this was given to me by someone very special to me, they were praying and felt led to write this down. I needed this...
Loved One,
If you could see yourself through my eyes then you would know that I don’t expect perfection or even delight in that. I love you for who you are and as you are! I died so that we could be together for eternity, all I ask of is your devotion and praise. My desire is for you to live in the fullness of life that I have planned for you, My plans are perfect and there is nothing you can do to obtain them but to accept them. I love you and I want the best for you. You are My creation and I am pleased with You.
God
October 29, 2003
friday night I got a little taste of how God sees us.
Kelly and I packed up the minivan and headed to the mall. after some shopping and a little side trip to cinnabon for a couple of mocha-latta chills we took Rosalyn to the playground area. It was a mad house but Ros still wanted to play, Kelly and I sat on the side and watched her. The interesting thing with Ros is that she is an observer, she isn't shy, or anti-social- sometimes she just likes to wander and watch what the other kids are doing without necessarily playing with them (she gets it from me). Being that it was so crazy, she would get startled or bumped and she would look up, see me watching her and she would run to me with her arms stretched out saying 'daddy, love you!' and I would catch her, hug her tell her that I love her too and say- 'go play honey' this happened a few times and it made me think about my walk with God; that he sits back and watches me interact with the other kids on his playground, sometimes I get bumped or startled, and I run to him saying 'I love you daddy'. and after he comforts me he tells me to go back out and play, and I always know that anytime I need him he'll be there waiting for me, ready to catch me.
God has a funny way of reveling himself through kids and the process of parenthood. The more I get to know my kids, the more I fall in love with them; the more I realize that God loves us in ways we will never know.
Kelly and I packed up the minivan and headed to the mall. after some shopping and a little side trip to cinnabon for a couple of mocha-latta chills we took Rosalyn to the playground area. It was a mad house but Ros still wanted to play, Kelly and I sat on the side and watched her. The interesting thing with Ros is that she is an observer, she isn't shy, or anti-social- sometimes she just likes to wander and watch what the other kids are doing without necessarily playing with them (she gets it from me). Being that it was so crazy, she would get startled or bumped and she would look up, see me watching her and she would run to me with her arms stretched out saying 'daddy, love you!' and I would catch her, hug her tell her that I love her too and say- 'go play honey' this happened a few times and it made me think about my walk with God; that he sits back and watches me interact with the other kids on his playground, sometimes I get bumped or startled, and I run to him saying 'I love you daddy'. and after he comforts me he tells me to go back out and play, and I always know that anytime I need him he'll be there waiting for me, ready to catch me.
God has a funny way of reveling himself through kids and the process of parenthood. The more I get to know my kids, the more I fall in love with them; the more I realize that God loves us in ways we will never know.
October 24, 2003
Rosalyn is becoming a ‘spider hunter’.
We had our house built last year and we are close to the country (there is a bunch of rolling farmland behind our house), as a result we have many little critters both inside and out. Recently with the weather change we have been seeing an increase in the # of spiders in the house, with two little ones that can be a little alarming. Well this week Ros has been pointing out spiders (and a bunch of crickets, to her they are the same) to Kelly. The process is: she finds the ‘spider’, she then runs to mommy and yells in her best under two language “sthpiver”, Kelly than asks where it is and Ros leads the way and mommy gets the cricket or spider and flushes it.
It is really becoming an amusing little game to watch.
We had our house built last year and we are close to the country (there is a bunch of rolling farmland behind our house), as a result we have many little critters both inside and out. Recently with the weather change we have been seeing an increase in the # of spiders in the house, with two little ones that can be a little alarming. Well this week Ros has been pointing out spiders (and a bunch of crickets, to her they are the same) to Kelly. The process is: she finds the ‘spider’, she then runs to mommy and yells in her best under two language “sthpiver”, Kelly than asks where it is and Ros leads the way and mommy gets the cricket or spider and flushes it.
It is really becoming an amusing little game to watch.
October 23, 2003
last night at church a few lines really hit me while we were worshiping-
I'll never know
how much it cost
to see my sin
upon that cross
from "here I am to worship"
God loves us so much, I'm glad for his grace and mercy- I hope that I can let others know how much he loves them, he paid too great a price for me not to.
I'll never know
how much it cost
to see my sin
upon that cross
from "here I am to worship"
God loves us so much, I'm glad for his grace and mercy- I hope that I can let others know how much he loves them, he paid too great a price for me not to.
October 21, 2003
I'm amazed that there are people reading, and a couple of you have actually sent me email, wow. By ego is getting all puffed up, thank you for your kind words.
One email asked that I explain who people I write about are, so rather than post it here I'm going to put it on the right. thank you guys again, it is kinda scary getting email from someone you don't know telling you they read about your life, but it is very cool too.
One email asked that I explain who people I write about are, so rather than post it here I'm going to put it on the right. thank you guys again, it is kinda scary getting email from someone you don't know telling you they read about your life, but it is very cool too.
Last week was hectic, Rosalyn stepped in a fire-ant bed and as a result she had the fun opportunity of riding to the ER in an ambulance. It was very stressful, I'm not going to go into the whole story here, bottom line is fire ants are evil and thank God for benadryl. After we got home from the hospital I did what all good, loving fathers should do in this case, I found that anthill and poured enough flammable liquid on it to fill an Olympic pool, then used a lighter and smiled as I saw those little bastard ants die, the crackling noise they made as they burned was very pleasing too.
Now to mercy, Sunday I preached- the message was on mercy. I think that my message was more for me than anyone else; the kids were just an audience watching God talk to me about mercy. I'm still having some problems with being merciful (as seen above with the ants, but they don't count really do they?) but God is great and he has opened my eyes to his mercy for me, and how as a Christian I need to extend the same mercy to others. I’m a work in progress. There are a couple of things that I've learned and I would like to share about mercy:
first is what Paul wrote in Romans 5:9- he was talking about Justice and God and stated "So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs but on God who has mercy" basically to me that means that whatever good God does for us it is not driven by our most generous desire or the most faithful work of man but God does it because of his mercy. We can't earn it, we can't persuade God to do it, and He does it simply because of His mercy. We don’t deserve it but His love causes him to give it. That was powerful to me.
Secondly were Paul’s words in 1 Timothy, the beginning of the first chapter talks about God’s mercy and its propose in Paul’s life specifically in verse 16. Seeing Paul state that despite what he did God gave him mercy, and to show how God used that I saw that God isn’t stupid (as I dodge a lightning bolt) in his dealing of mercy and there could just be a plan that I don’t know about in God’s mercy, after all he is God.
I continue down the road of life wanting to know more about God and his purpose for me, it is amazing sometimes what you find along the way. My prayer is that those I have hurt in the past with my lack of mercy would find mercy in God and that I would have an opportunity to right my wrongs, I have started this with my wife- she is happy and relieved that God has gotten a hold of this area of my life. I’m glad that I’m less of a jerk.
Now to mercy, Sunday I preached- the message was on mercy. I think that my message was more for me than anyone else; the kids were just an audience watching God talk to me about mercy. I'm still having some problems with being merciful (as seen above with the ants, but they don't count really do they?) but God is great and he has opened my eyes to his mercy for me, and how as a Christian I need to extend the same mercy to others. I’m a work in progress. There are a couple of things that I've learned and I would like to share about mercy:
first is what Paul wrote in Romans 5:9- he was talking about Justice and God and stated "So then it does not depend on the man who wills or the man who runs but on God who has mercy" basically to me that means that whatever good God does for us it is not driven by our most generous desire or the most faithful work of man but God does it because of his mercy. We can't earn it, we can't persuade God to do it, and He does it simply because of His mercy. We don’t deserve it but His love causes him to give it. That was powerful to me.
Secondly were Paul’s words in 1 Timothy, the beginning of the first chapter talks about God’s mercy and its propose in Paul’s life specifically in verse 16. Seeing Paul state that despite what he did God gave him mercy, and to show how God used that I saw that God isn’t stupid (as I dodge a lightning bolt) in his dealing of mercy and there could just be a plan that I don’t know about in God’s mercy, after all he is God.
I continue down the road of life wanting to know more about God and his purpose for me, it is amazing sometimes what you find along the way. My prayer is that those I have hurt in the past with my lack of mercy would find mercy in God and that I would have an opportunity to right my wrongs, I have started this with my wife- she is happy and relieved that God has gotten a hold of this area of my life. I’m glad that I’m less of a jerk.
October 14, 2003
today I learned a very important lesson in humility, grace, love and mercy. Mercy is something that I struggle with. I struggle with it quite a bit. As a result I have hurt people that really needed love and mercy. Yesterday I ran off at the mouth because of my lack of mercy, my error was that I did it in writing, on a forum that I recently found, for all to see. Then it happened. others actually read what I wrote. One person actually had the gall to respond with this-
"these two posts combined are easily the most arrogant, callous, unloving, conceited, judgemental and hypocritical thing i have ever read."
It really hurt when I read it now it still hurts. The part that hurts the most is that he was correct. he was 100% correct, I am all of those things plus some. Now I have two choices with this knowledge, fight it and pretend it didn't really happen, or accept it, accept responsibility for my actions and do my best to allow God to change this area of my life. I choose the latter, I know that only God can make the change, my heart is that bad. But I also realize that I have to let him, I have to work with him on this. I am glad that there are others out there that are loving enough, have the mercy enough, and have the grace enough to show me my fault and still accept me for who I am. I am grateful for people who aren't like me, I hope to be more like them.
"these two posts combined are easily the most arrogant, callous, unloving, conceited, judgemental and hypocritical thing i have ever read."
It really hurt when I read it now it still hurts. The part that hurts the most is that he was correct. he was 100% correct, I am all of those things plus some. Now I have two choices with this knowledge, fight it and pretend it didn't really happen, or accept it, accept responsibility for my actions and do my best to allow God to change this area of my life. I choose the latter, I know that only God can make the change, my heart is that bad. But I also realize that I have to let him, I have to work with him on this. I am glad that there are others out there that are loving enough, have the mercy enough, and have the grace enough to show me my fault and still accept me for who I am. I am grateful for people who aren't like me, I hope to be more like them.
October 13, 2003
ahh another weekend, another Monday.
Down here in Texas we had a really big football weekend. In Dallas it was the battle of the Red River, University of Texas vs. Oklahoma University. Dallas gets flooded by folks from Austin and Oklahoma, we are their middle ground for this 100 something year old rivalry. In case you didn't see it OU put the hurt on Texas pretty quick, they pretty much took them behind the woodshed and whooped their asses final score was something like 65-13. it was a nice game to watch Saturday afternoon. Though I didn't see it Texas A&M beat the snot out of Baylor, something like 73 to 10. The football fanatics were happy here in Texas, the football gods gave them good shows.
For School I have to turn in an autobiography. the assignment stated that it should be at least 6 pages double spaced. I started writing it, currently it is 18 pages, I still have to write about the process of having kids, that is another 30 pages, I'm shooting for about 3 however. As a reward for my hard work at school, and just because I really need to do it; I'm going to be making some beer this weekend. It has been a while since I've done some homebrewing, it has been a little too long. My last batch didn't turnout as I expected, mostly because I was rushed and didn't so all I needed to do. Plus Chocolate is difficult to get right the first time you use it in beer I hear. This time I am going back to my first recipe that I formulated, it is a red ale that comes across a little strong, sweet, has good mouth feel and finishes nice and crisp. I miss that beer, many of my friends miss it, soon it will be back in my life again and all will be well. I miss making beer, when I make beer I am happy. Funny thing is that people hang around my house more often when I make beer too, I wonder what the connection is?
Back to work, for me, I have to catch up on all the things I put off last week.
Down here in Texas we had a really big football weekend. In Dallas it was the battle of the Red River, University of Texas vs. Oklahoma University. Dallas gets flooded by folks from Austin and Oklahoma, we are their middle ground for this 100 something year old rivalry. In case you didn't see it OU put the hurt on Texas pretty quick, they pretty much took them behind the woodshed and whooped their asses final score was something like 65-13. it was a nice game to watch Saturday afternoon. Though I didn't see it Texas A&M beat the snot out of Baylor, something like 73 to 10. The football fanatics were happy here in Texas, the football gods gave them good shows.
For School I have to turn in an autobiography. the assignment stated that it should be at least 6 pages double spaced. I started writing it, currently it is 18 pages, I still have to write about the process of having kids, that is another 30 pages, I'm shooting for about 3 however. As a reward for my hard work at school, and just because I really need to do it; I'm going to be making some beer this weekend. It has been a while since I've done some homebrewing, it has been a little too long. My last batch didn't turnout as I expected, mostly because I was rushed and didn't so all I needed to do. Plus Chocolate is difficult to get right the first time you use it in beer I hear. This time I am going back to my first recipe that I formulated, it is a red ale that comes across a little strong, sweet, has good mouth feel and finishes nice and crisp. I miss that beer, many of my friends miss it, soon it will be back in my life again and all will be well. I miss making beer, when I make beer I am happy. Funny thing is that people hang around my house more often when I make beer too, I wonder what the connection is?
Back to work, for me, I have to catch up on all the things I put off last week.
October 9, 2003
I'm tired- I spent this weekend plus part of Monday morning moving my mother in-law into her new apartment. I love being told at the last minute that I have to do something for someone who doesn't realize that I have a life. oh well, it is over. I did get a chance to watch the two towers for the first time late (i mean really late) Saturday night, I also drank a couple of New Belgium's Trippel. Very nice beer accompanied by a great movie to finish a bad day.
the other day, Rosalyn started singing a new song. it is her version of Old McDonald and goes pretty much like this:
I farted, I farted, I farted; eeiieeii-oooh
that's pretty good for someone under 2. the first time she sang it I couldn't understand what she was singing, then she sang it again and I almost crashed the car, I laughed so hard, my wife hit me for laughing and I think we are going to be hearing it on a regular basis now. Kids are great, they are so entertaining. plus when it is time to go night-night, I usually get hugs and kisses, it is what I live for, it is what keeps me going.
the other day, Rosalyn started singing a new song. it is her version of Old McDonald and goes pretty much like this:
I farted, I farted, I farted; eeiieeii-oooh
that's pretty good for someone under 2. the first time she sang it I couldn't understand what she was singing, then she sang it again and I almost crashed the car, I laughed so hard, my wife hit me for laughing and I think we are going to be hearing it on a regular basis now. Kids are great, they are so entertaining. plus when it is time to go night-night, I usually get hugs and kisses, it is what I live for, it is what keeps me going.
October 2, 2003
life is a sack of crap. it really is, at least some of the time.
We were doing small groups last night and talking about being a friend to God, through the discussion we got on the subject of why being his friend is beneficial to us. Other than all the blessings and the retirement plan, I realized that having God as your friend is a huge help when life is flinging the dung. So I randomly stated that life is not a box of chocolates as Forrest Gump told us in his infinite wisdom, but rather it is more like a sack of crap. At first they all though it was pretty funny, then we started talking about it. Each of my guys agreed that life wasn't just balloons and candy and that as young men living in a real world with real issues, they are guaranteed to go through their fair share of 'stuff' in their lives. In the end we all agreed that the best way to survive the crap sack was to be honest, sincere and a friend with God, it was a great small group.
Right now the sack of crap that has been thrown my way is my mother in-law having her 5th stroke. She is alive, that is good, but 5 strokes over a few years time do not bode well for anyone. I hope there isn't a 6th, right now only God knows.
We were doing small groups last night and talking about being a friend to God, through the discussion we got on the subject of why being his friend is beneficial to us. Other than all the blessings and the retirement plan, I realized that having God as your friend is a huge help when life is flinging the dung. So I randomly stated that life is not a box of chocolates as Forrest Gump told us in his infinite wisdom, but rather it is more like a sack of crap. At first they all though it was pretty funny, then we started talking about it. Each of my guys agreed that life wasn't just balloons and candy and that as young men living in a real world with real issues, they are guaranteed to go through their fair share of 'stuff' in their lives. In the end we all agreed that the best way to survive the crap sack was to be honest, sincere and a friend with God, it was a great small group.
Right now the sack of crap that has been thrown my way is my mother in-law having her 5th stroke. She is alive, that is good, but 5 strokes over a few years time do not bode well for anyone. I hope there isn't a 6th, right now only God knows.
October 1, 2003
our society has become a very voyeuristic one recently, and we have become voyeurs of the boring and normal. blogs prove that. why would anyone care to read some idiots rambling thoughts? still, there is comfort to be found in knowing that there are others who see life in the same way that we do, or that their lives are just as boring or more than ours.
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