it so I'm going to publish it when I publish this. I'm bored and could probably be more productive at starbucks. oh well. hope your day is going better. hey, there is a problem I get to go fix- joy!

midnight drives and I know now why I was so fat

yesterday Kelly and I decided to take a quick trip to see some friends in the houston area. Our friends Mark and Lisa had a baby back in December, their second, and we hadn't had the chance to see them or meet their youngest son Sammy yet. we took off about 9pm and arrived in Conroe, our destination about 1am. I used to be able to drive for hours through the night without getting tired. that was then, this is now- we stopped on the way down and I picked up one of these:



SoBe Adrenaline Rush- I don't partake in consuming energy drinks often, but when I do they certainly make me zoom- I don't see how people can drink those things on a regular basis.

So we got to Mark and Lisa’s about 1, we stayed up till about 4- that would have been OK except the kids, all 4 of them wanted to get up at 6. rough morning, we took shifts allowing others to sleep a bit more. I was nice seeing our friends, it was nice to meet Sammy, and it was great that Ros got to play with Nate, Mark and Lisa's son who is 9 months older than Ros. Sammy is so cute. He and Noah seem to have the same laidback personality type and I see them being great friends- Nate and Ros have always loved each other and it was nice that they could spend some time playing, even if he did knock her down a couple of times and I had to step in and be her protective daddy.

Kelly and I lived in Conroe for many years, I think that we kept the restaurant industry there alive. before we left on our short trek home we ate lunch at one of our favorite mexican places with our friends. we ate till we were stuffed, then we had more. we don't normally eat like that now, looking back I'm surprised that we weren't fatter than we were. wow. it is late, I'm tired and have to head to bed, I have an 8 'clock meeting in the morning.

oh, any guesses on what I had at the mexican place? I had a stuffed avocados, surprising i know- i ordered it more because I had it a couple of years ago and couldn't remember how they made it. oh my, imagine taking an avocado, stuffing it with some fajita chicken, then closing it back up and coating it with a bunch of cheese, put a crust on it and fry the bad boy, that is what I had and I don't think I'm going to eat for a week now.

life goes on

so i sit here waiting for Kelly to pick me up, she has a lab appointment today, the results of the lab work will determine our next step in this whole process and will indicate how likely it is that she has cancer. I'm not excited but I want to get this done. God has been so good to us this last week, we have been able to look at everything with a clear head and we have plans in place should she need to undergo treatment. we won't get the results back till next week, so for now we will just wait.

the 6 avocados have been eaten, they were very yummy! I figure that we have averaged about 10 a week in our hose since sometime in December. have I mentioned that we like avocados? ;o)

monday, monday...

am I the only person who didn't watch the superbowl this weekend? PBS had a marathon of technogames, kind of a british robot wars, only better. I knew that the technogames were better than any superbowl but I am even more glad that I missed out on more of the same hype/crap we ingest as consumers.

Kelly is going to get some more blood work done thursday, from there we should have a better idea as to what all is going on and will make decisions for the next step.

with that I'm packing up and heading home to my lovely wife.

remember the only thing in heaven that is man made is the scars on Jesus.

knife fights and bananna bread

My 3-day weekend is ending, it has been fun, adventure filled and I'm tired. Today, 16 years ago at around 8:30pm pacific standard time my step brother Jeremy decided, while he and I were wrestling in the kitchen, to see what happens when you put a knife in someone's back. it hurt a bunch and I was taken to the ER where they decided after a couple of hours that no lungs were punctured. a lot has changed in my life in the last 16 years most for the better- I haven't been stabbed since and I haven't included Jeremy in my life.

As I sat tonight pondering my life and the crap I've been through I come back to the same thing- with God I can go through anything. and that to live life to the fullest I must life life one day at a time, today I have a healthy wife and kids, tomorrow may or may not be the same but we will cross that bridge when we get there.

so that I don't fail my title, I will now discuss my banana bread- yesterday as Kelly caught up on some sleep and the kids were watching baby Einstein (crack for kids, only good for them!) we had some old bananas and I was in the mood to bake something, about an hour and a half later I was pulling two perfect loaves of banana bread out of the oven. pure joy. a couple of things that stand out though, Betty said (betty crocker that is) that if I had 8x4 loaf pans that I should use 2 but if I had 9x5 then I should only use 1, well that just doesn't make sense and even though I have the larger pan. I noticed this morning that we have some more bananas that are getting old, looks like I’ll be making some more bread soon.

One last thing before I head to bed, avocados were 3 for a dollar, Kelly got 6 tonight. I love avacados

drive west err...to west

we drove to a little town called west after our youth event last night. the youth event was a blast and I'm a little sore from the pseudo-sumo wrestling, it was a bunch of fun.

West is a little town between Austin and Dallas- it was settled by Czech's back in the 1800's i believe and are know for all things czech, for most that means kolachies. we went here for ours. I'm tired, we didn't get in after our little drive till about 4 am. good night

reap what you sow

yesterday was an interesting one. I felt less beat down by the cold and headed in to work, despite my serious lack of sleep, believing everything was ok. kept busy and all was going pretty good then it happened. I told my boss about what is going on with Kelly and that I may need to take some time off for testing or more, then I started crying. yep, right there. then I was pretty much useless.

Lately I've been stetting at my desk all day without getting up much, often skipping lunch, because I've been really busy with some new projects, I've even been working late to just keep afloat. But yesterday I knew I needed to get away for a bit, it was absolutely gorges outside so I decided to walk around the block so to speak. on that walk I can't say God and I had a conversation, but I did talk to Him, I told him my fears, I told him my desires and I told him that I realize that I'm not in control here and I need His help.

The walk was good, and I was able to get a bit of work done back at the desk. Funny thing the ways God works, I was on the phone with one friend and chatting with another online when on the phone my friend started praying for Kelly and I, specifically against fear at the same time my friend online was telling me to not fear. guess what, I had some fear going on. Fear in and of it self isn't necessary a bad thing, it is when you allow your self to be consumed by it, when you give it the power to take away hope that it is bad- i was headed down that road, thankfully a couple friends spotted that and helped lead me back on the right path. it is difficult to get anywhere productive in life without friend who are willing to help out in times of need. I'm so grateful that I have friends who I know will rejoice with me in my glad times, cry with me in my sorrowful times and kick my butt when I'm being stupid.

Then I went to church- Kelly had to stay home with the kids, they are still a little sick- I headed to church more upbeat than I had been earlier in the day, looking forward to whatever God had planned for the night. Well lets just say that God continued to pour out his love for Kelly and I. During praise and worship, Eric our youth pastor asked me to step forward, I did and he told the kids that Kelly and I have been a very important part of the youth ministry for the last few years and that we give our time, love and other stuff and now it was time for the kids to give back a little. He explained that the kids have been sick off and on for a while and he told the kids that Kelly got news that she may have some health concerns, then a room full of kids surrounded me, reached out their hands and started praying.

Anyone who thinks that our younger generation is useless or is going straight to hell is flat out wrong. In fact this young generation has the burden of carrying on the torch of our faith. Think of it this way, Christianity is only one generation away from complete extinction. This fact compels me to work with teenagers, encourage then in their faith, help them with the struggles they face, answer the questions they have, love them, and show them through my actions that while some see Christianity as a religion that you follow because of obligation or tradition, Christianity for me is a lifestyle and relationship. I'm not alone, there are others who also see and desire to live out their lives as Christians because of a relationship with a Man who came to earth, life a perfect life, died a horrible, torturous death and miraculously rose from the grave, ascended into heaven and is alive today.

Because He is alive and because I do my best, though I do fail at times, to live out my life following after Christ, a room full of teenagers prayed for me, my wife, and our children. more than praying idle words, they showed their love, they gave hugs and many offered their help to us should we need extra hands around the house or someone to watch the kids. they should be careful what they ask, we just may take them up on it. No amount of words can express the joy and thanks in my heart because of what those kids did for my family last night. When I got home and told Kelly all that happened, she stopped me and asked what time all the praying occurred, I estimated that it was around 7:30- Kelly laughed and told me that about that time she and Ros got extremely joyful and just started dancing around, hmm- I wonder why?! ;o)

after the little love session, Eric did something that I still feel like was too much in some ways, though I know God was involved. Eric told the kids that the offering was going to be a little different, it was going to go to Kelly and I. ::what?!?:: Eric continued and said that right now, Kelly and I don’t need to worry about making dinner and he though it would be nice if the kids gave some money so we could pick dinner up or go out a few times. I had, and continue to have some mixed feeling about it- primarily, I am not worthy, I do not deserve this and there are so many more people that could use this money more than I. Eric handed me a wad of cash after service and told me it was mine, that I couldn’t refuse it. God did the same but my pride tried to overrule, the pride lost out.

this is where it gets interesting, you see I actually wrestled with God a bit on some money issues on the way to church last night. I have a great job, that provides well for my family- Kelly stays at home with the kids, we have a nice home and good vehicles, but after all the bills are paid there isn't much money, and sometimes we've found ourselves having to do some juggling. We've learned that we have to budget and plan so that we are using our money properly and not wasting it. I'd like to make more, not for the sake of making more and having more stuff, though I would like those things. Kelly and I still plan to start our business in the next few months, and we feel that God is leading us that way and that there is a great opportunity to grow financially through our business endeavors. On the way to church last night, I was wrestling with some issues related to money and in the end, I felt God was telling me to wait on Him and He will surprise me in ways I could not imagine. So there I stood knowing that God was backing up his claim earlier of surprising me as The offering was going around and Eric handed me the money. The money those kids gave for my family isn’t a huge amount, though it was a decent amount. I feel like I won the lottery- only better. I believe the jackpot of the texas state lotto was $64 million, what I got last was so much more. Thank you kids, thank you God.

My boss’ boss just came to my desk to let me know that he and his wife spent time in prayer for Kelly and I and wanted to know how we were doing. Sometimes I don’t like my job much, God continues to show me that He has blessed me and I should be more thankful though. And having a boss that prays for me is a huge thing I won’t forget.

the joy

I've been learning stuff tonight. how to be a better father, how to be a better husband and how to understand phpbb a little better.

I taught Ros how to thumb wrestle tonight, she doesn't get it all but she understands that the point is to get her thumb on top of mine, I foresee many fun matches throughout our lives together. It seems that Noah is starting to teeth, night time has been tough with him, I just put him down. He is a little bit of a momma's boy, when he is tired there is no one else that can calm him down, Kelly needs her rest so rather than bother her, I dealt with it. not the easiest thing to do- for some reason (probably because he's only 6 months old) he won't listen to me or discuss what is wrong, he would rather cry and fuss. he is better now, and we got to spend some guy time alone. it is fun to have another guy in the house.

my friend ken finally made it over to my boards, but funny thing, he couldn't register. Turns out the theme I just switched to for my default didn't have a link to the registration page, so I dug through the code, found where to make some changes, created a little image and now anyone can register on my boards. I'm feeling rather geeky. and I like being a geek

in case any of you were wondering how I did last semester, I was finally able to log into the system at school today and get my grades- and I got A's. now kids you can be like me too and get good grades, the trick is taking bunches of notes and studying alot. actually I don't take many notes or study all that much, yes I am that guy in class that bugs the crap out of everyone else because I crack jokes through class, never read my book but I still manage to get the grade. it is a gift and a curse, in high school I studied maybe a total of 10 hours all 4 years and did even less homework, I only passed because of tests- now that I'm older I wished that I would have applied myself just a little more back then. If i had I just might have already gotten my degree and I wouldn't have to still be in school. don't be like me, apply yourself, and even if you retain info like a sponge, do something challenging and get through it, it beats spending your nights and weekends away from friends and family to get that needed piece of paper to advance in your career. there is a reason why it is called a Bachelor's degree, you are suppose to get it while you are still single.

good night everyone, I have to go to work in the morning and it is soo late already, I know that I'm gonna be very tired- ah well, I can blame the cold if anyone asks.

one more thing, we had an avocado tonight, they were on sale for $0.58 each, I picked up 4. none were ripe yet, the first became edible tonight- the remaining should be ripe soon. have I mentioned that I really like avocados?

thank you

thank you all for your encouraging words, prayers and love. it means more than I can say.

other than having a cold that is kicking my butt, I'm doing better- I stayed home from work yesterday, Kelly and I were both sick so Ros and Noah took care of us. not really but they were great despite our inability to tend to all of their needs, my kids are awesome and I owe it all to my wife and her hard work with them day in and day out.

this weekend we spent some time in prayer and discussion and research and we feel better about the future and whether or not Kelly has cancer again and our options, still I am concerned but we won't know much more until May when some more tests are run, a sign I hope that the Dr. doesn't think we need to worry much.

again thank you.

the perfect ending for the week I've had

Now, I realize that I have a great life, I have a great job, a house, two vehicles an awesome wife, perfect kids and wonderful friends. but this week has really sucked. there is no other way to put it.

Today, Kelly got a call from her Dr. today, some thyroid level is off and they want to recheck it. normally that wouldn't be of much concern, but my beautiful bride had thyroid cancer almost 8 years ago and there is a little concern. honestly, I'm scared. So is she. I trust that God will take care of us but there is something that still makes me cry when I think about Kelly having cancer again.

I've been telling God how much I need her this afternoon, I think he's heard me- I know he has because she is at home waiting for me and I know that if it weren't for God, I wouldn't have a woman like her.

all this and I get to teach sunday school this weekend, the subject is - 'experiencing God', should be fun.

back to our regularly scheduled programme

ahh life- isn't is just grand sometimes, and yet others it is crappy. today is crappy- in about an hour I'm getting in a bus to head to a hotel conference room and listen to some upper management blab. they call it a town hall meeting but it is nothing of the sort, a true town hall meeting is where you gather people and allow them to share ideas and concerns and those running the meeting are actively looking for other viewpoints. today's meeting is part of an ongoing attempt of making us conform to the company's way of thinking. this job pays my bills, my family is where my loyalties lie.

in other news, Kelly took Noah to the Dr. today, he continues to be congested and it appears that he has allergies. that sucks!! we are going to have to make some changes in light of Noah's allergies, this is one of those moments in parenting that isn't fun at all.

back to work I go so I can be caught up before heading out to the town hall meeting

looks like we made it

me thinks that my little issue is fixed. woo hoo!

i'm such a geek

one step closer

this is so fun, somehow I totally jacked the code in my template- there is a lesson to be learned, backups save you, I isolated the piece of code that was messed up and replaced it with what I had in an old backup, problem is that backup doesn't have some things I've added since then. I think im in the clear though, I can publish to php again and soon I'll have everything added back.

not that you really care though, but hey, I have your attention I might as well blab. ;)

houston we have a problem

my commenting is down for a short time, the problem isn't really with the commenting code (at least I don't think so), for some reason when I publish this as PHP I'm getting a parse error, if I publish it as HTML, no problems, but my comments only work if the page is published as PHP. the joy.

life- yeah it beats the other options

so where to start?

Rosalyn is absorbing so much knowledge it is frightening. all weekend long she addressed me as 'chris', it is interesting to hear your 2 year old address you by name, it is kinda cute but she knows that I'd rather her call me daddy and that is why she does it. she is a strong willed child, not sure where she gets it from, Kelly and I aren't strong willed (yeah right!!!) what were they thinking when they let us get married and have kids.

This morning we (Kelly and I) discovered that Rosalyn can now bypass the nice doorknob covers we have strategically placed around the house to limit Ros' access. the two big ones being the one on the inside of her room's door to keep her in there at night and during nap time and the one on our bedroom door to keep her out when we are sleeping and such. I was in the shower and Kelly was still in bed when Rosalyn opened our door and hopped into our bed, as I was drying off, I poked my head in our room and saw a bewildered wife and a proud child. then at naptime, when Kelly was taking a shower and she thought her daughter was sleeping, lets just say Kelly was a little surprised when the bathroom door started opening.

I just changed the doorknob on Ros' room with a doorknob that locks, except the lock is on the outside so until she learns how to unlock her door with a penny we are safe.

Kelly and I like to make salsa, it is fun and with the amount of salsa we eat it saves us some money, in addition we can control things like heat and flavor. Now Kelly and I can eat some pretty hot stuff, we've been known to burn some other people with our cooking (kids just ask Dan about hot food at the Larson's) so the other night Kelly is making salsa and she asks how hot I want it, I tell her HOT!! She made it and I proceeded to eat.

WOW
She added a couple extra red chili peppers to ensure it was hot enough, it was. I've eaten some really hot stuff in my life, I've had wasabi eating contests with friends were we ate very large amounts of the wonderful green horseradish until one of us caved in, I've eaten habanero paste at the denver airport (funny story I'll have to tell later) that would make most gringos pass out- now Kelly's salsa didn't compare to these experiences but the stuff she made was still hot, hot enough that the burn was a little bothersome, but I could take the edge off by continuing to eat the salsa, kind of a 'hurts so good' situation. as long as i continued to eat it I was fine, only when I stopped did it become a tad too hot for comfort. lets just say I ate a bunch of salsa, to the tune of 2-3 cups. Kelly found it rather amusing that I continued to eat the salsa after explaining that it was so hot. Our lives are so exciting, can’t you tell


Now I’ve debated on whether or not to post this next part, and I’ve decided to go with it.

Intimacy in marriage is important (it is more than that, it is crucial for the survival of a marriage), intimacy has many forms. unfortunately our society equates intimacy with sex; intimacy is so much more than sex. So the other night Kelly and I were intimate- we held each other sans clothing, and it was not sexual. Why would I tell you this?? I don’t know really other than to share with those who are currently married and with those that will be some day that moments of intimacy in a marriage are needed. Non-sexual moments of intimacy are needed in a marriage, and it is usually the wife who needs it and it is usually the guy who either doesn’t know to or just flat out wont do it. Sex in marriage is needed too and can and should be intimate, but marriage and life are about so much more than sex.

For the guys- take time to listen to your wife, know that she is different from you, sometimes she just wants a back rub or to be held without pressure of ‘going all the way’. It is OK and you will survive.


Wow, all that and I didn’t get to talk about driving the Saturn home from Kelly’s dad’s house and us being a 2 car house again or the fact that Noah is a climbing maniac child, another day another post.